TERMINATOR 4

well after work i went home straight. i can't even think straight. i'm bothered very much that i can't l sleep but just ashamed and tired of myself. arriving home was very bothering. i did not even bothered telling anyone in the house what had happened. well i don't want them to worry so much that they too will be bothered. of course not only that but also i don't wanna be ashamed to them. i can't even sleep last night because i was thinking about what will happen tomorrow or i mean today. several people i've tallked to gave me strength and hope. hoping it'll be good. ok i've told some people here what had happened. ok my seat mate told me things encouraging and he gave me hope about it. i'm really not ready to be terminated or to leave work because i love it here although the pay is not enough at least it's good and i'm enjoying it. it's kinda like so much for my happy ending. so now i'm regreting things. i thought it's cool but i'm getting down below. so much to think about. i hope i'm not super dooper hyper dead.

well i took my short break at around 9 30 am. i asked permission to my sup. then after a few minutes he also came out of the building to smoke with me. so i was pretty nervous and shaky. so we had a conversation regarding his house that will be build. then the topic jumped to my journal id dsn usage shit. ok so i told what i have been monologuing yesterday at home. and somehow it did not changed anything from his decision. the bottom line is still he'll take an investigation on it and he would really report it. he's reason is dell might caught us. i've realized the account here might be abolished because of what i did. but still hoping things will be ok. if the decision is just an IR. that's ok at least i can still have my job. this is more convinient for me.. i really do promise if i am forgiven, i will prohibit games, downloading and stuff. of course still gonna do that but not everyday. i don't want to have something not nice for my job. i really would want to resign now? and apply at techneon so i could just get away from this stupid company. as i get along with this company it really shows it's incompetence and inconsistency for the employeses. especially people who would power trip on ordinary employees just for their own success, pleasure and recognition. o well i guess i wanted to be better all these years of working here. but it turned out bad. still hoping for the chance that i won't be terminated. hopefully not.