It's The Same Old Thing In A Brand New Day

4:56 PM 12/1/2004

ok so that day (can't remember what the date is but it's the last week of

november 2004), i finally starting to get closer to her. chance is really

making me stronger each day. but not everyday it encourages me. for the

reason that this day when i'm thinking to call her. i'm feeling that she does

not want to talk to me ever again. why? well i tried calling her last time

and what the person who answered the phone said that i should call back again

after a few minutes because she's doing something. ok, so here i am again,

paranoid. well can't blame me for all the experinces that i had before. IT'S

THE SAME OLD THING IN A BRAND NEW DAY. well so today i went to work, did not

even tried to call her or even went to her station. i didn't mind at all....

well being paranoid also gives me much pride. well what was i thinking

earlier. well all that i was thinking about was that she hates me, she don't

wanna talk to me or even i have 1001 things to think why, but not sure what's

specific. ok i'm wrong, i'm pathetic and yet so damn crappy. i didn't mean to

feel that way. i just don't understand things quite clear. i wanted to become

a straight forward person. what i mean is i want to focus more on myself and

my family, not with friends anymnore. i'm not prioritizng friends, it'slike i

kept thinking about that chance that i'll find that someone. ok so i'm not

worth it or even not worth it to talk with, to cut it short all this crap is

wothless. who cares, nobody even understands what i'm feeling. nobody

understands what i want. and nobody cares! now that's the problem. earlier my

colleagues that will be transferring to another firm talked about an attitude

problem with one of the colleagues in the office. once i told them that as

they will notice i don't talk too much or fooling around with the other team

mates. why? well i told them that it is because i don't even know the people

who i'm dealing with. it'll be very dangerous if i'm gonna have a loud mouth

or even i fool around with them that they would be offended and kick my ass.

i even sight an example to myself only not sharing it with them. like one of

our team mate has a loud mouth. he's fooling around like he's hitting below

the belt already. which is very lucky for him because those people that he

fools around don't care about it. so going back on my topic. i don't play

around with them much. i only play or fool around if they're fooling me or

even just for them not to be humiliated (do you know what i mean?). can't

hardly analyze why i'm acting so damn weird, stupid and pathetic.

i'm not asking for more. i'm just asking for friendship and my value for

them. is it really hard to accept me or it's just that i'm not accepting

them. if we're gonna talk about adjustments. well i am barely adjusting for

them. is it because i'm not worth it or something, i guess. i've heard it

several times already, that friends come and friends go, nothing reallly

lasts forever, but i'm about to change that. the truth is, i can't really

change it. well i guess they're right not only with that but also people are

different. we all are different. but i still believe that it'll change

somehow.

well yesterday when i'm about to go home. i thought of the songs that have

the same title. like THANK YOU! of course thank you means that you're

thanking someone for something. thank you also has two meanings. you can be

thankful because of the good deeds they've shared and also insults for the

bad deeds they've shared. so going back on what about it. i started to

compose a lyrics about thanking someone eventhough they're with you in just

the nick of time. although we've been together on a single day but the

bonding was established. i was so happy that they were there and also GOD has

given me a chance to meet them. actually it's not yet done. i haven't

finished revising it. and also i was thinking that i'll post it on my blog.

all of the lyrics/poems that i have created so i can retrieve them somehow

if i lost the hard copy.

as i was analyzing myself. i've come to think that i'm a sentimental person.

for the reason that i value friendship and anything nice that come and go.

the reason for me to create a poem and some other stuff for unforgetful

happenings.

the main topic here is about that girl that i love, i guess. well i should

say that i'm in love with her because i can't get her out of my head. i

should have called her earlier but this pride sucks. well, because i'm

paranoid thinking that she would abhor me which i don't wanna happen. they

said that if i love someone i should take all the risk. well i don't think

so. i don't wanna be humiliated. i don't believe in those damn love stories

that men will do anything just for her. as if once they finally get what they

want. they'll over rule women. causing heartbreaks and stuff. do i have a

point in this? tell me.

In what i believe. if they don't like me well there's nothing i can do to

change that. it'll be the same for me.

so much to say. so much to express. getting so tired of thinking about this

stuff. well good luck! i hope it won't be the same thing in a brand new day!