ano ba?!!!

October 20, 2005 I’ve been wondering about things. It’s been almost a week since I’ve lost my 2nd job, and now, looking for my 3rd job. I can’t get over it, what I mean is, loosing someone who made me something that I did not pursue. We’re actually doing a comic story. Based on the existing story in the bible that did not specify how it ended, or how his life ended. Well finally, I’m almost done with chapter 1. I need to think more scenes that will be logical to the story. I remember Stephen Spielberg, a writer, director and producer, who made top selling stories that were made as a movie.
Going back to myself, I don’t know what to feel, what to expect and what to think. Now that I’ve lost my job, I can feel the agony of having no money and seeing your family, crawling and grasping on the knife to survive. I wanted to contact the company, siemens, about my application. Nothing seem to be happening. I don’t know if I’m hired or not qualified at all. Hopefully they would contact me whatever the result is. So I won’t expect much about the company because I’m so sick and tired, in fact dead tired. I can’t just stay here at home and do never ending chores. I could not believe what is happening to me. Well I guess I’m being punished because I’ve been an egocentric, selfish slut. I admit that I’ve never been a good person or shall I say an ideal person. I’m so pathetic, and wasted.
This person that I’ve met is a very extraordinary person. I really like the way he encourages me, praise me or enlighten me with some things. I can say that he is an ideal person, that I could really treasure for the kindness and love as a friend. One thing that I hate is, he never ever tried to initiate to contact me or message me about how am I doing, how the story was, or even how he is. I kept on messaging him asking him regarding those things until I ran out of load. Haaaaaay…. If he knows what I’m feeling right now, If he only knew how I’m doing, then definitely he would try to contact me, or for the sake of our plans in creating a story, if he really is highly interested, he would contact me or keep on asking me how it was. I know he has his family to attend to, of course I will not be a priority, duh!
Well I’ve decided to focus and try to learn how to end this feeling of importance (you know what I mean.). someday, maybe later, I’ll be better, I’ll be highly confident with myself. I know that I’ve been a loner, I made it to think about myself and not others or not thinking about the importance of friendship. What I’m trying to say is, I can meet new people and make friends with them, but I will not let myself to get attached with them much.
Someday, I’m going to make it alright but not right now. Well blessings in disguise, I finally have a job. A while ago while I was working with the story I have decided or something went on my mind to follow up my application. I guess it’s because of my frustrations. Well I thought I did not make it to that company, but when I called the company they told me that they would actually call me later on regarding the job offer. I jumped for joy and immediately went down to my mom and told her about it. I GOT A JOB. Finally, everything’s ok, I guess time is really giving me more chances which I myself will never ever spoil again. This will be the last time that I will be kicked off. I will make it better this time.
A while ago I went to my friend who came from Japan. Well she’s looking for a job, so I helped her and give her some hints and tips for some interviews and stuff. I told her to practice English and she should be smart in answering questions. I did not tell her what had happened to me because I don’t want to discourage her. Well earlier I decided to buy me a load to spread good news to Lee and some of my colleagues in TT. Guess what, nobody replied and nobody seem to care. Those shit heads! I thought they’re my friends. I thought they would care and they would even still communicate with me. Especially this art geek. Which I think is just using me to pursue his dreams in creating a comic and to become popular in terms of comics. Honestly, I don’t want to think like that, I believe that this person is kind and a worth fighting for, do you know what I mean? He is worth in treasuring as one of the greatest people who entered in my life. I promised myself not to ever message him. Wait for him to message me and ask me about what I did, how am I doing with the story and stuff. I think it’s not that important for him regarding this stupid story. I think he’s just playing me. Once I have found out that everything is just a hoax. I’m going to kill him with my bare hands. I’m serious.
One thing for sure, I am a kind of person that is open and can understand things. If you don’t like me, say it to my face immediately and I’ll understand. I’ll stay away from you, I’ll get out of your way. Yes, I admit that it will hurt my feelings but that will be nice for me. That I would be good, next time. One of my plans next time is not to get attached much with any people to avoid this kind of feelings that I’m feeling, because it makes me restless, lonely, unease, pathetic, and all kinds of sadness and sorrow.
God, he’s so hard to forget. I can’t stop thinking about our friendship and how he really understands me. He’s the only friend who really understands me and made me pursue things which I did not pursue. He’s amazing, he’s so extraordinary. I pray that one day the comic that we’re doing will become popular, successful and himself.
Now that I will have a new job, I pray that we both have the time to meet and do the story together so that it will show that he did the story too.
O well, let’s just see what will happen after several weeks. Thank you God for such greatness, goodness and mercy that you have always provided me. I hope that I would be good in return. Thank you so much for everything