searching
ok so yesterday i felt soooooooo sleepy that i arrived to a situation that i've slept on my station, but i'm fighting it back. i don't wanna sleep here. mainly because it's prohibited, secondly, it'll just make me more sleepy later on. so i began to drink coffee the second time around. i took my short break ever. grabbed a smoke just to quit this sleepiness. get what i mean? ok so for the moment i was alive and kicking. began to pull out tags, continously. made me feel comfy for the moment. thankfully we did not took inbound calls yesterday, but today it's payback time to take inbound. ok so what. i'll take inbound. for their own freaking satisfaction.
upon arriving home yesterday, guess what, i went to bed immediately after changing clothes. i went home around 3 pm and so. so i woke up around 2 am this day. so that's freaking 11 hours straight of sleep. that scares me. i even had this weird dreams, that i was late to go to work becus i already see the sun. but that was just a dream. anyways, i went to take a bath, ate something. when my mom woke up. she asked me if i took the empanadas in the toaster. so hell yeah, i took it. so she began to talk and talk and talk. so pretty am scared for that. but that was not asked by my sister, because it's her's. well i guess later or tomorrow, my sister will talk about it and she will scold me about it. well my explanation for that is because i don't have enough money to buy food here. hello! all of my pay are given to my mom for all the expenses she needs in the house. my allowance are being deducted because my mom was in short of money. so it's not my fault no more. so what i want to say really is for them to have a consideration for that. it's just a food. they can't blame me for that. i know it's not right. i'm not making it right for the wrong thing that i did for the right cause. well i can say is just to wait and see what'll happen later, tomorrow os sooner.
well for the past 2 days, nothing happened differently unlike the past 3 days of working. i was wondering if by chance there will be someting different that will happen later. like it would make me happy. well yesterday also one of my colleague want to come with me to a short break. so sad thing there is that we're not talking much, we're not discussing any topics. so it's pretty humiliating in that part. i began to think that this person won't like to come with me next time because i'm worthless to be with. so i'm trying hard to think of any conversation. stop thinking about a not so worthy conversation like hatreds, burdens in work. well it would just be worthless too. suddenly an old colleague went by. same thing happened. nothing much to talk about....sigh.......
well i wanted to do something differently. kept thinking about certain stuff that i could do. like do something that i can't think of (confusing huh!) well i wanted to feel happy, excited, contented, satisfied, and whatsoever good stuff. well to be more elaborate. i really wanted to find a certain person, who could be there to comfort me. to be there always to accompany me. to make me feel that i'm inportant. of course i'll be like that to that person. i've been really searching for my solace. i need that to happen. well i've tried to get close with some people here or shall i say to everyone that i've met. what happeneds is either i'll be separated from the person, the person is resigning and finally they would ignore me. do stuff that i'll feel that i'm rejected. in my part it's humiliation and embarrassmen (what's the difference?) so i begin to avoid them and stop mingling with them much, unlike before. for me being lonely or alone in the world is like preventing myself from humiliation, rejection and stuff alike. well you could say that i'm so pathetic, not sympathetic. it's just that i'm scared of those things again. it really hurts me alot and i carry all the burdens in me.
i like to help people that i know, or my friends. yes it's because i wanted to feel that they will appreciate me, although they won't. some will be some won't and most of the time they won't. so far deep inside my head what i'm thinking is money. in my analysis, money is all that will find my solace. but of course i won't forget GOD or something or do some good things in life. it's just that without this i can't do the stuff that'll make me happy. like hanging in the mall, buying things that i wanted. you know what i mean. i don't wanna get stuck in the office and at home. can't even imagine what will happen to me when i get older. the other reason also for me not to have somebody to love. i should also manage to hang out with people. but i can't with the status that i have. based on the song that i'm listening. it says "who wants to be ordinary in a crazy mixed up world?". does this make sense to you? well for me i believe in that.
so around 8 i've decided to take an inbound call. so i've got 4 calls. good thing. after my one last call, i've decided to go ahead and play again sonic. well after 30 minutes this so called sucker asked me if i can access our team website. and as if i can't and he's asking me if i can access the checklist bullshit. so i said yes so he did not even tell it to me directly topost all the tags pulled. it's like he's making me stupid. so while i'm posting those stupid tags one by one. i'm freaking pissed. it takes me time and it's very hard on our part. it's like our job is worsen. so i began to tell my colleagues that it's hard and i won't finish it up. oe of them told me to post it rather on the shared documents. and the hell i'm gonna do that. saying things badly aloud so that sucker hears me.
upon arriving home yesterday, guess what, i went to bed immediately after changing clothes. i went home around 3 pm and so. so i woke up around 2 am this day. so that's freaking 11 hours straight of sleep. that scares me. i even had this weird dreams, that i was late to go to work becus i already see the sun. but that was just a dream. anyways, i went to take a bath, ate something. when my mom woke up. she asked me if i took the empanadas in the toaster. so hell yeah, i took it. so she began to talk and talk and talk. so pretty am scared for that. but that was not asked by my sister, because it's her's. well i guess later or tomorrow, my sister will talk about it and she will scold me about it. well my explanation for that is because i don't have enough money to buy food here. hello! all of my pay are given to my mom for all the expenses she needs in the house. my allowance are being deducted because my mom was in short of money. so it's not my fault no more. so what i want to say really is for them to have a consideration for that. it's just a food. they can't blame me for that. i know it's not right. i'm not making it right for the wrong thing that i did for the right cause. well i can say is just to wait and see what'll happen later, tomorrow os sooner.
well for the past 2 days, nothing happened differently unlike the past 3 days of working. i was wondering if by chance there will be someting different that will happen later. like it would make me happy. well yesterday also one of my colleague want to come with me to a short break. so sad thing there is that we're not talking much, we're not discussing any topics. so it's pretty humiliating in that part. i began to think that this person won't like to come with me next time because i'm worthless to be with. so i'm trying hard to think of any conversation. stop thinking about a not so worthy conversation like hatreds, burdens in work. well it would just be worthless too. suddenly an old colleague went by. same thing happened. nothing much to talk about....sigh.......
well i wanted to do something differently. kept thinking about certain stuff that i could do. like do something that i can't think of (confusing huh!) well i wanted to feel happy, excited, contented, satisfied, and whatsoever good stuff. well to be more elaborate. i really wanted to find a certain person, who could be there to comfort me. to be there always to accompany me. to make me feel that i'm inportant. of course i'll be like that to that person. i've been really searching for my solace. i need that to happen. well i've tried to get close with some people here or shall i say to everyone that i've met. what happeneds is either i'll be separated from the person, the person is resigning and finally they would ignore me. do stuff that i'll feel that i'm rejected. in my part it's humiliation and embarrassmen (what's the difference?) so i begin to avoid them and stop mingling with them much, unlike before. for me being lonely or alone in the world is like preventing myself from humiliation, rejection and stuff alike. well you could say that i'm so pathetic, not sympathetic. it's just that i'm scared of those things again. it really hurts me alot and i carry all the burdens in me.
i like to help people that i know, or my friends. yes it's because i wanted to feel that they will appreciate me, although they won't. some will be some won't and most of the time they won't. so far deep inside my head what i'm thinking is money. in my analysis, money is all that will find my solace. but of course i won't forget GOD or something or do some good things in life. it's just that without this i can't do the stuff that'll make me happy. like hanging in the mall, buying things that i wanted. you know what i mean. i don't wanna get stuck in the office and at home. can't even imagine what will happen to me when i get older. the other reason also for me not to have somebody to love. i should also manage to hang out with people. but i can't with the status that i have. based on the song that i'm listening. it says "who wants to be ordinary in a crazy mixed up world?". does this make sense to you? well for me i believe in that.
so around 8 i've decided to take an inbound call. so i've got 4 calls. good thing. after my one last call, i've decided to go ahead and play again sonic. well after 30 minutes this so called sucker asked me if i can access our team website. and as if i can't and he's asking me if i can access the checklist bullshit. so i said yes so he did not even tell it to me directly topost all the tags pulled. it's like he's making me stupid. so while i'm posting those stupid tags one by one. i'm freaking pissed. it takes me time and it's very hard on our part. it's like our job is worsen. so i began to tell my colleagues that it's hard and i won't finish it up. oe of them told me to post it rather on the shared documents. and the hell i'm gonna do that. saying things badly aloud so that sucker hears me.
posted by ly at 11:28 AM
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