Next Scene....Siret!

hi good morning, i'm currently taking an exam for our TAT certification here. i just hate it....not the first statement i've said, but the sceanrios that is going on. yesterday it was such a shitty day, now it's kinda like a good and exciting day for me. things and gestures and the way they approach you changed as what they did yesterday. i'm so freaking annoyed. i just hate this scenario, like yesterday i felt like they don't care and they are happy alone with their selves. now they are showing and letting you feel that they like to hang out with you and wait for you and change schedules just to be with you and stuff like that.... soooo frustrating and arrogant. i don't know why i describe it as arrogant, but it's really kind of arrogant for me. yeah, you're right fish, in the first place i'm not like this. i don't feel this shit stuff and now it's haunting me and it shows me that that's me. you know what i mean? now someone's waiting for me and i'm wondering if he'll do the same thing for me like yesterday. just left and shit. i hate it. i am alone to day and so please don't make me sad or feel bad, or else....i am sick to day, literally. i have colds and this mucus is stuck on my nose and goes down to my throat, phlegmn. garsh so hard to breathe. i can't even work accordingly and properly. i thought it's gone but it keeps producing and blocking my air flow and i'm having difficulty in breathing. i also managed to create a new poem regarding undoing things. i'm almost done and i wanted to finish it today. i just finished my exam and took my break and messaged someone asking where that someone is. well that person showed up and invited me to grab a smoke. we talked about the cellphone he had and stuff that i'm planning to purchase one. i even told that person about the 6681 phone and that person said that it is a lower version of the phone and stuff. i kept saying that it is not. i also told him about the specs of it but i was not certain about that specific specs of the phone and that person is asking me. i even told him that. and aslo told himt hat i will show him the specs and replied, so! what the fuck! now i ignored him and he left without saying goodbye. ok that's better that would be much nice. putangina! nainis ako sobra! sige go ahead with your own freaking life and i'll never ever think about things no more. shit! this is a stupid day. bad day again. this is the second time and i wish that person would just get out and never show up to me so i won't feel bad again. i can't seem to understand his ego. he's unpredictable. ah, now i understand, this is something, a game who has the greatest ego. shall i say, pride! ok i'll practice myself to have that but please don't make me regret things whatever consequences happeneds. i assure you that. putang ina mo ka, gago, punyeata, ashole bitch, fucker, suckker self centered selfish shit head. gusto ko nang burahin lahat ng contacts ko and stuff and start all oever again. tangina kung meron lang taong makakaimbento how to format human mind, i'll go for it. kahit maging alipin pa ako at least i don't have any idea what was my life before and the people who i've known. napaka inconsiderate nya. ako kasi pag kaibigan kita, lalo na treasured and valued kita, kung aalis ka o uwi ka na, say it to me face. that's all i'm asking. is tat too much to ask? i'll never ever be considerate no more. i'll learn how to live my life alone and by myself. sabi ko nga dati, kahit ano pa nga talaga, dapat prioritize ko si mommy. sya ang dapat kong maging kaibigan for the rest of my life, not only as a mother but as afriend. yung ang the best. ngayon i felt like i'm being rejected again. sige ok lang bahala na kayo i'll just try my best to make myself used with forgetting them. i thought this day was a good day and yet it ended so bad that this shit head left without saying goodbye. that's unacceptable. ok here i go once again i'm torn into pieces. aaaaaaaaarrrrrggggggghhh! bakit ganito ba ang nararamdaman ko. make it go away. he's gonna get his. sana nga talaga. putang ina! mamamatay ka rin. tang ina mo! you'll see. you'll see. sinusumpa ko talaga magkakaroon o mangyayari rin sayo na you're craving for my presence that you could not sleep, breathe and uneasy. matutunaw din yang pride mo. at mararamdaman mo rin ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. pag ako nakuha kong hindi ka na isipin at hindi ka na inspiration sa akin, goodbye na talaga! putangina mo! mapapalitan ka rin. gago! tapos pinaasa pa ako na magpapaswap sya ng schedule. ang puta! mamatay ka na lang para masaya, mwahahahahaha!

feeling ko ginagawa rin nya ang mga bagay na yun para lang paasahin ako at magkakasama na ulit kaming 3. well guess what sa ngayon i'm confident and i'm learning how to end all these. let me also tell you this shit head, originally you're not my dude, not my best buddy and my bro. so it's better for you to get out and leave my head. in your case, i believe you'll never be happy in your life. with your attitude of being selfish and egoistic, you're going down.... i may say that for now you enjoy your life in a different way, like being independent and doing what you like and stuff, able to buy yourself things and crap, but you'll never, ever be happy and satisfied with other people, your love life and even your own family. mwahahahaha! you may say that i'm bad and i'm evil and shit, but as what i have analyzed you'll never be a stronger person. ever. with all the thoughts in your mind. it's better to be alone or a loner, than having those kinds of pride, egos and selfishness, coz in me i don't have that attitude and i can deal with otheres easily. i'm much stronger than you! i may have family problems and i'm even a problem but i know what it is and what is right or wrong.

i just remember the things that you've said about change. yeah, it'll help us grow, pretty much. I do believe and that's why i'm going to change so i won't be stuck on your arrogant self centeredness and prideful attitude. i also remember that you hope i won't ever change and stuff, about being friendly to you and tuff, i guess not, but you are rest assured i won't ever mingle with those fisha dn his minions. i'm saying this now because you're such an inconsiderate shit head. i'm frustrated by your apathy in me.

here are the few things that i base my thinkings why that person does not care about my presence:
1. does not message me
2.does not even reply
3. ignores me
4. humiliates me in some way
5. does not ask how i am
6. promising to give me a copy of a disc but eventually not
7. does not ask for my phone number or even reply with the testis and stuff in friendster.

Here's a few things why i do care and really is craving for more with that person:
1. i do what i promise like, giving him a copy of the disc he wants and stuff
2. i always acompany him wherever that person go
3. i always message that person
4. i even call that person at home
5. i follow whatever things that person wanted to try and do
6. i collect things that that person gives me.
7. message that person regarding having a great time with the 3 of us
8. inform that person about importan things that person needs to know
9. even told that person that i'll be there for that person whatever happeneds

so in these statements indicated here, if ever i forget some i'll add up later, are pretty obvious that i do care about our friendship. they don't even consider that. they even ignore it. buti pa si ano, tinawagan ko sa cellphone di nya sinagot at tinawagan ako sa landline at kinausap pa ako. saan ka pa. si ferdie walang problema, he's a nice person and let you feel that you are important. sya parang gusto nya na sya lang ang pa-importante, na parang wala pa syang pakialam. ok fine, siguro nga talaga, wala akong kwentang kaibigan. so Peter Pascual, i guess you're right about what you have said, that i'm not a worth it friend..... ok i'll learn to accept it and i'll just try to reverty everything back into pieces, that i'm a loner and a man with no life. it's much better off that way. it'll cast over. someday, somehow, everything's going back where it used to be. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! for crying out loud.

well our tl messaged us regarding our team building and stuff. i don't know if ever i'll be able to come. i don't feel like going. i don't know. i really don't like to come because seagate and his minions are coming and i don't want to see their egoistic selves and dominating the whole ocassion. well, we'll see about that. also earlier to day when i met that person that person told me that tl wanted to come with us if ew'll have a videoke session. ok fine, i don't care, maybe if she'll come i'll not come. i don't know. i will definitely feel like a scalawag when that session comes. that person is like, smiling and proud and happy about it. i can see that, that person will become seagate too. that person will dominate againa dn stuff. because of his egocentric shit! now i'm beginning to feel that i can get over this frustration, lonesome and depression and even patheticness that i feel inside. i assure you that. mainly because i think that i have found a ne friend or shall i say a company to accompany me and make me feel good. i'm talking about jon. he's seem so nice and cool to talk with. i think oi'm not afraid anymore. if i passed through that even before. i guess i'll get over it now. yeah i think so, i believe so and i really have this confidence. i will still be there , if and only if that person needs me and needs an advise. more than that, naaaah, i guess not. i don't want to expect much about this crappy shit. somebody just messaged me, wait a minute..... o well just an advertisement. shickingly and thankfully. whenever i hear my phone ring, that person is the only person that goes in my mind. pathatic, huh? what a loser.....

by the way i just finished my UNDO poem that i just created. i'm posting it now on this blogger blog thing. YEBA! I need to be inspired so i can finish and make a good poem.As you can see, i'm just a simple person. i love to write, sing, listen to music and even compose music, i also love to take pictures of myself with special things on hand. to imply something on the photograph taken. they said that i'm an artistic person, but i'm not really that artistic. i just value things that i can do and what i have and how i treasure them for it has a sentimental value. i'm a sensitive person as i've mentioned. i guess people will not understand that, especially NORMAL people as what they say. how do you define NORMAL. well it confuses me. yeah, i think it is good to be not normal, at least you're unique and you're not hurting anyone. I also think that you won't say you're normal. it should be typical. normal and typiucal are both different. for it's definition it's the same but the implications and conotation are both different. because i believe nobody's normal except GOD. Do you believe in me? well we do have our own perception and perspectives about stuff like that. i am not saying that i'm smarter and wiser, in fact i'm not. i'm literally an embicille. idiot, stupid and stuff. i'm not being humble here, i' just being honest. these are the facts. i may not be the best person for you, either frined, lover, brother, and stuff, but i know i've never hurt anyone or even deceived and hoaxed anyone. i never humiliate anyone to demoralize and demotivate them. it's just that they are the ones who are demoralizing and demotivating me. o well i guess that's my purpose in life. you know i should accept things that are happening to me. i should not react like this. if i do know and i'm aware of my purpose being like this, then i should barely accept it and never ever ask why. i can be the best man or friend in your life. but i believe i won't be for people's opinions. who told them that they are? everyone including myself is so selfish and inconsiderate about certain things. is this the price i have waited for? my gooodness. ok then , i should take it. what did i do to desrve this? how many times should i mention this in my blog just to get over it?you see, i am the problem, i'm just making things worse. i'm just creating a problem for myself. i should not deal with this much but garsh it keeps haunting me. i really want to and need to share this frustrations depressions devastation and sorrow to someone so i can live my life without worrying much. the problem is i am talking and telling this sad stories to this stupid blog site and to a computer. no reply of course no opinion and advise and all the things here are coming from me. well, i guess i'm crazy. if only this will happen to me now. so ican be free from pain, sorrow, anger, patheticness, frustration, depression and devastation.

I will be like a bird. Fly high, fly free, and can see things, the whole thing downthat will be awesome and great. huh! wait and see when i become stronger and confient, you'll go down on me and you'll be after me. just for me to share, earlier i was thinking about somebody, a new found friend arrived in my life and made me feel special. then we were able to have an extraordinary fun and stuff that i got over those stupid people. then they are aware that i always go out with that nff. they see us and the scenario is i've forgotten about them and they've approached me to check how am i and why i'm not mingling with them no more... mwahahahaha! sana nga mangyari yun para masaya. isn't it great? hinahabol nila ako ngayon kasi ngayon nila na realize na da best pa la ako. mwahahahahahahaha. you evil crap! anyway, i'm going to read the book which ron gave me for my birthday present. so see you perhaps tomorrow.

by the way wala na akong pera, mwahahahaha! uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh!