confused!
what a day, yesterday we went home with our tl. i was stuck on the phone for about 30 minutes over the end of my shift. so we all went home and before that, ferdie borrowed 60 bucks from me which i think is not appropriate for him to borrow. i told him that i owe him a hundred and so told him that it's a payment for what i owe him and i still owe him 40 bucks more. then ron tried to borrow money from me but i told him that i don't have money anymore.
going on, downstairs with our tl they decided to grab a bite and asked me if i wanted to come. of course i told them no, and i need to go home already. so the three of them went ahead and grab a bite, while ron had this facial expression like for crying out loud, he would like to say i'm kj. do you know what i mean? then i hurried to get out of the building and have this feeling that they would force me to stay for a while. but of course they don't care. i thought that it will be nice, but definitely it wasn't. when i got home i decided to drink 8 tablets of ferrous sulfate. well, it was because i hated myself and i wanted to die and i wanted to know the feeling of drug overdose. well i know it's not really a strong medicine. but i believe it would affect my body in drinking too much ferrous sulfate. then i went ahead and sleep. well i felt bad because my stomach hurts. i feel like i wanted to vomit. i can't sleep properly. i said to myself,"alright i'm dying, common let me die now!" then i just realize that i was sleeeping already. darn it. while i was sleeping i felt some growling in my stomach. i woke up and said again come on let me die. but then i fell asleep again. why can't i just die right now? then momentarily i felt bad again with my stomach keeps on aching.
then the story goes on.....while i was sleeping i tend to dream of something different, it invokes sorrow and spectacle in a way....anyways, i woke up at 1:30 am. ate my breakfast, peanut butter sandwich to be certain. i left the house around 2:30 am and got scolded again by my mom, because of certain stuff and scenario. i arrived around 3:00 am and grabbed a smoke. met my ex-officemates in the smoking room and mingle on certain stuff with what had happened to that company. o well then suddenly sunday, ron called in my cellphone. i was shocked that my phone was vibrating. i wonder who had messaged me. then i saw the message that somebody is calling me. i wonder who was it. found out that it was ron. but first i thought it was my previous company, then i began to wonder how the hell the previous company got my number. but eventually he introduced himself saying,this is ron. ok i was shocked and wonder why he called. i thought that he's gonna be late or absent. then he said that he will be late as i went back to my station and saw tl and gave my phone to her because ron will call back. ok found out that he'll be late but he's not. just to share it. then moments later while i was taking calls. i received a new message from our company's email. i said, "well it's gonna be another update. then i saw the message and it's from him. o great, i wonder what will this be. then i checked the message and he's trying to borrow money from me, again. well that's fine but the sad part is i don't have money. so i explained to him that i also borrowed money from my mom and i apologize to him. then no message came back. i'm not expecting but i really want to run away from this messed up place, i want to break freeee, yeah,yeah,yeah.....
i already took my lunch and waiting for the time to end....specifically my lunch time, hehehehe. i'm seated at his station which he used to sit yesterday. ok so what. my tl told us to sit at another station but the tools are not working there so i transferred where he was seated yesterday. I'm so pathetic, odd, and worthless. i just realize that what i'm doing is so bad that i really wish i'm dead. i got 6 minutes left on my time. i'm about to take calls. i'll give you an update, alright see you later........
i just finished my last short break and actually ron invited me to go on break but i was still on a call then, minutes later i got off from the call and went ahead on break. i met him there in the smoking area and talked about the crap again which is going on with these crap people that surrounds us. in other terms, self-centeredness stuff. ok going on. he mentioned that he was really in a hurry and he really hurried up to go to work a while ago because he was almost late. then he finished his cigar and went off. i was left alone in the room and realized to stop the crap that i'm up with. ok i will change. i won't look pathetic anymore. i would just not mind whatever i see between him and the other person coz it would just drag me down. and that i will stop taking ferrous sulfate again, because it's really a crap.
i've checked my excite mail and i found this readings about myself and i would like to share it. here goes:
You're ready to tell it like it is, but is your audience ready to hear the real deal? It's certainly not an unfamiliar crossroads for you to find yourself at, and it's highly unlikely that you'll hold back this time. While your straightforwardness makes you a valuable asset, it may not make you incredibly popular right now. If you're concerned about keeping your fan base, engage your tolerant side before you decide what you're going to say.
I wonder what this means but i can relate to it. promise! see you tommorrow.
PS
I'M STUCK IN A CALL AGAIN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
going on, downstairs with our tl they decided to grab a bite and asked me if i wanted to come. of course i told them no, and i need to go home already. so the three of them went ahead and grab a bite, while ron had this facial expression like for crying out loud, he would like to say i'm kj. do you know what i mean? then i hurried to get out of the building and have this feeling that they would force me to stay for a while. but of course they don't care. i thought that it will be nice, but definitely it wasn't. when i got home i decided to drink 8 tablets of ferrous sulfate. well, it was because i hated myself and i wanted to die and i wanted to know the feeling of drug overdose. well i know it's not really a strong medicine. but i believe it would affect my body in drinking too much ferrous sulfate. then i went ahead and sleep. well i felt bad because my stomach hurts. i feel like i wanted to vomit. i can't sleep properly. i said to myself,"alright i'm dying, common let me die now!" then i just realize that i was sleeeping already. darn it. while i was sleeping i felt some growling in my stomach. i woke up and said again come on let me die. but then i fell asleep again. why can't i just die right now? then momentarily i felt bad again with my stomach keeps on aching.
then the story goes on.....while i was sleeping i tend to dream of something different, it invokes sorrow and spectacle in a way....anyways, i woke up at 1:30 am. ate my breakfast, peanut butter sandwich to be certain. i left the house around 2:30 am and got scolded again by my mom, because of certain stuff and scenario. i arrived around 3:00 am and grabbed a smoke. met my ex-officemates in the smoking room and mingle on certain stuff with what had happened to that company. o well then suddenly sunday, ron called in my cellphone. i was shocked that my phone was vibrating. i wonder who had messaged me. then i saw the message that somebody is calling me. i wonder who was it. found out that it was ron. but first i thought it was my previous company, then i began to wonder how the hell the previous company got my number. but eventually he introduced himself saying,this is ron. ok i was shocked and wonder why he called. i thought that he's gonna be late or absent. then he said that he will be late as i went back to my station and saw tl and gave my phone to her because ron will call back. ok found out that he'll be late but he's not. just to share it. then moments later while i was taking calls. i received a new message from our company's email. i said, "well it's gonna be another update. then i saw the message and it's from him. o great, i wonder what will this be. then i checked the message and he's trying to borrow money from me, again. well that's fine but the sad part is i don't have money. so i explained to him that i also borrowed money from my mom and i apologize to him. then no message came back. i'm not expecting but i really want to run away from this messed up place, i want to break freeee, yeah,yeah,yeah.....
i already took my lunch and waiting for the time to end....specifically my lunch time, hehehehe. i'm seated at his station which he used to sit yesterday. ok so what. my tl told us to sit at another station but the tools are not working there so i transferred where he was seated yesterday. I'm so pathetic, odd, and worthless. i just realize that what i'm doing is so bad that i really wish i'm dead. i got 6 minutes left on my time. i'm about to take calls. i'll give you an update, alright see you later........
i just finished my last short break and actually ron invited me to go on break but i was still on a call then, minutes later i got off from the call and went ahead on break. i met him there in the smoking area and talked about the crap again which is going on with these crap people that surrounds us. in other terms, self-centeredness stuff. ok going on. he mentioned that he was really in a hurry and he really hurried up to go to work a while ago because he was almost late. then he finished his cigar and went off. i was left alone in the room and realized to stop the crap that i'm up with. ok i will change. i won't look pathetic anymore. i would just not mind whatever i see between him and the other person coz it would just drag me down. and that i will stop taking ferrous sulfate again, because it's really a crap.
i've checked my excite mail and i found this readings about myself and i would like to share it. here goes:
You're ready to tell it like it is, but is your audience ready to hear the real deal? It's certainly not an unfamiliar crossroads for you to find yourself at, and it's highly unlikely that you'll hold back this time. While your straightforwardness makes you a valuable asset, it may not make you incredibly popular right now. If you're concerned about keeping your fan base, engage your tolerant side before you decide what you're going to say.
I wonder what this means but i can relate to it. promise! see you tommorrow.
PS
I'M STUCK IN A CALL AGAIN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by ly at 1:40 PM
1 Comments:
Hello Confused,
I am sorry to read you are thinking about suicide. I pray that you will come to know the love of God and that you will know how much you are worth. Do not ever think to end your own life. It's just exactly what the Devil wants you to do. He wants you in misery and he wants your soul.
God wants your soul too, but to make you happy for eternity.
Since you are unhappy, try something new: try God. What do you have to lose? God has a plan for you. Turn to Him and find out how much joy He has in store for you if you turn away from worldly values and follow Him.
God made you, and He loves you in a special way like any father loves each of his children.
Please read the Gospel of John and go to a Catholic Church and pray and ask God to help you. He will not let you down. Ask Him what he wants you to do with your life. Ask Him to turn away from bad ways of living that may be behind what is making you so miserable.
With prayers and love,
Roseanne
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