too much ado about nothing......
hi, here i go again. i just don't know what i should feel. i don't know if i should be deliriously happy, or i should feel bad about some things. o well, confusing and irritating. my tl is here and i'm wondering if ever she would assign me as a floor walker. hopefully she would pick me or else, i'll hate her for that. why? well basically she coached me last, last week regarding starting to mold me as a floor walker and stuff like that. i'm really craving for it, and i really wanted to become a tl. so that i would boast to shit people here that i'm a tl, and so don't underestimate me, ever! if ever she would say that she would take it back because FISH is not leaving to US anymore and she chose him, i'll really hate her for that. one thing i don't like is making me antcipate for something that is not going to happen. in other words, making me expect for something you have planned, said and discussed and yet it will not happen or you would take it back. that's really way too bad for me and i'll start to loose my respect to you specifically to her. while i'm typing this, he arrived and asked me how was my weekend, well i said it was fine with this grinning smile on the face but basically i'm pissed off, and i just don't know why. what a day. o well another stuff, another shit, another freaking arrogant, stupid and pathetic day this will be for me. let's see and find it out.
well i've texted my sister earlier and asked them how they were and if ever they finally bought a computer table. guess what? they haven't because my mom forgot the money....WHAT????!!! ok so i told myself that i can buy that tom, hopefully. earlier i was excited for it and yet when i finally messaged them, i felt sad and bad. o well that's life, if you are too excited for some things, then basically expect the unexpected. what i mean is, it will drag you down to frustration and depression. o well i'm still hoping and i still have hope. ain't that cute? i also emailed my sister, who stays in US, regarding the money that she will send. told her that she should name it to my sister so she can get it from the bank.
Now i am really hoping that i would go to Canada na, so i can forget things here. ireally don't llike things that's going on my head when i go to work here. if not, i really hope that i die, right now, as in, now!!!! for screaming out loud.
by the way, istarted to listen to kelly clarkson's music, i heard her song, Behind These Hazel eyes. kinda like it. it really moves me and somehow i can relate to some part of the song, especially the chorus part.Then i just discovered a song from TRAPT entitled STILL FRAME. Then last day off, when i bopught a masking tape, i've passed by to a nearby house and they're listening to Alanis Morissette's song Forgiven, and it is acoustic. when i heard that i was pretty amazed and i find it wonderful, great awesome and stuff. so i wonder if she has a new acoustic perfoormance. i checked her website last night and found out that she released a new album, the same album from jagged a little pill but all are acoustic performances. i've started to download one song which i found from warez and until now it has not finished yet because i've run out of internet access. shockers! one thing i've realized is that if you have or if you know a lot of artists it blocks your mindwhich one is good to download and listen to. pretty confusing and sad. I wonder if ever i would be able to download a new music from a new artist. exciting isn't it?
going back to ron. a while ago i told hiim if he checked his mail, because i've sent him an email regarding a song for FISH. well when he read that he said that i'm good and know what kind of song i can relate to people and for myself. that's a good experience. at this very moment, he is talking with kelly, his L@ kuno. and i'm here just typing this pathetic journal. ok left behind. always ignored, abandoned, rejected and disregarded and set aside, either will be used for later and/or to be disposed. pathetic isn't it, well that's me! if only i could make myself deaf for the moment so i could not hear them. if only god provided us with special hearing controls, like selecting which ones you want to listen to or you want to hear. if only i could have that capability or ablitiy and that will be highly appreciated.
WHO WANTS TO BE HAPPY?!!!!! a lot of people wanted to be happy of course, especially myself, but, how can i be happy? how can i make my frown up side down? can you like give me some advices? i'm really fed up with my life, i can't do anything just to end my life. i'm afraid to commit suicide or even engaged with bad things like drugs and stuff. yeah, i do smoke but i don't drink. i'm a simple shit with a worthless life. if only i could talk to an angel, literally. but i just realized, how will an angel talk to me if i'm senseless.if there's no human being in this world that would adore me, comfort me, treasure me or talk to me for all the things that's happening to me. i read a diary from the genius band website. here goes: "I've come to the understanding that people treat other people poorly simply because they either can't see outside of their own lives, or they don't care. i seem to agree with that. actually this is John Stephen's diary and i can add more and i do really agree with what he is saying here. here goes: Normal, daily interaction between one person and another has become fundamentally detached. We almost feel if a person is a "stranger", then they don't matter. This idea then deteriorates to the unconscious notion that if we don't know someone, we can treat them poorly.
That's inspiring, don't you think? i do believe that every human being in this world matters. we just need to be polite, good and we should not be judgemental." We should always comfort otheres and their feelings and also understand what they're going through.
outside i look happy, satisfied and joyful, but on the inside, i'm dying, breaking down, hurt, lost and left out in the dark, rejected, ignored and disregarded. i can't seem to find something that would make me happy and craving for more days to come. i always think to just die. one thing that i just realized yesterday morning, all personal achievements in life is not generally considered for you to enter heaven. the part of life is on how you interact and show your attitude to others. you don't have to be rich just to help people. what i'm trying to say is, now i'm not really worried much about promotion in work, having a lot of stuff. well stuff is just something to make you going with your life while waiting for something or just to energize yourself from boredom.
just an addition to what happened here earlier with ron. kelly and ron were both talking about their team agenda and stuff. so should i butt in? duh! it would just drag me down to frustration, depression, devastation, as i can say. so i've decided to proceed with my journal so somehow i could document what i am experiencing. basically now i am stuck in a call for about an hour. i'm transferring the customer to l2 and found out that there are no available l2....damn it! ok so i have to wait here until there's one available. hopefully sean would be the one to handle the call coz he's nice and polite compared with other technicians.. ok i have noticed also that while i was talking with kelly, this FISH is staring at us like he's envious and shit. what a pathetic mongoloid. i'm also here down on my hands and knees and scream up to the heavens on high, make this FISH go away! while i was typing this paragraph i saw that FISH and again talking to precious and i wonder if he's on break just to suck up or he is assigned to do floor walking. damn her again. once i found out that he'll allow him to do the floor walk i'm going to hate her. from the bottom of my heart. i will curse on her and with that FISH bitch. o well good luck with that. i wish thhem luck. just a reality check there's a divine, what you call that? i forgot the term, i'm sorry..... anyway, i do believe in karma. not now but someday, they'll get it straight from heaven. i just can't understand why people are so inconsiderate. why would they be so bad and drag people down. i pray that i make it through it all. i hope that i would be smarter and wiser. i hope i would realize that and notice that change. please, i'm asking You, to show me the way to your blessings. i know i haven't found it yet and i'm not exerting any effort to find that out.
I really wanted to become a happy, satisfied, contented person. i know nobody's satisfied in their life, or fully satisfied with their life, but all i'm asking for is for me to feel good with myself and i don't have to worry things like what i'm feeling. basically, i wanted to be strong and confident with myself so that i can grow. for crying out loud, i really don't like this feeling and that i'm not like this before. please help me to go back where i was.i really do need a reason for all this. i'm craving for it. i want to fully understand things that are happening to me. i don't want to be hanging and waiting for the answer for 48 years coz i don't like thinking about things all day long when i'm alone or even when i don't have anything to do. with this kind of feeling, what i want to happen now is to go to CANADA. i really wanted to go there for me to experience being independent and not worrying about people or your family that surrounds me since i was young. i also wanted to decide on mysellf and i wanted to grow and with that i believe that it will make me smarter, wiser, stronger and more confident. i really think that's what i want to happen. i am saying this now is because i kept on saying that i really wanted to die now but it's not happening. so i'll think of something that will be more possible than dying now. if i am a good friend how come people don't mind my presence or absence. well i think it's because of their interests. o well, pathetic, i'm really pathetic. way too damn pathetic. if only somebody out there make me feel important, then i will highly appreciate that.
right now i have decided not to look at her and that FISH because it would just add up to my frustration and hatred. not healthy. i'll just irritate myself and that's pretty way too damn bad and pathetic and stuff. i still believe that things will be better. someday, somehow, we don't know when.
yesterday evening i received a message from the band genius and the letter came from Henry. i was so happy and glad that he replied and that itmade me feel so good. i thought it'll be ignored, the letter that i sent. well basically one thing i felt so bad was they don't want to add me on my friend's list and on their friend's list o well i told myself that someday perhaps they will add me up on their list. right now i'm down on my hands and knees and shout to the heavens on high that they will add me up on their friend's list, mwahahahahahahahahaha!!!
***ehem**** i also thought that if ever atchie asked me what i want (because she's in the states right now) i will ask for Genius CD. i really like their music and they're driving me crazy and nuts with their music and their style. mwahahahahahaha. I really hope that this band would infiltrate philippines, so that they're music will be available here for me to listen to.
basically, i've transferred to another station. i'm having problems with my log-in on the original station that i am using. isn't that cute. i kinda like it, because in my original station those dominant FISHES are very noisy and it affects my work. i decided to transfer and isolate myself on to the other station where no one's seated right next to me, from left, right, front and left front. you know what i mean? anyway, this is what i really like, alone, isolated, i have my own world, and stuff. it makes me feel alive and calm. no hassles, pressure and intimidation with people i really hate. going on i received her email and apologizing to people who took one more call when they decided to take their breaks. then she invited all of us to get drunk later if we're all available. well i'm not. i won't come because FISH and his dominions are there. i'm not pretentious. i'm not plastic. if i hate you, i hate all of my life.there's no way for me to give you trust anymore. sorry but that's me.
i've sent ron an email regarding his reply to what i have received from her (tl). well waiting for the reply and i think he's on a call, perhaps, i don't know, let me guess? just make sure that he will reply and that he won't be annoyed from what i have said. i don't know if he even cares. because sometimes everytime i read his messages, i feel like he's saying that in a way i can't explain that would make me feel bad. i don't know, i guess i don't make sense at all. i'm senselessi just received an email from her and it indicated the service orders we've created and mine does not have a red highlight, meaning it's perfect, but FISH's and other dominions have a problem with their service orders. mwahahahahahahaha! shit heads! so far i haven't received any email from ron and i'm wondering why it's taking so long. maybe he's already on break or lunch, i don't know, just don't tell me.
i just noticed that my journal is pretty way damn long and i really type all what i am experienceing or hsall i say, illiterating all the things that are happening. well that would be a history for me. the longest journal i have ever made. ok so i took my lunch after a 27 minute call. and waited for ron to take his lunch and i've waited for approximately 15 minutes and so i lost 15 minutes of my time. that's alright. we've talked about what i feel and the possibility of taking back what she had said when she coached me. owell what he said to me when i relay that possibility from my head, is that it'll be too bad. i've explained to him that the reason why i say those things, or i think about the possibility is for myself to be prepared. i'm not expecting for it to happen but somehow i will be prepared and ready. he said after saying that to me is that's right, correct and i feel better when he acknowledged that. i feel so something right now and i don't what that is. i don't really know what i should feel. it's like a mixed emotion. like a feeling of excitement coz i'm going to buy a computer table, i fell happy because i'm having a good time with ron and i feel so basd about her and that FISH and what they're doing too me. shucks! i hate it. it's kinda like somewhere in the middle of good and bad feelings. so way too darn worthless and senseless. **sigh**. o well just have to make things better now. i'm wondering when will i be contented and satisfied with my life. i just can't wait and i'm too impatient now.
here are the things that i really would like to happen and i will highly appreciate to happen:
1.get promoted as a TL
2.Work in Canada and live there for the rest of my life
3. Be independent, that's why i want to go to Canada
4. become wiser and and smarter
6.someone who would really treasure me, accept me and find me important in their lives.
7.if ever this will not happen, i want o die, somebody kill me please!!!!!!
Those are just few of the things i want to happen. is that too much to ask? i don't think so. hmmmmmm, what do you think?
o well see you on wednesday morning 6 am. and that would be an odd time for me because ron is from 9pm to 6 am, so sad and yet so bad. well, that's life in a call center. hopefully we would spent time together soon with ferdie. ciao.
well i've texted my sister earlier and asked them how they were and if ever they finally bought a computer table. guess what? they haven't because my mom forgot the money....WHAT????!!! ok so i told myself that i can buy that tom, hopefully. earlier i was excited for it and yet when i finally messaged them, i felt sad and bad. o well that's life, if you are too excited for some things, then basically expect the unexpected. what i mean is, it will drag you down to frustration and depression. o well i'm still hoping and i still have hope. ain't that cute? i also emailed my sister, who stays in US, regarding the money that she will send. told her that she should name it to my sister so she can get it from the bank.
Now i am really hoping that i would go to Canada na, so i can forget things here. ireally don't llike things that's going on my head when i go to work here. if not, i really hope that i die, right now, as in, now!!!! for screaming out loud.
by the way, istarted to listen to kelly clarkson's music, i heard her song, Behind These Hazel eyes. kinda like it. it really moves me and somehow i can relate to some part of the song, especially the chorus part.Then i just discovered a song from TRAPT entitled STILL FRAME. Then last day off, when i bopught a masking tape, i've passed by to a nearby house and they're listening to Alanis Morissette's song Forgiven, and it is acoustic. when i heard that i was pretty amazed and i find it wonderful, great awesome and stuff. so i wonder if she has a new acoustic perfoormance. i checked her website last night and found out that she released a new album, the same album from jagged a little pill but all are acoustic performances. i've started to download one song which i found from warez and until now it has not finished yet because i've run out of internet access. shockers! one thing i've realized is that if you have or if you know a lot of artists it blocks your mindwhich one is good to download and listen to. pretty confusing and sad. I wonder if ever i would be able to download a new music from a new artist. exciting isn't it?
going back to ron. a while ago i told hiim if he checked his mail, because i've sent him an email regarding a song for FISH. well when he read that he said that i'm good and know what kind of song i can relate to people and for myself. that's a good experience. at this very moment, he is talking with kelly, his L@ kuno. and i'm here just typing this pathetic journal. ok left behind. always ignored, abandoned, rejected and disregarded and set aside, either will be used for later and/or to be disposed. pathetic isn't it, well that's me! if only i could make myself deaf for the moment so i could not hear them. if only god provided us with special hearing controls, like selecting which ones you want to listen to or you want to hear. if only i could have that capability or ablitiy and that will be highly appreciated.
WHO WANTS TO BE HAPPY?!!!!! a lot of people wanted to be happy of course, especially myself, but, how can i be happy? how can i make my frown up side down? can you like give me some advices? i'm really fed up with my life, i can't do anything just to end my life. i'm afraid to commit suicide or even engaged with bad things like drugs and stuff. yeah, i do smoke but i don't drink. i'm a simple shit with a worthless life. if only i could talk to an angel, literally. but i just realized, how will an angel talk to me if i'm senseless.if there's no human being in this world that would adore me, comfort me, treasure me or talk to me for all the things that's happening to me. i read a diary from the genius band website. here goes: "I've come to the understanding that people treat other people poorly simply because they either can't see outside of their own lives, or they don't care. i seem to agree with that. actually this is John Stephen's diary and i can add more and i do really agree with what he is saying here. here goes: Normal, daily interaction between one person and another has become fundamentally detached. We almost feel if a person is a "stranger", then they don't matter. This idea then deteriorates to the unconscious notion that if we don't know someone, we can treat them poorly.
That's inspiring, don't you think? i do believe that every human being in this world matters. we just need to be polite, good and we should not be judgemental." We should always comfort otheres and their feelings and also understand what they're going through.
outside i look happy, satisfied and joyful, but on the inside, i'm dying, breaking down, hurt, lost and left out in the dark, rejected, ignored and disregarded. i can't seem to find something that would make me happy and craving for more days to come. i always think to just die. one thing that i just realized yesterday morning, all personal achievements in life is not generally considered for you to enter heaven. the part of life is on how you interact and show your attitude to others. you don't have to be rich just to help people. what i'm trying to say is, now i'm not really worried much about promotion in work, having a lot of stuff. well stuff is just something to make you going with your life while waiting for something or just to energize yourself from boredom.
just an addition to what happened here earlier with ron. kelly and ron were both talking about their team agenda and stuff. so should i butt in? duh! it would just drag me down to frustration, depression, devastation, as i can say. so i've decided to proceed with my journal so somehow i could document what i am experiencing. basically now i am stuck in a call for about an hour. i'm transferring the customer to l2 and found out that there are no available l2....damn it! ok so i have to wait here until there's one available. hopefully sean would be the one to handle the call coz he's nice and polite compared with other technicians.. ok i have noticed also that while i was talking with kelly, this FISH is staring at us like he's envious and shit. what a pathetic mongoloid. i'm also here down on my hands and knees and scream up to the heavens on high, make this FISH go away! while i was typing this paragraph i saw that FISH and again talking to precious and i wonder if he's on break just to suck up or he is assigned to do floor walking. damn her again. once i found out that he'll allow him to do the floor walk i'm going to hate her. from the bottom of my heart. i will curse on her and with that FISH bitch. o well good luck with that. i wish thhem luck. just a reality check there's a divine, what you call that? i forgot the term, i'm sorry..... anyway, i do believe in karma. not now but someday, they'll get it straight from heaven. i just can't understand why people are so inconsiderate. why would they be so bad and drag people down. i pray that i make it through it all. i hope that i would be smarter and wiser. i hope i would realize that and notice that change. please, i'm asking You, to show me the way to your blessings. i know i haven't found it yet and i'm not exerting any effort to find that out.
I really wanted to become a happy, satisfied, contented person. i know nobody's satisfied in their life, or fully satisfied with their life, but all i'm asking for is for me to feel good with myself and i don't have to worry things like what i'm feeling. basically, i wanted to be strong and confident with myself so that i can grow. for crying out loud, i really don't like this feeling and that i'm not like this before. please help me to go back where i was.i really do need a reason for all this. i'm craving for it. i want to fully understand things that are happening to me. i don't want to be hanging and waiting for the answer for 48 years coz i don't like thinking about things all day long when i'm alone or even when i don't have anything to do. with this kind of feeling, what i want to happen now is to go to CANADA. i really wanted to go there for me to experience being independent and not worrying about people or your family that surrounds me since i was young. i also wanted to decide on mysellf and i wanted to grow and with that i believe that it will make me smarter, wiser, stronger and more confident. i really think that's what i want to happen. i am saying this now is because i kept on saying that i really wanted to die now but it's not happening. so i'll think of something that will be more possible than dying now. if i am a good friend how come people don't mind my presence or absence. well i think it's because of their interests. o well, pathetic, i'm really pathetic. way too damn pathetic. if only somebody out there make me feel important, then i will highly appreciate that.
right now i have decided not to look at her and that FISH because it would just add up to my frustration and hatred. not healthy. i'll just irritate myself and that's pretty way too damn bad and pathetic and stuff. i still believe that things will be better. someday, somehow, we don't know when.
yesterday evening i received a message from the band genius and the letter came from Henry. i was so happy and glad that he replied and that itmade me feel so good. i thought it'll be ignored, the letter that i sent. well basically one thing i felt so bad was they don't want to add me on my friend's list and on their friend's list o well i told myself that someday perhaps they will add me up on their list. right now i'm down on my hands and knees and shout to the heavens on high that they will add me up on their friend's list, mwahahahahahahahahaha!!!
***ehem**** i also thought that if ever atchie asked me what i want (because she's in the states right now) i will ask for Genius CD. i really like their music and they're driving me crazy and nuts with their music and their style. mwahahahahahaha. I really hope that this band would infiltrate philippines, so that they're music will be available here for me to listen to.
basically, i've transferred to another station. i'm having problems with my log-in on the original station that i am using. isn't that cute. i kinda like it, because in my original station those dominant FISHES are very noisy and it affects my work. i decided to transfer and isolate myself on to the other station where no one's seated right next to me, from left, right, front and left front. you know what i mean? anyway, this is what i really like, alone, isolated, i have my own world, and stuff. it makes me feel alive and calm. no hassles, pressure and intimidation with people i really hate. going on i received her email and apologizing to people who took one more call when they decided to take their breaks. then she invited all of us to get drunk later if we're all available. well i'm not. i won't come because FISH and his dominions are there. i'm not pretentious. i'm not plastic. if i hate you, i hate all of my life.there's no way for me to give you trust anymore. sorry but that's me.
i've sent ron an email regarding his reply to what i have received from her (tl). well waiting for the reply and i think he's on a call, perhaps, i don't know, let me guess? just make sure that he will reply and that he won't be annoyed from what i have said. i don't know if he even cares. because sometimes everytime i read his messages, i feel like he's saying that in a way i can't explain that would make me feel bad. i don't know, i guess i don't make sense at all. i'm senselessi just received an email from her and it indicated the service orders we've created and mine does not have a red highlight, meaning it's perfect, but FISH's and other dominions have a problem with their service orders. mwahahahahahahaha! shit heads! so far i haven't received any email from ron and i'm wondering why it's taking so long. maybe he's already on break or lunch, i don't know, just don't tell me.
i just noticed that my journal is pretty way damn long and i really type all what i am experienceing or hsall i say, illiterating all the things that are happening. well that would be a history for me. the longest journal i have ever made. ok so i took my lunch after a 27 minute call. and waited for ron to take his lunch and i've waited for approximately 15 minutes and so i lost 15 minutes of my time. that's alright. we've talked about what i feel and the possibility of taking back what she had said when she coached me. owell what he said to me when i relay that possibility from my head, is that it'll be too bad. i've explained to him that the reason why i say those things, or i think about the possibility is for myself to be prepared. i'm not expecting for it to happen but somehow i will be prepared and ready. he said after saying that to me is that's right, correct and i feel better when he acknowledged that. i feel so something right now and i don't what that is. i don't really know what i should feel. it's like a mixed emotion. like a feeling of excitement coz i'm going to buy a computer table, i fell happy because i'm having a good time with ron and i feel so basd about her and that FISH and what they're doing too me. shucks! i hate it. it's kinda like somewhere in the middle of good and bad feelings. so way too darn worthless and senseless. **sigh**. o well just have to make things better now. i'm wondering when will i be contented and satisfied with my life. i just can't wait and i'm too impatient now.
here are the things that i really would like to happen and i will highly appreciate to happen:
1.get promoted as a TL
2.Work in Canada and live there for the rest of my life
3. Be independent, that's why i want to go to Canada
4. become wiser and and smarter
6.someone who would really treasure me, accept me and find me important in their lives.
7.if ever this will not happen, i want o die, somebody kill me please!!!!!!
Those are just few of the things i want to happen. is that too much to ask? i don't think so. hmmmmmm, what do you think?
o well see you on wednesday morning 6 am. and that would be an odd time for me because ron is from 9pm to 6 am, so sad and yet so bad. well, that's life in a call center. hopefully we would spent time together soon with ferdie. ciao.
posted by ly at 4:32 AM
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