for crying out loud, please!
belated merry christmas to you. well last friday, it was a relief that i am solo for today. meaning i passed the transition and i'm in ops. very nice. well basically after the shift i did not mind waiting for those guys but they keep on waiting for me and messaging me, where i am. so i was not able to go home early, instead they invited me to go and have something to bite. we went to a fast food chain located downstairs. they are offering me what i want to eat but of course i declined and i don't want to eat. i was so sad because obviously i'll be left out again. and so it really happened. i hate it. yeah of course i look so pathetic and worthless that day. i don't talk much. well because they both are just having this conversation which i know i can relate but he don't talk to me. darn it, man. so i'm so quiet then he noticed that i'm so quiet. he said that why i was so quiet and what's the problem. i said that i have no problem, but deep inside, i'm really having a bad day, and a humongus problem.
moments later i told them that i need to come home. all of us started to pack our things and headed home. while we were walking out of the bldg, both of them again, are just talking about certain stuff. ok so i'm really pissed off. i go right ahead of them, leaving them behind. yeah, i'm pretty sure that he's asking ferdie, what my problem is. whenever we go home we all stop in the loading zone and talk about stuff, but what i did was i immediately rode a jeep. without giving a formal goodbye. i don't care if they're talking about me and stuff and i wish they would really hate me for that.
i went home i got home around 4 pm and i was surprised that my mom told me to accompany my nephew in the xmas party that was organized by our neighbor. so i seated and waited for the party to start and sat on the ledge kept thinking about things that's going on. i actually enjoyed it pretty much, because i got acquainted by our neighbors and started to build a rapport to them. i kinda feel odd because they are so called, jologs. sorry to say that but they're good. i find them immature and uncool for me. i'm really sorry, but i admire their company. so i seated and watched my nephew play the parlor games that they've come up with. then momentarily they started to invite everybody to grab a bite. my mom told me to get them food. so i did. afterwards i grabbed a plate and eat my meal. i was pretty much happy that night because i did not know that they're putting up a band there. i decided to go home before that even started and kept waiting for any occurences that i might join in the party.
while i was waiting for anything to happen, i grabbed my sisters guitar and played a few song. then i just realized that somebody's playing the drums and guitar. i said to myself hey that's cool. Those people started to play a few song and i started singing while they're playing. it was a relief, because my mom is downstairs and i was playing my guitar upstairs, i mean my sister's guitar. when i heard that they're already playing or performing i started to sing along with their music. going back, it was arelief because it gave me a chance to shout out loud or to sing out loud. they're actually playing alternative and rock music which all were very familiar for me. so i sang out loud, for crying out loud, and i was able to release my anger, temper, dpression, desperation and whatever you may call it. i even managed to shout at the top of my lungs, oh yeeeeeeeah! as far as i can remember the music that they played were, bamboo, incubus, hale, santana and cueshè songs. i all know all those songs that those band sang, which the band played. i just love it.
then the next day, which is dec 24th, i decided to fix my computer and gradually, eventually, luckily i found what the problem was. the driver for my video card is not compatible with my board and so it causes to lock up the systemn. i installed all the software available and, walah! it does not lock up anymore, yehey! i played some games and installed a lot of softwares.
$pm my mom was scolding me to take a bath already. ok so i did and i have the urge to even accompany her to go to mass. with my younger sister. when we arrive home, my uncle and cousins are there waiting for us. they ate potato salad and had a few talk. i was shocked that i was able to build rapport and conversation with my uncle and cousins. which i don't usually do prior to that day. well maybe because i was so happy and i feel satisfied. my god, what a beautiful day that was. of course i greeted few of my friends and never greeted him for the reason that i don't want to feel ignored again as i usually feel.
momentarily, i got a message from him saying, "Merry Christmas". i wrote it the same as he wrote it" you know what i did? i did not reply as if it's just a waste of time, money and effort. i'm gonna live my life. i'm trying it hard.
My cousin, donnah was also there at our house, but will not celebrate xmas with us. she went home and so i accompanied her home and stayed for about an hour at her place and talked about the problem that i'm having here at work. he seem to understand now what i've become. actually along the way we were talking about being independent stuff, crap like that, for crying out loud. It's a good feeling to share that to someone because it gives you the spirit of relief and relaxation.
anyway, today at work i did not waited for him i just went ahead and live my life. he keeps on asking g me to accompany him to eat, smoke and stuff. when he arrived at work he invited me to grab a smoke and i did not talk to him at all. i talked to one of my colleagues at CL. then first break i was alone. then lunch we took our lunch together but he decided to buy food downstairs and wait for me but he did not comeback and so i started to eat my lunch alone. then i saw him and he invited me to grab a smoke. yeah we're in the smoking room but i never talked to him.
now it's already 1:22 PM
anyway, i'm gonna continue this tomorrow, i'm tired.
moments later i told them that i need to come home. all of us started to pack our things and headed home. while we were walking out of the bldg, both of them again, are just talking about certain stuff. ok so i'm really pissed off. i go right ahead of them, leaving them behind. yeah, i'm pretty sure that he's asking ferdie, what my problem is. whenever we go home we all stop in the loading zone and talk about stuff, but what i did was i immediately rode a jeep. without giving a formal goodbye. i don't care if they're talking about me and stuff and i wish they would really hate me for that.
i went home i got home around 4 pm and i was surprised that my mom told me to accompany my nephew in the xmas party that was organized by our neighbor. so i seated and waited for the party to start and sat on the ledge kept thinking about things that's going on. i actually enjoyed it pretty much, because i got acquainted by our neighbors and started to build a rapport to them. i kinda feel odd because they are so called, jologs. sorry to say that but they're good. i find them immature and uncool for me. i'm really sorry, but i admire their company. so i seated and watched my nephew play the parlor games that they've come up with. then momentarily they started to invite everybody to grab a bite. my mom told me to get them food. so i did. afterwards i grabbed a plate and eat my meal. i was pretty much happy that night because i did not know that they're putting up a band there. i decided to go home before that even started and kept waiting for any occurences that i might join in the party.
while i was waiting for anything to happen, i grabbed my sisters guitar and played a few song. then i just realized that somebody's playing the drums and guitar. i said to myself hey that's cool. Those people started to play a few song and i started singing while they're playing. it was a relief, because my mom is downstairs and i was playing my guitar upstairs, i mean my sister's guitar. when i heard that they're already playing or performing i started to sing along with their music. going back, it was arelief because it gave me a chance to shout out loud or to sing out loud. they're actually playing alternative and rock music which all were very familiar for me. so i sang out loud, for crying out loud, and i was able to release my anger, temper, dpression, desperation and whatever you may call it. i even managed to shout at the top of my lungs, oh yeeeeeeeah! as far as i can remember the music that they played were, bamboo, incubus, hale, santana and cueshè songs. i all know all those songs that those band sang, which the band played. i just love it.
then the next day, which is dec 24th, i decided to fix my computer and gradually, eventually, luckily i found what the problem was. the driver for my video card is not compatible with my board and so it causes to lock up the systemn. i installed all the software available and, walah! it does not lock up anymore, yehey! i played some games and installed a lot of softwares.
$pm my mom was scolding me to take a bath already. ok so i did and i have the urge to even accompany her to go to mass. with my younger sister. when we arrive home, my uncle and cousins are there waiting for us. they ate potato salad and had a few talk. i was shocked that i was able to build rapport and conversation with my uncle and cousins. which i don't usually do prior to that day. well maybe because i was so happy and i feel satisfied. my god, what a beautiful day that was. of course i greeted few of my friends and never greeted him for the reason that i don't want to feel ignored again as i usually feel.
momentarily, i got a message from him saying, "Merry Christmas". i wrote it the same as he wrote it" you know what i did? i did not reply as if it's just a waste of time, money and effort. i'm gonna live my life. i'm trying it hard.
My cousin, donnah was also there at our house, but will not celebrate xmas with us. she went home and so i accompanied her home and stayed for about an hour at her place and talked about the problem that i'm having here at work. he seem to understand now what i've become. actually along the way we were talking about being independent stuff, crap like that, for crying out loud. It's a good feeling to share that to someone because it gives you the spirit of relief and relaxation.
anyway, today at work i did not waited for him i just went ahead and live my life. he keeps on asking g me to accompany him to eat, smoke and stuff. when he arrived at work he invited me to grab a smoke and i did not talk to him at all. i talked to one of my colleagues at CL. then first break i was alone. then lunch we took our lunch together but he decided to buy food downstairs and wait for me but he did not comeback and so i started to eat my lunch alone. then i saw him and he invited me to grab a smoke. yeah we're in the smoking room but i never talked to him.
now it's already 1:22 PM
anyway, i'm gonna continue this tomorrow, i'm tired.
posted by ly at 1:22 PM
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