breaking free

well today, i'm sleepy. first aid training just ended yesterday. i did not receive any awards and stuff, of course i'm not really a reliable first aider, in other words, unreliable person i may sound pathetic but that's what i really think of myself. a lot of things just happened yesterday morning. i arrived here at 5am and waited for my friends til 6am to somehow talk to them and stuff. well i did the first move with that person. i tapped that person and asked how that person is. well basically i even seated on that persons side to be able to talk to him and let that person know that i'm there waiting for that person to ask how things are going. i enede up rejected. that person kleeps saying that that person has a lot of things to be done so that person won't be able to talk to us about how things are working. i was hurt. i felt like they don't want to talk to me and stuff. so i stood up and went to the cr, locked myself in one of the cubicles and started to somehow cry and stuff. after a few minutes i went out and seated on my station and never approach them. i just waited for frdie to accompany him to go home, since my shift startrs at 8am, yestreday. i told him about it and i even told him that i have recovered. i really managed to recover from it. i told him that i am starting to forget that person. and so no more contacts and stuff. i deleted all the messages i got rom that person on my email and did the same thing with other people i really don't care. i will be smarter this time. i will be strong. just what pre told me on my email. i should focus more on with the goals in my career and life. i have realized that. so i shal;l do. ok i don't need to be snooty or even snobbish anymore in this company and that i need to interact with any kinds of people in this place. in this messed up place. to be able to grow and succeed. our tl is not around. she'll be back on sunday. i was wondering what would be the occasion once she came back.

o well i'm really freaking sick and tired of these things that are happening to me. so irritating and annoying. i need something to make me live my life. or i guess to die. just to end all these sufferings. well i just took my lunch and i took it upstairs at the 30th floor. i've missed that place because i'v espent my breaks there for 3 days because of the training. i like it there because it's quiet, hasslefree and i want to be alone. of course what i did was give situations to myself regarding some impossible stuff. i also did some reflections with myself. i also tried to release all these memories in my head. starting to free myself and break free from all the situations that just happened.

my bestfriend emailed me. she told me some noble advises regarding wha ti am feeling. she's also asking me to be absent for once and pick her up to hier office. so we can have coffee or two. well, i'm looking forward to it. but i don't know when will i be available. i don't even have enough money. i'm a pauper. for crying out loud. i'm waiting for my dismissal. i can't stand this place no more. i need to breathe. i need some sleep. you know what i'm also barely hanging on. if only i could find something again to make me feel alright. i really wanted to start a new life. change. that's what i need. a major make over. i am feeling a bit lazy right now. in fact i have composed another poem which i'll be posting later on. it's an excerpt from some songs which i can realte to but it's not verbatim. i just based it on those songs. my eyes are tired. i feel like i need some sleep. **sigh** too bad that our training lasted for 3 days. i missed it. i wanted to ask for more. hopefully there will be some uptrainngs for that. so somehow we'll be able to meet again and have fun. anyway, i found a lot of nice people. they're nice that i could just kill them, jkoke. seriously, they're nice. o well, life is ever so strange so full of change and trials.

o well, see you tomorrow.