mom

ok, so i'm back. don't mention it. i know. anyway, things are getting better somehow since teddy went back to toronto. ok so i did not have to take in calls and also last night tes told me that she will train me for call routing which was advised by olive. so i feel like i have a chance and all. hopefully. then today, this will be my last day of the week and tomorrow and on thursday i will be on rest days. ok so last friday, lolive provided us a new schedule and that i am so ever happy becauwse she said that i won't be taking in calls any longer except for tuesday since karla and mavs are around. which is ok, but still pissed off about it. when will i ever be a full time wfm so i won't have to worry about my status and all. i felt ok since i went in their room and hand them an ensaymada and informed them that i bought more since some shift sups are telling me why i'm not even giving some of it. then both karla and olive,since they're both in the room, said, wow, and thanked me for it. i feel like things are good. but somehow i'm still paranoid that they might say that i'm over reacting and all with all the stuff that i'm doing, like buying food for them and all. well first of all i'm not doing this because i am couriting my boss just to hire me and all, but it's just that i'm really happy to be a part of that team. hopefully, if ever they'll going to get a feedback out of me, hopefully things are good, somehow there's a little bit of unpleasant feedback but at least almost or majority of those feedback are good.

well today's my mom's birthday, and too bad, she';s sick. her sugar increased the reason why she's dizzy, and have an extreme headache. now, she can't even stand up when i called the house. the reason also why no one's answering the phone is because atchie called and mom's using the phone. so that's alright. then my sister messaged me and asked me about my plans since it's mom's birthday. so i have decided to call her up and inform her about mom's status. thankfully, she's on the way home. at least she would accompany mom. i hated my sister, the pother sister because she's upstairs and left mom and her son downstaris. she's so selfish and very annoying. i hope she would someday realize everything that she did when shew as young and how much burdens she gave her mom. also the things that her mom did for her sjust for her to straighten her life. o well, life is so short.

o well hopefully things will be bigger better and brighter for the mean time.

omg!

ok so here we are again and i'm totally pissed off. well of course i met dan in the elevator and asked me about CCPulse and it will be today that he will request me for pull out. so i have asked karla and what i have heard is, they should coordinate with karla or with wfm, about it. well of course to tell you the truth i felt like i'm embarrassed and that i should have not allowed myself to ask her. it turns out that i really don't want to take in calls. o well, i told her that one of the trainers approached me about it. o well i suck! so the next thing i did was emailed dan and told him about it so that he would immediately talk to them and if it's possible. talk of angels, dan approached me and said that it will be postponed because his boss asked him to do something. so i said to myself, ok i'm really, really humiliated with what i just did. this is so fucking stupid. ok what lesson i have learned, never ever rush things or else things will go so wrong. now, i'm shy to go to the wfm room because of what had happened last tuesday. i'm such a fucking loser. now, can you fucking tell me what should i be doing now? ok i will try my best to avoid things like these and also rushing things just t get away with this fucking calls. i feel like i'm thrown away. and i have thrown myself away. now, what will be my future. ok it's 6 minutes and counting until i log in and take in fucking calls. how i freaking wish, that things will change. on the other hand, today is pay day and it sucks big time because i got 7.9K and that's bad. i did not have any absent or late and so far as of now, payslips are not distributed yet for some reason. i have noticed that this company is getting annoying and irritating and their payroll department are very incompetent. i dont' know what they are doing, i also tink that the company is running out of money. i don't know. the company is getting bigger but it sucks big time. anyway, once i have received that payslip, they should have some explaining to do a good explanation for all these or else, a lot of poeple will resign, and they will have a bad reputation here. no one would ever apply here again. well onestly people are motivated to go to work because of the pay and yet a lot of discrepancies are raised and every payday, there are problems when employees recevied their check. that's totally bad. because of all these, i also have a problem with my job. sigh!

i want to find some clear answers and exxplanations for what has been going on with me. i'm sick and tired and fed up i want to die, so somebody kill me please! well, the team just arrived and i have informed TL that i won't come because i only received 7.9K and that's bad and it's not enough for me to come with the GA. she said that others also received that pay, so would i know what the fuck happened and what is going on? this is such a fucking nightmare. sigh! o well what else can i do? all ican do is just to wait and be patient, whether you like it or else. how ami going to survive if all i am doing is to mess up the whole day, or shall i say everyday that GOD has created. o well, i suck, so kill me.

i wanted, to be like others, who are very confident and fortunate when they wanted to grab the opportunity. i wonder what else can i do to have what i want. what else should i exert or exhaust in me. i feel so sad. bad, mad, gglad that i could just kill myself.

what else could happen or what else could possibly go wrong?

ok so i just arrived from 30th floor and i made excuses just to grab a smoke. pasaway talaga. i just fucking hate it, because when i came inn there i saw fish, and he actually saw me approaching so the setup was like this. i was about to got o the smoking room when i saw him talking with someone in the hr room, so i think fast and just go ahead and go to where he is and ask for the payslip, pakunwari lang, coz i couldl nto turn my back and it will be obvious, so i went ahead and leave and went straigh ahead to the rest room and heard him approaching and going down stairs, that was a relief and so i went ahead and entered the smoking room. that was a close encounter. that's darn close to another problem. aaaaaaaarrrrrrrggghhhh!

it's almost 4pm, and i do believe karla will be going home for now. hopefully i could escape and just go there and shit! this is a mistake really. all a mistake, because of my arrogance iam so darn pissed.

o well, so much to say.

another sad, pathetic journey of a loser......

hi there, well it's another day, and i thought someine from the training team would even pull me out just to show him how to use this certain tool. well thankfully we had our meeting with my team and it's more about our GA and so i will definitley come if my mom would allow me. then i was just wondering how come this trainer did not look for me or even email me yet. so after the meeting i have received an email and it came from him saying that his boss asked him to do other stuff and so it will be postponed. just don't fucking tell me that he will pull me out at or on friday, i'm surely going to kill him. but that's ok and fine. anyway, as of now, i don't have the care that i used to have before with WFM. i don't know, but i still care. after all what had happened yesterday, it was such a pain in the ass.

as of the moment i am logged in and and wainting for a call. i would answer calls and do whatever i have to do so that they won't say something about me. or it won't hinder my application as an rta. i don't know whether if i have to proceed with the whole nine yards if ever there is an opening. sad to say, but if i have to, then i have to. i wish i could somehow, survive and also i could somehow get over it so i will be happy and satisfied. well i have forgotten rex, and so far he's not calling me or even texting me and stuff, so i believe he's been busy with this good friends in school and he already forgotten me. well that's ok and i've been always left behind. i have accepted the fact that no one ever had fun together with me. in other words i'm not that kind of person who will be liked or even would enjoy my company. i'm a loser, loner and pathetic shit head, and i have accepted that. o well as long as i have my work that's fucking fine, at least somehow i will survive with my everyday life.

earlier this morning the phone rang while me my mom and my sister are having this conversation, i picked it up and this sassy little child is trying to make childish conversation, the second time it rang i berated that child then banged the phone. my mom told me not to do that and it would damage our phone and not theirs. then my sister began to comment that i will be an old male maid. you know what i mean? anyway, i just hate it when people are being childish in times that you don't gfeel like being joked around.

today, when i came in the office, i did not proceed to the WFM room, i have noticed that the visitor his there and that i feel like i don't even have a face to show on them after what happened yesterday that made me almost cry. well tes, noticed that because i was so quiet and all and she even advised me about what i have been doing with the RTA respnsibilities, the reason also why i just shut my mouth and felt like i wanted to die on that moment to somehow compensate on what are the things i have done to them. o well, life is ever so strange so full of change, thinking that you are doing the best you can and after all you're not exerting anything for it and you are being noticed and turns out to be a failure. so sad but true. everyone knows, that reality bites. then last night a TL approached me and asked f there's an opening for WF, and i asked her where did she find that information, and she said that it was cascaded through email. so i was pretty scared and all because i might be replaced and end up just like jayjay. i'm not being pessimistic, i still think that i wont' be replaced and all it's just that i'm realistic, because both can happen to me, right? o well i am praying to god that hopefully someday i would be accepted and hired as an RTA, full time. so much for this thing i guess i just have to show them the best i ever had. , if i have.


anyway, what else can i say about what has been going on? so far i'm craving for some wellness for my life. i hope i would definitely find myself around the corner so i could live my life to the fullest. i envy my sisters, at least they know what theywant and also they can have what they want. unlike me, i could not make decisions on my own because i'm scared that i may hurt everybody and afraid to take all the risk. (what a loser?)

what's going on here man?

hi there, it's been months since i have published my last blog. sorry for that but it's just that i've been busy at the WFM. today is a day, a new day and annoying day again for me. well basically, when i came to the office, i found out that an expat, thai, is here and so one of the RTAs is stationed outside the office. so i seated there with her. her name is mavs. then one thing and one mistake i ever did was to contact karla regarding what we did to the computer. and so she called back and asked me to take in calls for the meantime. too bad. i was pretty much annoyed and irritated. not at her i know she's a nice girl and very accommodating person and i have nothing against her at all. it's just that i'm pissed off with the scenario for now. teddy, the expat thai, will stay here for about 2 fucking weeks, that's from monday-friday and my shift is 2pm -11pm and that's monday to friday also. ok so i have to take in calls every monday, to friday. isn't it annoying. i just don't want to be an agent anymore. it sucks big time. i wanted to become a full time WFM. right now, how i envy ferdie. at least he has this great personality that anyone who would meet him will and shall like him. unlike me, i'm just trying hard to be liked by everyone. how pathetic.... well before all this, on my way to work, well tried to ask my sister to lend me an allowance which i will return on thursday. then she is like freaking out about it and why did we just told her about it just today and all the crap. so i have tried to control my fucking self and just shut the fuck up to avoid any conflicts and all. so i have tried my best to search for pennies in my mom's bag and mine too. i was able to come up with 90 bucks and thankfully i have my lunch with me which was prepared by my mom. then momentarily i feel like something's growling in my stomach, so i took time to release it, then suddenly a lightning stirkes with thunder, and so i hurried and realized that it will rain hard. so far i was already in the vehicle when the rain started to pour hard. then without any thought, it flooded the way to my destination, thank god it did not have to make my travel to be delayed. i told myself, that the country is so pathetic that it would just rain a bit, it would flood easily. i never really thought that it was a sign for me, when this WFM thing happened. when i started to write for my journal, then i started to think that those are the signs. well what will happen to me? i'm so irritated and so pissed off about all this. o well what can i do? all i can do is just to obey and follow what they are asking me to do and that's it.

i personally wanted to apologize to her about what had happened a while ago if i acted just like jayjay. well honestly, i really don't want to take in anymore calls because i'm pissed and i'm sick and tired of being an agent. hopefully karla would accept my apology. i'm pretty paranoid and all and it's just that if only i could change this whole scenario, well i would not be taking in calls at all for now.

sigh! i just could not accept all this if only my shift starts at 7pm to 4 am then i would not be able to see the morning shift people and i would not take in calls. life is really annoying, specifically mine, i'm so unfortunate and unlucky. i don't know whether if i should be excited to go to work tomorrow or every tuesday and wednesday. basically monday is karla's rest day, then thursday and friday it's mavs offs. ok i don't know whether i should get excited with thursday, friday and monday. darn it. darn that expat. DIE!

moving on, i have a call and i painstakingly answered it and so far they are so good to me. o well, that's good enough. well i do have to park this now and i would have to prepare to take my freaking lunch because i do believe that mavs going to leave at 6pm on the dot. well until next time.