completely, perfectly, grudginly, lovingly fed up
ok this will be my final day for the week and i'm spending my rest day again for 2 consecutive days. that's cool. anyway, today is a very different and odd day, first of all i have noticed that not all of the team mates here are at work and that it's not queueiing after all. then i have received a commendation again from a customer who appreciated the help i have provided her with. then i was thinking that olive will be around to talk to me and tell me about my application if ever when will i start the project based RTA. well sad to say ferdie said that she's not around for some reason. so i felt bad about it and i'm pretty pissed becasuse i just can't wait to hear a word from her about my application. so i'm just hinking i don't care if it will be approved or not as long as i know the status. i don't like pending because it makes me sick and that youreally don't have nay idea about your status. it's really a pain for me. hopefully on thursday or on friday she would talk to me and inform me about it. well ferdie said that based on what he had heard and as what a little bird told him, jayjay will be removed from the project for some reason. i was pretty scared about it because i don't want them to cancel my application or else i will go hysterical about it and it will be a major devastation for me if that ever happeneds. i tried to pass by the workforce station to check on olive. i saw someone there wearing pink blouse and thought that it was olive. i am not sure because that person i saw is facing it's back so i'm not really sure if that's olive or just another person who i haven't seen in the workforce area. hopefully it's olive and that she would talk to me right now. o i just can't wait for it so this feeling would end just now. when i came back to my station, fedie called me thinking that live wants to talk to me but definitely not, he just told me that he'll go homeand spent his day off. too bad for a tearjerker pathetic shit like me...... craving to be in the workforce team just to get way from this stupid calls that i keep getting that really pisses me off. as of the moment too, lawrence one of our team mates are doing floor walk to a new team, and i was shocked because all i know he's not a ful time floorwalkeer and yet he is. so i'm pretty pissed off and feeling the same way as what hans is feeling, demoted. why can't they pick me to do the fw, i believe i have the capability an i am confident enough. well people really want to see me breakdown and also humiliate me. this is really a bad sign. please give me a sign and all. i really wanted to be a part of the workforce team for a career change.
i have started reading the book which was purchased by my friend, precious. well i have enjoyed it a lot and laughed at it while reading for some statements and dialogues that the author had composed. it's actually exciting and interesting to read the book the whole day. i just wanted t konw what would happen to the main character by it's rival's deception. o well all i have to do to find out is to read it until i finish reading it. i'm so darn sad. i don't know exactly what to feel right now, i feel like i have been tortured and got my feelings or myself corrupted by my emotions. is this what i get after all the painstaking patience i have done? seeing all these people who are behind me, get promoted and do new tasks and watching me having the same job ever since i started working? this is really, really bad and annoying. i can't imagine that i'm going all the way down than i could imagine. well, good luck with everything and hopefully things would go my way......
well am i fortunate or what? o well as what they say, patience is a virtue. i'm so sick and tired of hearing that and i'm fed up with that statement. as far as i know i've been patient long enough since i was born and yet things are worse. i know i'm doign the things to reach that goal and have patience but still nothing happeneds. is that what is my purpose and destination in life? o well what can i do? all i can do is breakdown and cry and freak out to let it go. i know nothing will seem to happen or progress in doing such crap, bu at least i'm doing something just to forget it all and recharge my patience. i'm not a conversal person, i just keep things in me which is unhealthy but it's the only way to avoid being humiliated and all.they said, let you live your life. i'm living it but it's just that life does not want me to live it. i don't know for some reason. i guess it'sbecause of my level of thinking that's why things that are given to me are of the same level of my thinking. too bad and pathetic. now growth and no gain. just pain....i'm not really sure if i should continue reading the book because of wha ti currently feel right now. i feel sad and discomforted. i feel like everyone's bringing me dow and neglecting me and abandoning me. i feel like i'm on my own with nothing. ii don't want to think now about what would happen to me if i'm still here in this freaking darn team. maybe i woud just be a tearjerker shit head. good, so i can start killing myself, perhaps. i'm really going all the way down. all the way down until i hit the bottom unknwn. i still do believe that there's still time for me to shine and all. things will go my way and it will give me good news. sometimes when i read my horoscope, what it's implying to me is somewhat true. when i read my horoscope today, it's like it is implying to me that for this day, i don't have to expect much about things because ti won't happen at all. ok so i was pretty fell backwards and stopped and said, wait a minute this can't be true. yet, it's happening. what's with my stars? are they mad at me. ok what can i do for them to like me? o well, good luck with me. if only i could just kill myself at this very moment, then i believe things woudl have been just fine and dandy. isn't it? i want to breathe for about 10 hours to get over all the things i feel inside. all the fears i hid inside. all the wearies and quandaries i analyze..
my only question is, what is my purpose here. what is the purpose of having this kind of lifestyle. is this really what is destined for me why i was created inthis sad pathetic played out scheme world? if ever that is my purpose, then i will be satisfied because i won't have to aim for anything higher but ust to ride with it and deal with it until the day i die. if ever those are my purpose. it's almost 11am and so far things are not that settle. things are a bit messed up. just looking for a happy medium, bliss and solace. but they keep on hiding because they don't like me at all. if only something would just show up on my face and talk to me abut what i feel now, then it iwll be highly appreciated. if only something could just mind wiped me and forget everything. I literary want to start a new like everything i have now is removed from me and all the things i have in mind will disappear as well so i can live my life from the start. at least i would somehow find myself and be myself again and again and again and whatsoever...
well i have decided to get the lyrics of the song by john stephens by listening to his song. basically it's not available on the internet and i have tried looking for the lyrics from any possible websites but it displayed no results. too bad. so there are words that i can't barely understand. i kept analyzing the statement for that word but it really turns out differently. anywayl i have decided to stop it because it's really annoying.. am i being tortured and pounished? well will somebody tell me? i'm not aware and i don't have an idea. this really sucks big time. i am so sick and tired of this......
sad to dsay, fish is still around and it's really all the way annoying big time. i really don't like to see him and i don't want to talk t him and all because he's a pain in the ass. i don't care about his promotion and all because i do believe it's not success, it's luck because of his incompetencies and lies and becuse he cheats. it's not really success because he's a cheater and because of it, he got lucky. now that's pathetic, definitely.
well a team mate of mine approached me and told me about some of the things to do and stuff. i feel so bad because i told him that he's a full time floorwalker today for some reason he does not have any orders processed and all.... honestly, a bit bitter and pissed, irritated and annoyed about the whle scenario and it sucks bigt ime and i don't know why this stupid tl did not assign me to be the floorwalker and all. such a freaking bastard shit head. o well what else can i do about it? nothing. for now, i am excited because at least will be able to visit rex again and burn some dvds. i'm so freaking excited and i just can't wait for that. but plesae i don't want him to text me and say that he's busy or he's going somewhere to day so my visit for today will be cancelled. i'm going to kill him if that happeneds. aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggh! sometimes when i think like this, it happeneds. so sometimes i blame myself for thinking about it.
ok one more thing basically i'm the only one who's left in the team taking in calls. basically the other's are pulled out to be a floorwalker for other teams here... CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why not me. what the fuck is going on here. this is so unfair. what i'll do is i'll just go home without saying goodbye to all of them. i'll never talk to them and never, ever say a word to them. PUTANGINA TALAGA NG TL NA ITO!!!! I hope you get yours. ihope you'll get the worse pain that i have right now the same with your puppy........ bull shit!
Now i'm mad and angry and i want to dissolve and evaporate in the air just to get over things here. it's so sad that i am such a loser and all. i will get mine someday in return. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i can't take this anymore........
well, right now, i'm completly, perfectly, grudgingly, and lovingly fed up with this messed up scheme and all. i just don't feel so well, i guess this damn feeling has consumed me even more and haunted me back and i'm ready to freak out and scream out loud that i could loose my life and patience and mys terngth and just die like a desserted plant. can't seem to fight it and i'm already pissed. i can't seem to put into words what i really feel right now. seeing things that are going on here really makes me weak. i want to go now, i want to forget all this and just live my life accordingly. i know and i am aware that i'm not playing the game right. this is not the way on how to play the real game as what i have analyzed and realized and found out. o well, pathetic it may seem. ok, i'll just find a way to cure all this. hopefully it would find the cure by itself but i need to search for it anyway.
ciao! good luck!
i have started reading the book which was purchased by my friend, precious. well i have enjoyed it a lot and laughed at it while reading for some statements and dialogues that the author had composed. it's actually exciting and interesting to read the book the whole day. i just wanted t konw what would happen to the main character by it's rival's deception. o well all i have to do to find out is to read it until i finish reading it. i'm so darn sad. i don't know exactly what to feel right now, i feel like i have been tortured and got my feelings or myself corrupted by my emotions. is this what i get after all the painstaking patience i have done? seeing all these people who are behind me, get promoted and do new tasks and watching me having the same job ever since i started working? this is really, really bad and annoying. i can't imagine that i'm going all the way down than i could imagine. well, good luck with everything and hopefully things would go my way......
well am i fortunate or what? o well as what they say, patience is a virtue. i'm so sick and tired of hearing that and i'm fed up with that statement. as far as i know i've been patient long enough since i was born and yet things are worse. i know i'm doign the things to reach that goal and have patience but still nothing happeneds. is that what is my purpose and destination in life? o well what can i do? all i can do is breakdown and cry and freak out to let it go. i know nothing will seem to happen or progress in doing such crap, bu at least i'm doing something just to forget it all and recharge my patience. i'm not a conversal person, i just keep things in me which is unhealthy but it's the only way to avoid being humiliated and all.they said, let you live your life. i'm living it but it's just that life does not want me to live it. i don't know for some reason. i guess it'sbecause of my level of thinking that's why things that are given to me are of the same level of my thinking. too bad and pathetic. now growth and no gain. just pain....i'm not really sure if i should continue reading the book because of wha ti currently feel right now. i feel sad and discomforted. i feel like everyone's bringing me dow and neglecting me and abandoning me. i feel like i'm on my own with nothing. ii don't want to think now about what would happen to me if i'm still here in this freaking darn team. maybe i woud just be a tearjerker shit head. good, so i can start killing myself, perhaps. i'm really going all the way down. all the way down until i hit the bottom unknwn. i still do believe that there's still time for me to shine and all. things will go my way and it will give me good news. sometimes when i read my horoscope, what it's implying to me is somewhat true. when i read my horoscope today, it's like it is implying to me that for this day, i don't have to expect much about things because ti won't happen at all. ok so i was pretty fell backwards and stopped and said, wait a minute this can't be true. yet, it's happening. what's with my stars? are they mad at me. ok what can i do for them to like me? o well, good luck with me. if only i could just kill myself at this very moment, then i believe things woudl have been just fine and dandy. isn't it? i want to breathe for about 10 hours to get over all the things i feel inside. all the fears i hid inside. all the wearies and quandaries i analyze..
my only question is, what is my purpose here. what is the purpose of having this kind of lifestyle. is this really what is destined for me why i was created inthis sad pathetic played out scheme world? if ever that is my purpose, then i will be satisfied because i won't have to aim for anything higher but ust to ride with it and deal with it until the day i die. if ever those are my purpose. it's almost 11am and so far things are not that settle. things are a bit messed up. just looking for a happy medium, bliss and solace. but they keep on hiding because they don't like me at all. if only something would just show up on my face and talk to me abut what i feel now, then it iwll be highly appreciated. if only something could just mind wiped me and forget everything. I literary want to start a new like everything i have now is removed from me and all the things i have in mind will disappear as well so i can live my life from the start. at least i would somehow find myself and be myself again and again and again and whatsoever...
well i have decided to get the lyrics of the song by john stephens by listening to his song. basically it's not available on the internet and i have tried looking for the lyrics from any possible websites but it displayed no results. too bad. so there are words that i can't barely understand. i kept analyzing the statement for that word but it really turns out differently. anywayl i have decided to stop it because it's really annoying.. am i being tortured and pounished? well will somebody tell me? i'm not aware and i don't have an idea. this really sucks big time. i am so sick and tired of this......
sad to dsay, fish is still around and it's really all the way annoying big time. i really don't like to see him and i don't want to talk t him and all because he's a pain in the ass. i don't care about his promotion and all because i do believe it's not success, it's luck because of his incompetencies and lies and becuse he cheats. it's not really success because he's a cheater and because of it, he got lucky. now that's pathetic, definitely.
well a team mate of mine approached me and told me about some of the things to do and stuff. i feel so bad because i told him that he's a full time floorwalker today for some reason he does not have any orders processed and all.... honestly, a bit bitter and pissed, irritated and annoyed about the whle scenario and it sucks bigt ime and i don't know why this stupid tl did not assign me to be the floorwalker and all. such a freaking bastard shit head. o well what else can i do about it? nothing. for now, i am excited because at least will be able to visit rex again and burn some dvds. i'm so freaking excited and i just can't wait for that. but plesae i don't want him to text me and say that he's busy or he's going somewhere to day so my visit for today will be cancelled. i'm going to kill him if that happeneds. aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggh! sometimes when i think like this, it happeneds. so sometimes i blame myself for thinking about it.
ok one more thing basically i'm the only one who's left in the team taking in calls. basically the other's are pulled out to be a floorwalker for other teams here... CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why not me. what the fuck is going on here. this is so unfair. what i'll do is i'll just go home without saying goodbye to all of them. i'll never talk to them and never, ever say a word to them. PUTANGINA TALAGA NG TL NA ITO!!!! I hope you get yours. ihope you'll get the worse pain that i have right now the same with your puppy........ bull shit!
Now i'm mad and angry and i want to dissolve and evaporate in the air just to get over things here. it's so sad that i am such a loser and all. i will get mine someday in return. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! i can't take this anymore........
well, right now, i'm completly, perfectly, grudgingly, and lovingly fed up with this messed up scheme and all. i just don't feel so well, i guess this damn feeling has consumed me even more and haunted me back and i'm ready to freak out and scream out loud that i could loose my life and patience and mys terngth and just die like a desserted plant. can't seem to fight it and i'm already pissed. i can't seem to put into words what i really feel right now. seeing things that are going on here really makes me weak. i want to go now, i want to forget all this and just live my life accordingly. i know and i am aware that i'm not playing the game right. this is not the way on how to play the real game as what i have analyzed and realized and found out. o well, pathetic it may seem. ok, i'll just find a way to cure all this. hopefully it would find the cure by itself but i need to search for it anyway.
ciao! good luck!
posted by ly at 1:04 PM
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