Annoyingly annoyed

What a day!... Well this is my first time to be on night shift since February 2006. Well basically one of my office mates rendered LWOP for the UNDAS. Moving forward, I covered her coverage as an RTA. Ok, let me tell you the whole crapness of that day. Ok it started when my mom keep on asking me to do things and buy things like crazy. I was pissed off because I’m doing something for my work. She keeps on interrupting me and all. So my mom was a bit mad about my actions and with my gestures when she’s talking to me. Well mainly because I was pissed. Then this little child is so nice that I could just kill him (exageratingly)…. O well, then I was prepared to go to work. It rained hard. I did not even imagine what could possibly go wrong during my travel to work. Ok so I was happy because I left the house early, I had my umbrella and I did not bother to bring with me my jacket. So during that travel time, I was pretty much amazed that I am too early. I arrived there at around 8:30 pm. Guess what happened, well when I cross the street there’s this flood and so we cannot even cross to the next half of the street. So what I did was to go to the right side to look for a part where I can cross the street without having my feet soak in the flood. Then there’s this car rushed and speed ahead near me on the flooded area and it splashed me all over my body. Ok basically I got wet and humiliated with the others. Thankfully I was not being followed by anyone. Then it happened again and got me splashed and I was totally soaking wet and I felt embarrassed and humiliated. So what I did was just continue and went ahead to cross the street. And trying to hide from those people who were trying to cross the street to because I believe they are laughing at me and stuff. Well thankfully I was able to cross the street on the other side and attempted to remove my polo shirt because it’s really soaking wet and that I don’t want to show to anyone that I’m so freaking wet and dirty. I was grateful that at least there were no muds or whatever you might call it, splashed on my face and cloths. So I went ahead and went straight ahead to the rest room and used the drier to dry my freaking cloths. Ok, so what’s the effect of staying in an air conditioned place with wet cloths? I was freakingly shivering and annoyed and kept talking to myself why it happened to me and all. Why did I experience that. Well so far I realized that it was KARMA all along. Very annoyingly annoying.

All I really want was to search for my solace and find it and grab it. I can’t live like this anymore. Stuck under their influence. I can’t even live my life the way I want. I don’t even see any growth within me. It’s like I’m limited to do things freely. Every little thing I do is always noted and always seems wrong. Sometimes what crosses in my mind is just to die, anyway things that I have are enough for me to witness and experience. At least the only problem that I would have is to where will be my destination after life. At least I only have one problem. Unlike living right now, seems a tough decision making and struggle. It’s like they don’t have any trust in me and confidence that I can live my life on my own blissfully.

What I really wanted was for me to live my life on my own. No strings attached. So I can find myself and know myself in depth. Is that hard to understand?

What should I do to make things better and for me to receive wonderful things? Just like my sisters. They ought to get the best things in life and neither am I. so unfortunate and pathetic. Well I do believe that I really need to change some of my ways and the whole me to be appreciated by everyone. Keep trying and still trying but it’s just that everyone sees me as a walking mistake and a walking flaws. What a fucking life. O well still hoping and trying to find someone, a friend, lover and all just to appreciate and love me the way I am. Still hoping…….