crappy stuff
Hi there, Good Morning! well i arrived here at work around 4:30 am and I darnly, forgot my cellphone. that's ok and fine. anywya i've approached ron to give the disc that i've promised, he said that he has a lot of MP3 collections now. I ewven told him that i might give him as well a hdd with the whole collection of my mp3, how i wish. i really like to give music or songs to people who i treasure and value. i also make sure that all of those people are given an attention from me so they won't feel that i ignore them or something. well ron is still here and has not decided to go home yet. maybe momentarily he'll go ahead and leave to get some sleep. i really want to spend my time with both of them. i really enjoy it a lot. i'm even wondering that fish and his minions are pretty envious at us because of our company. by the way wee had formulated a new codename for fish, the first one was He who must not be named, then Voldemort then fish then baraccuda and now, seagate. mwahahahahahahaha! well i derived baraccuda from fish's last name, then ron changed it to seagate, because seagate has an hdd brand, baraccuda. so we had a few conversation here at my workstation and it is about the seagate stuff. it's kinda like we're referring to fish but in a subtle and indirect implications. then ron went ahead and went home.see you on monda, bro!
ok so here in the office i'm still happy because i got ferdie and we took our lunch together. we did have a great conversation about my birthday and certain stuff. ferdie is better, because i always feel that i am important to him. he always approaces me at my station and talk to me about certain stuff and all. i really appreciate the gesture and effort. hopefully both and three of us will be all together in one team with same shift and schedule. so at least we can still be together having fun and doing things that are exciting and will be craved for. treasure and make it nostalgic for all of us in the future. i hope that the three of us will be friends and be there forever until the time is through. i'm really searching for friends and a lifetime friend. for me it is more important than having a family of your own. i don't know, i'm sure you may think i'm stupid but that's what i feel. that's how i see it. eventually i'm still looking forward to meet her. i don't know who she is, but i'm still waiting for her.
today, i don't know what to feel. i'm pretty wasted, and now i don't know what i'm feeling. i don't know whether to be happy or sad or wha. i have this wearies and worries in life which i don't even have a clue.
February 6 and 5 2006
i was not able to finish my blog last saturday. i apologize for that. anyway, the three of us planned to go to ferdie's house just to eat manggoes. definitely re weren't able to eat mangoe because of some reason. that was actually my day off and i was able to tell my mom that my boss wanted me to go the office to discuss stuff. the truth behind that is because i wanted to go to ferdie's house with the three of us. ron texted me that night if we're good to go there. so we've messaged ferdie and he said that it's good. ron messaged me to meet him at alimall national bookstore. luckily, we weren't able to meet there for some reason. so i kept messaging ferdie about it. by the way, i was not able to message ron because he had his phone serviced to upgrade the os. anyway, i went ahead and went to the office and just waited for ron there. i was pretty pissed off, because i told myself while i was waitning for him in alimall, that he watched movie. yeah, i was right when he actually called around 3pm yesterday. he apologized and stuff but i was really pissed off and annoyed waiting there. Then me and ferdie suddenly decided to go downstairs to eat tukneneng and asked me to message ron to meet us downstairs. ok then and so wew've waited there and some of our teammates and batchmate came along and had a little chitchat about stuff. then ron arrived. so we went ahead and went to ferdie's house and we had a few conversation, ron, about lingering in the operations. he asked me if ever i was told not to stay in the ops area. i said to him, no and i don't care and if ever they would say that to me well keber. they're too envious because mainly, they don't have anyone to talk with and stuff. mwahahahahaha! anyway just let me live my life in the ops. don't be just like a kj.
anyway while we were in the tricycle, we talked about certain or the same old shitty crap concerns. we even talked about myself about my family and my status in the family. well he said it's ok and stuff, blah,blah,blah. we took 3 tricycle rides before we arrived to ferdie's place. then what we did there, we ate canton and the doughnuts which ron bought for us. i ate the long one with a chocolate feeling inside. when i was eating it i felt like i'm so clumsy because my fingers are filled with chocolate, my mouth and especially my teeth. so embarrassing.....so i managed to ask ferdie if i can use their rest room and there i spent about ten minutes cleaning my stupid, ugly and stubborn teeth. then ferdie let us listen with the music he used to listen with. i can relate with the songs he's listening with and i even managed to say or share information about the song and the artist, blah blah blah.... then annoyingly, ron is too impatient with his phone. the whole day we stayed there, he keeps on mingling and calling the tech support for his phone to fix it and stuff about the setting he likes with his pone. inside, i was pissed again it's like, what are you here for? just to play with the phone? so basically me and ferdie was just having this conversation regarding stuff under the sun. i can feel that he's kind of feeling OP and it's his fault anyway. he should not mingle much with his darn expensive egocentric, boastful phone. anyway we decided to go to the mall, sta lucia, spend our time there talking about stuff and stuff, and still this ron, guy is still meesing with his darn stupid phone. we went to Figarro first to have a drink. i did not order one for whatever reason. then talked about the books he's reading and i'm reading. i even managed to tell them especially ron, that when i was in alimall standing in front of the bookstore, i was thinking about something that i need to purchase when i was at home reading the book he gave me. i was mentally blocked when i was in that bookstore, can't think of the thing that i need to buy. then when we were in figaro, while i was looking a t the book he's reading, i saw soome lines and stuff he highlighted and there and then i just remembered that i need to buy a highlighter. ok so they both asked me if i need to buy a highlighter. i told them no i'll just buy next time. so after figaro we decided to have a videoke session. so we sang 10 songs and 3 songs each and for derdie it was 4. i sang, You OOughta Know, The Remedy and i forgtot the last one. darn it. what i really liked was the song you oughta know. because singing that song will make you scream out loud and that's what i like. i was able to freak out let it go kinda ego thing. i used to freak out at home with a pillow on my face so no one could barely hear me. i do that just to release my anger, pain, nostalgia and stuff, like patheticness and so i could sleep just to forget the stupid things i am feeling inside. haaaaay, too bad. anyway, i was just wondering if they know or even care about what i am feeling. i guess, NOT! i received an email from ron and it's about the birthday crap. i find some things there true. like if you're born in this month this is your attitude and crap. what struck me most is the part where it said "Loves making friendsbut rarely shows it". well for me my interpretation with that is i make friends with chosen people. i don't make friends with anyone so easily and i rearely show it to them if necessary and stuff that they are the ones that i should be treasuring and that i should value most. that's my first interpretation. the second one is that i look snobbish and snooty that no one would ever manage to approach me to make friends and stuff. i just realized that now. i don't care if that's their perceptoin and theory about me. as long as they try to approach me and that's freaking fine.
tight now, i'm about to kill myself. the feeling keeps coming back. i'm really pissed off. i don't want to experience the feeling that i felt when i was back in the previous company. that's pretty tiring and garsh it's breaking me down and falls me to pieces. i could not even sleep and i could not even think straight and enjoy my life. i got over it anyway but i'm afraid that i would have to experience that again. especially when one of them leave the company. it'll hurt me so bad and i won't be able to enjoy my life no more. people like them are just rare. it's there for once in a lifetime. i do believe that the reason why i met them is because god has a plana dn purpose in me. i don't know exactly what that is but i'm counting on it and i really wanted to know and discover waht that is. i hope that the friendship would last for a long period of time and that they won't just dissolve easily. actually what i'm thinking is, if that should ever happen, it's ok but before it happeneds, i would have to die first so i won't feel so sad, bad, mad, pathetic, nostalgic and stuff. it will really kill me inside if ever that scenario happeneds. it killed me before, in teletech and now, it will be worse. so now i'm down on my hands and knees shout on to the heaven on hig, please don't make it sad for me, don't make this a, so much for my happy ending. i'm an emotional person and sensitive and get easily hurt and i'm kind of sentimental and nostalgic about things that i treasure and value. if you could understand these things. i know it's not a usual feeling that a guy should have, but i don't find it unusual, not because i'm feeling it, but basically, i know it's not bad for a guy to be emotional, sentimetal and stuff. i'm so pissed off, when i'm messaging someone and does not reply. it's like a subconcious thing that they don't like you. what i really hate is that, i'm after somebodya nd that they're being inconsiderate to even affirm or whatever that term is, to your message and stuff. i manage to reply on their messages for whatever reason. i even apologize to those people for me not replying. but this person does not reply at all it's kinda like he does not care.i just hate it. i also hate myself for being like this. it's killing me. why can't you just kill me now. if only i could manage to not care, value or even consider people, then that would be nice at least i have my own life. if only i could ne somebody out there, that is so numb and slefish about their selves and they don't care much about people that surrounds them, then that would be nice, i would not have this blog crap and i would not be able to compose any poems, songs, novels and lyrics relating to my own darn freaking bull shit, bitch life. life's a bitch you know? my life's a bitch. i hate it when the people around you does not care abot what you are doing to them, good things, they don't even realize that i'm a kind of person who wants them around and that i wanted to be with them always. honestly i'm pretty much shy and concious about always being there for the person becuase they might think that i like that person or this person and stuff. i don't want to have controversies. it's like whne a man treasures or values something it's like the interpretation is that person is a diversion and stuff. too bad. i hate that thinking. i hate people who thinks like that.
my question is, is it too bad for a man to be emotional and nostalgic, sentimental for his friends. not just opposite sex but same sex? i think not. if you're being emotional and stuff to a friend that's good for me at least you treasure their companionship and stuff, or shall i say brotherhood. it's not being diverted or whatever you call it, but it's a gift from GOD which should be implemented for firnedship sake and stuff. i believe that LOVE has diferent dimensions. LOVE of a person differs from a family, friends, relatives, significant other and a who;le lot more. so i guess it's not bad to show love to all of these people. I believe that all the love that you have with these things are all the same, but differs and only differs on the level. what i'm trying to say is, if i'm being too affectionate or being too affectionate with my friends whatever orientation that is, it's not that i'm in love or what that i wanted to marry them or whatosever, yes that's applicable for me if it's a girl, other than that. sorry, that's not possible for me. d'ya know what i mean? i know you do..... mwahahahahahaha so please hopefully that these special people won't misinterpret things. i hope that they don't assume things as what they had said to me. ako kasi, pag natuwa ako sa isang tao, isang kaibigan, i'll always be there for you, i would even think what you are doing now and stuff. kasi i'm kind of weary and i feel so touchy and i feel sentimental about special people in my life na sobrang pinapahalagahan ko. grabe na ito man! i'm trying to type it in tagalog pero kahit ano pang mangyari na-e-english ko pa rin. kaya rin siguro ganito, naghahanap ako ng father and brother figure. sobrang yun ang kailngan ko. tapos bibigyan pa ng maling kahulugahan. garsh, what a loser. anyway, sabi ko nga i wanted to experience things that are extraordinarily, normal. hindi kung anu-ano lang, not to the extent in demoralizing myself and others and stuff. you know what i mean? moving on, i would like to have a successful and lifetime guarantee friendship. it's quite different when you have a family. for me life is complete if you have a perfect or not so perfect but at least a lifetime family, friends, and stuff. that's a complete and perfect life. sabi ko nga nung birthday ko, i can die now. i could not ask for more.
yeah by the way i wanted to post my birth month, chart here. just to share it. ron forwarded this to me on my email. just to somehow have a remembrance. JANUARY
1. Ambitious and serious
2. Loves to teach and be taught
3. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses
4. Likes to criticize
5. Hardworking and productive
6. Smart, neat and organised
7. Sensitive and has deep thoughts
8. Knows how to make others happy
9. Quiet unless excited or tensed
10. Rather reserved
11. Highly attentive
12. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
13. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
14. Loves children
15. Homely person
16. Loyal
17. Needs to improve social abilities
18. Easily jealous
FEBRUARY
1. Abstract thoughts
2. Loves reality and abstract
3. Intelligent and clever
4. Changing personality
5. Temperamental
6. Quiet, shy and humble
7. Low self esteem
8. Honest and loyal
9. Determined to reach goals
10. Loves freedom
11. Rebellious when restricted
12. Loves aggressiveness
13. Too sensitive and easily hurt
14. Showing anger easily
15. Dislike unnecessary things
16. Loves making friends but rarely shows it
17. Daring and stubborn
18. Ambitious
19. Realising dreams and hopes
20. Sharp
21. Loves entertainment and leisure
22. Romantic on the inside not outside
23. Supersticious and ludicrous
24. Spendthrift
25. Learns to show em otions
MARCH
1. Attractive personality
2. Affectionate
3. Shy and reserved
4. Secretive
5. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic
6. Loves peace and serenity
7. Sensitive to others
8. Loves to serve others
9. Not easily angered
10. Trustworthy
11. Appreciative and returns kindness
12. Observant and assess others
13. Revengeful
14. Loves to dream and fantasize
15. Loves travelling
16. Loves attention
17. Hasty decisions in choosing partners
18. Loves home decors
19. Musically talented
20. Loves special things
21. Moody
APRIL
1. Active and dynamic
2. Decisive and hasteful but tends to regret
3. Attractive and affectionate to oneself
4. Strong mentality
5. Loves attention
6. Diplomatic
7. Consoling
8. Friendly and solves people's problems
9. Brave and fearless
10. Adventurous
11. Loving and caring
12. Suave and generous
13. Emotional
14. Revengeful
15. Agressive
16. Hasty
17. Good memory
18. Moving
19. Motivate oneself and the others
20. Sickness usually of the head and chest
21. Easily get too jealous
MAY
1. Stubborn and hard-hearted
2. Strong-willed and highly motivated
3. Sharp thoughts
4. Easily angered
5. Attracts others and loves attention
6. Deep feelings
7. Beautiful physically and mentally
8. Firm standpoint
9. Easily influenced
10. Needs no motivation
11. Easily consoled
12. Systematic (left brain)
13. Loves to dream
14. Strong clairvoyance
15. Understanding
16. Sickness usually in the ear and neck
17. Good imagination
18. Good debating skills
19. Good physical
20. Weak breathing
21. Loves literature and the arts
22. Loves travelling
23. Dislike being at home
24. Restless
25. Hardworking
26. High spirited
27. Spendthrift
JUNE
1. Thinks far with vision
2. Easily influenced by kindness
3. Polite and soft-spoken
4. Having lots of ideas
5. Sensitive
6. Active mind
7. Hesitating
8. Tends to delay
9. Choosy and always wants the best
10. Temperamental
11. Funny and humorous
12. Loves to joke
13. Good debating skills
14. Talkative
15. Daydreamer
16. Friendly
17. Knows how to make friends
18. Abiding
19. Able to show character
20. Easily hurt
21. Prone to getting colds
22. Loves to dress up
23. Easily bored
24. Fussy
25. Seldom show emotions
26. Takes time to recover when hurt
27. Brand conscious
28. Executive
29. Stubborn
30. Those who loves me are enemies
31. Those who hates me are friends
JULY
1. Fun to be with
2. Secretive
3. Difficult to fathom and to be understood
4. Quiet unless excited or tensed
5. Takes pride in oneself
6. Has reputation
7. Easily consoled
8. Honest
9. Concern about people's feelings
10. Tactful
11. Friendly
12. Approachable
13. Very emotional
14. Tempramental and unpredictable
15. Moody and easily hurt
16. Witty and sarky
17. Sentimental
18. Not revengeful
19. Forgiving but never forgets
20. Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things
21. Guides others physically and mentally
22. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully
23. Caring and loving
24. Treats others equally
25. Strong sense of sympathy
26. Wary and sharp
27. Judge people through observations
28. Hardworking
29. No difficulties in studying
30. Loves to be alone!
31. Always broods about the past and the old friends
32. Likes to be quiet
33. Homely! person
34. Waits for friends
35. Never looks for friends
36. Not aggressive unless provoked
37. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems
38. Loves to be loved
39. Easily hurt but takes long to recover
40. Overly concerned
41. Puts in effort in work
AUGUST
1. Loves to joke
2. Attractive
3. Suave and caring
4. Brave and fearless
5. Firm and has leadership qualities
6. Knows how to console others
7. Too generous and egoistic
8. Taked high pride of oneself
9. Thirsty for praises
10. Extraodinary spirit
11. Easily angered
12. Angry when provoked
13. Easily jealous
14. Observant
15. Careful and cautious
16. Thinks quickly
17. Independent thoughts
18. Loves to lead and to be led
19. Loves to dream
20. Talented in the arts, music and defence
21. Sensitive but not petty
22. Poor resistance against illnesses
23. Learns to relax
24. Hasty and rushy
25. Romantic
26. Loving and caring
27. Loves to make friends
SEPTEMBER
1. Suave and compromising
2. Careful, cautious and organised
3. Likes to point out people's mistakes
4. Likes to criticize
5. Quiet but able to talk well
6. Calm and cool
7. Kind and sympathetic
8. Concerned and detailed
9. Trustworthy, loyal and honest
10. Does work well
11. Sensitive
12. Thinking
13. Good memory
14. Clever and knowledgeable
15. Loves to look for information
16. Must control oneself when criticising
17. Able to motivate oneself
18. Understanding
19. Secretive
20. Loves sports, leisure and travelling
21. Hardly shows emotions
22. Tends to bottle up feelings
23. Choosy especially in relationships
24. Loves wide things
25. Systematic
OCTOBER
1. Loves to chat
2. Loves those who loves him
3. Loves to takes things at the centre
4. Attractive and suave
5. Inner and physical beauty
6. Does not lie or pretend
7. Sympathetic
8. Treats friends importantly
9. Always making friends
10. Easily hurt but recovers easily
11. Bad tempered
12. Selfish
13. Seldom helps unless asked
14. Daydreamer
15. Very opinionated
16. Does not care of what others think
17. Emotional
18. Decisive
19. Strong clairvoyance
20. Loves to travel, the arts and literature
21. Soft-spoken, loving and caring
22. Romantic
23. Touchy and easily jealous
24. Concerned
25. Loves outdoors
26. Just and fair
27. Spendthrift and easily influenced
28. Easily lose confidence
NOVEMBER
1. Has a lot of ideas
2. Difficult to fathom
3. Thinks forward
4. Unique and brilliant
5. Extraodinary ideas
6. Sharp thinking
7. Fine and strong clairvoyance
8. Can become good doctors
9. Careful and cautious
10. Dynamic in personality
11. Secretive
12. Inquisitive
13. Knows how to dig secrets
14. Always thinking
15. Less talkative but amiable
16. Brave and generous
17. Patient
18. Stubborn and hard-hearted
19. If there is a will, there is a way
20. Determined
21. Never give up
22. Hardly become angry unless provoked
23. Loves to be alone
24. Thinks differently from others
25. Sharp-minded
26. Motivates oneself
27. Does not appreciates praises
28. High-spirited
29. Well-built and tough
30. Deep love and emotions
31. Romantic
32. U! ncertain in relationships
33. Homely
34. Hardworking
35. High abilities
36. Trustworhty
37. Honest and keeps secrets
38. Not ! able to control emotions
39. Unpredictable
DECEMBER
1. Loyal and generous
2. Patriotic
3. Active in games and interactions
4. Impatient and hasty
5. Ambitious
6. Influential in organisations
7. Fun to be with
8. Loves to socialise
9. Loves praises
10. Loves attention
11. Loves to be loved
12. Honest and trustworthy
13. Not pretending
14. Short tempered
15. Changing personality
16. Not egoistic
17. Takes high pride in oneself
18. Hates restrictions
19. Loves to joke
20. Good sense of humor
21. Logical
with this stuffs, it is true, i even managed too check ferdie's thing here. i asked for his birthday and it is June 2,. we checked it one by one about the personality or his personality and it is somehow true and some are definitely true. o well i would also describe myself as sensitive. sensitive in a way i take things. remember nostalgia? not only that but also sensitive is what best describe things. i'm sensitive in a way that when a certain thing just happened and it touched my feeling, that's sensitive. i'm being nostalgic. anyway, enough of the crap and i'll continue this probably tomorrow and hopefully good things and better things will happen. ciao romano.....
ok so here in the office i'm still happy because i got ferdie and we took our lunch together. we did have a great conversation about my birthday and certain stuff. ferdie is better, because i always feel that i am important to him. he always approaces me at my station and talk to me about certain stuff and all. i really appreciate the gesture and effort. hopefully both and three of us will be all together in one team with same shift and schedule. so at least we can still be together having fun and doing things that are exciting and will be craved for. treasure and make it nostalgic for all of us in the future. i hope that the three of us will be friends and be there forever until the time is through. i'm really searching for friends and a lifetime friend. for me it is more important than having a family of your own. i don't know, i'm sure you may think i'm stupid but that's what i feel. that's how i see it. eventually i'm still looking forward to meet her. i don't know who she is, but i'm still waiting for her.
today, i don't know what to feel. i'm pretty wasted, and now i don't know what i'm feeling. i don't know whether to be happy or sad or wha. i have this wearies and worries in life which i don't even have a clue.
February 6 and 5 2006
i was not able to finish my blog last saturday. i apologize for that. anyway, the three of us planned to go to ferdie's house just to eat manggoes. definitely re weren't able to eat mangoe because of some reason. that was actually my day off and i was able to tell my mom that my boss wanted me to go the office to discuss stuff. the truth behind that is because i wanted to go to ferdie's house with the three of us. ron texted me that night if we're good to go there. so we've messaged ferdie and he said that it's good. ron messaged me to meet him at alimall national bookstore. luckily, we weren't able to meet there for some reason. so i kept messaging ferdie about it. by the way, i was not able to message ron because he had his phone serviced to upgrade the os. anyway, i went ahead and went to the office and just waited for ron there. i was pretty pissed off, because i told myself while i was waitning for him in alimall, that he watched movie. yeah, i was right when he actually called around 3pm yesterday. he apologized and stuff but i was really pissed off and annoyed waiting there. Then me and ferdie suddenly decided to go downstairs to eat tukneneng and asked me to message ron to meet us downstairs. ok then and so wew've waited there and some of our teammates and batchmate came along and had a little chitchat about stuff. then ron arrived. so we went ahead and went to ferdie's house and we had a few conversation, ron, about lingering in the operations. he asked me if ever i was told not to stay in the ops area. i said to him, no and i don't care and if ever they would say that to me well keber. they're too envious because mainly, they don't have anyone to talk with and stuff. mwahahahahaha! anyway just let me live my life in the ops. don't be just like a kj.
anyway while we were in the tricycle, we talked about certain or the same old shitty crap concerns. we even talked about myself about my family and my status in the family. well he said it's ok and stuff, blah,blah,blah. we took 3 tricycle rides before we arrived to ferdie's place. then what we did there, we ate canton and the doughnuts which ron bought for us. i ate the long one with a chocolate feeling inside. when i was eating it i felt like i'm so clumsy because my fingers are filled with chocolate, my mouth and especially my teeth. so embarrassing.....so i managed to ask ferdie if i can use their rest room and there i spent about ten minutes cleaning my stupid, ugly and stubborn teeth. then ferdie let us listen with the music he used to listen with. i can relate with the songs he's listening with and i even managed to say or share information about the song and the artist, blah blah blah.... then annoyingly, ron is too impatient with his phone. the whole day we stayed there, he keeps on mingling and calling the tech support for his phone to fix it and stuff about the setting he likes with his pone. inside, i was pissed again it's like, what are you here for? just to play with the phone? so basically me and ferdie was just having this conversation regarding stuff under the sun. i can feel that he's kind of feeling OP and it's his fault anyway. he should not mingle much with his darn expensive egocentric, boastful phone. anyway we decided to go to the mall, sta lucia, spend our time there talking about stuff and stuff, and still this ron, guy is still meesing with his darn stupid phone. we went to Figarro first to have a drink. i did not order one for whatever reason. then talked about the books he's reading and i'm reading. i even managed to tell them especially ron, that when i was in alimall standing in front of the bookstore, i was thinking about something that i need to purchase when i was at home reading the book he gave me. i was mentally blocked when i was in that bookstore, can't think of the thing that i need to buy. then when we were in figaro, while i was looking a t the book he's reading, i saw soome lines and stuff he highlighted and there and then i just remembered that i need to buy a highlighter. ok so they both asked me if i need to buy a highlighter. i told them no i'll just buy next time. so after figaro we decided to have a videoke session. so we sang 10 songs and 3 songs each and for derdie it was 4. i sang, You OOughta Know, The Remedy and i forgtot the last one. darn it. what i really liked was the song you oughta know. because singing that song will make you scream out loud and that's what i like. i was able to freak out let it go kinda ego thing. i used to freak out at home with a pillow on my face so no one could barely hear me. i do that just to release my anger, pain, nostalgia and stuff, like patheticness and so i could sleep just to forget the stupid things i am feeling inside. haaaaay, too bad. anyway, i was just wondering if they know or even care about what i am feeling. i guess, NOT! i received an email from ron and it's about the birthday crap. i find some things there true. like if you're born in this month this is your attitude and crap. what struck me most is the part where it said "Loves making friendsbut rarely shows it". well for me my interpretation with that is i make friends with chosen people. i don't make friends with anyone so easily and i rearely show it to them if necessary and stuff that they are the ones that i should be treasuring and that i should value most. that's my first interpretation. the second one is that i look snobbish and snooty that no one would ever manage to approach me to make friends and stuff. i just realized that now. i don't care if that's their perceptoin and theory about me. as long as they try to approach me and that's freaking fine.
tight now, i'm about to kill myself. the feeling keeps coming back. i'm really pissed off. i don't want to experience the feeling that i felt when i was back in the previous company. that's pretty tiring and garsh it's breaking me down and falls me to pieces. i could not even sleep and i could not even think straight and enjoy my life. i got over it anyway but i'm afraid that i would have to experience that again. especially when one of them leave the company. it'll hurt me so bad and i won't be able to enjoy my life no more. people like them are just rare. it's there for once in a lifetime. i do believe that the reason why i met them is because god has a plana dn purpose in me. i don't know exactly what that is but i'm counting on it and i really wanted to know and discover waht that is. i hope that the friendship would last for a long period of time and that they won't just dissolve easily. actually what i'm thinking is, if that should ever happen, it's ok but before it happeneds, i would have to die first so i won't feel so sad, bad, mad, pathetic, nostalgic and stuff. it will really kill me inside if ever that scenario happeneds. it killed me before, in teletech and now, it will be worse. so now i'm down on my hands and knees shout on to the heaven on hig, please don't make it sad for me, don't make this a, so much for my happy ending. i'm an emotional person and sensitive and get easily hurt and i'm kind of sentimental and nostalgic about things that i treasure and value. if you could understand these things. i know it's not a usual feeling that a guy should have, but i don't find it unusual, not because i'm feeling it, but basically, i know it's not bad for a guy to be emotional, sentimetal and stuff. i'm so pissed off, when i'm messaging someone and does not reply. it's like a subconcious thing that they don't like you. what i really hate is that, i'm after somebodya nd that they're being inconsiderate to even affirm or whatever that term is, to your message and stuff. i manage to reply on their messages for whatever reason. i even apologize to those people for me not replying. but this person does not reply at all it's kinda like he does not care.i just hate it. i also hate myself for being like this. it's killing me. why can't you just kill me now. if only i could manage to not care, value or even consider people, then that would be nice at least i have my own life. if only i could ne somebody out there, that is so numb and slefish about their selves and they don't care much about people that surrounds them, then that would be nice, i would not have this blog crap and i would not be able to compose any poems, songs, novels and lyrics relating to my own darn freaking bull shit, bitch life. life's a bitch you know? my life's a bitch. i hate it when the people around you does not care abot what you are doing to them, good things, they don't even realize that i'm a kind of person who wants them around and that i wanted to be with them always. honestly i'm pretty much shy and concious about always being there for the person becuase they might think that i like that person or this person and stuff. i don't want to have controversies. it's like whne a man treasures or values something it's like the interpretation is that person is a diversion and stuff. too bad. i hate that thinking. i hate people who thinks like that.
my question is, is it too bad for a man to be emotional and nostalgic, sentimental for his friends. not just opposite sex but same sex? i think not. if you're being emotional and stuff to a friend that's good for me at least you treasure their companionship and stuff, or shall i say brotherhood. it's not being diverted or whatever you call it, but it's a gift from GOD which should be implemented for firnedship sake and stuff. i believe that LOVE has diferent dimensions. LOVE of a person differs from a family, friends, relatives, significant other and a who;le lot more. so i guess it's not bad to show love to all of these people. I believe that all the love that you have with these things are all the same, but differs and only differs on the level. what i'm trying to say is, if i'm being too affectionate or being too affectionate with my friends whatever orientation that is, it's not that i'm in love or what that i wanted to marry them or whatosever, yes that's applicable for me if it's a girl, other than that. sorry, that's not possible for me. d'ya know what i mean? i know you do..... mwahahahahahaha so please hopefully that these special people won't misinterpret things. i hope that they don't assume things as what they had said to me. ako kasi, pag natuwa ako sa isang tao, isang kaibigan, i'll always be there for you, i would even think what you are doing now and stuff. kasi i'm kind of weary and i feel so touchy and i feel sentimental about special people in my life na sobrang pinapahalagahan ko. grabe na ito man! i'm trying to type it in tagalog pero kahit ano pang mangyari na-e-english ko pa rin. kaya rin siguro ganito, naghahanap ako ng father and brother figure. sobrang yun ang kailngan ko. tapos bibigyan pa ng maling kahulugahan. garsh, what a loser. anyway, sabi ko nga i wanted to experience things that are extraordinarily, normal. hindi kung anu-ano lang, not to the extent in demoralizing myself and others and stuff. you know what i mean? moving on, i would like to have a successful and lifetime guarantee friendship. it's quite different when you have a family. for me life is complete if you have a perfect or not so perfect but at least a lifetime family, friends, and stuff. that's a complete and perfect life. sabi ko nga nung birthday ko, i can die now. i could not ask for more.
yeah by the way i wanted to post my birth month, chart here. just to share it. ron forwarded this to me on my email. just to somehow have a remembrance. JANUARY
1. Ambitious and serious
2. Loves to teach and be taught
3. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses
4. Likes to criticize
5. Hardworking and productive
6. Smart, neat and organised
7. Sensitive and has deep thoughts
8. Knows how to make others happy
9. Quiet unless excited or tensed
10. Rather reserved
11. Highly attentive
12. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds
13. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love
14. Loves children
15. Homely person
16. Loyal
17. Needs to improve social abilities
18. Easily jealous
FEBRUARY
1. Abstract thoughts
2. Loves reality and abstract
3. Intelligent and clever
4. Changing personality
5. Temperamental
6. Quiet, shy and humble
7. Low self esteem
8. Honest and loyal
9. Determined to reach goals
10. Loves freedom
11. Rebellious when restricted
12. Loves aggressiveness
13. Too sensitive and easily hurt
14. Showing anger easily
15. Dislike unnecessary things
16. Loves making friends but rarely shows it
17. Daring and stubborn
18. Ambitious
19. Realising dreams and hopes
20. Sharp
21. Loves entertainment and leisure
22. Romantic on the inside not outside
23. Supersticious and ludicrous
24. Spendthrift
25. Learns to show em otions
MARCH
1. Attractive personality
2. Affectionate
3. Shy and reserved
4. Secretive
5. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic
6. Loves peace and serenity
7. Sensitive to others
8. Loves to serve others
9. Not easily angered
10. Trustworthy
11. Appreciative and returns kindness
12. Observant and assess others
13. Revengeful
14. Loves to dream and fantasize
15. Loves travelling
16. Loves attention
17. Hasty decisions in choosing partners
18. Loves home decors
19. Musically talented
20. Loves special things
21. Moody
APRIL
1. Active and dynamic
2. Decisive and hasteful but tends to regret
3. Attractive and affectionate to oneself
4. Strong mentality
5. Loves attention
6. Diplomatic
7. Consoling
8. Friendly and solves people's problems
9. Brave and fearless
10. Adventurous
11. Loving and caring
12. Suave and generous
13. Emotional
14. Revengeful
15. Agressive
16. Hasty
17. Good memory
18. Moving
19. Motivate oneself and the others
20. Sickness usually of the head and chest
21. Easily get too jealous
MAY
1. Stubborn and hard-hearted
2. Strong-willed and highly motivated
3. Sharp thoughts
4. Easily angered
5. Attracts others and loves attention
6. Deep feelings
7. Beautiful physically and mentally
8. Firm standpoint
9. Easily influenced
10. Needs no motivation
11. Easily consoled
12. Systematic (left brain)
13. Loves to dream
14. Strong clairvoyance
15. Understanding
16. Sickness usually in the ear and neck
17. Good imagination
18. Good debating skills
19. Good physical
20. Weak breathing
21. Loves literature and the arts
22. Loves travelling
23. Dislike being at home
24. Restless
25. Hardworking
26. High spirited
27. Spendthrift
JUNE
1. Thinks far with vision
2. Easily influenced by kindness
3. Polite and soft-spoken
4. Having lots of ideas
5. Sensitive
6. Active mind
7. Hesitating
8. Tends to delay
9. Choosy and always wants the best
10. Temperamental
11. Funny and humorous
12. Loves to joke
13. Good debating skills
14. Talkative
15. Daydreamer
16. Friendly
17. Knows how to make friends
18. Abiding
19. Able to show character
20. Easily hurt
21. Prone to getting colds
22. Loves to dress up
23. Easily bored
24. Fussy
25. Seldom show emotions
26. Takes time to recover when hurt
27. Brand conscious
28. Executive
29. Stubborn
30. Those who loves me are enemies
31. Those who hates me are friends
JULY
1. Fun to be with
2. Secretive
3. Difficult to fathom and to be understood
4. Quiet unless excited or tensed
5. Takes pride in oneself
6. Has reputation
7. Easily consoled
8. Honest
9. Concern about people's feelings
10. Tactful
11. Friendly
12. Approachable
13. Very emotional
14. Tempramental and unpredictable
15. Moody and easily hurt
16. Witty and sarky
17. Sentimental
18. Not revengeful
19. Forgiving but never forgets
20. Dislike nonsensical and unnecessary things
21. Guides others physically and mentally
22. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully
23. Caring and loving
24. Treats others equally
25. Strong sense of sympathy
26. Wary and sharp
27. Judge people through observations
28. Hardworking
29. No difficulties in studying
30. Loves to be alone!
31. Always broods about the past and the old friends
32. Likes to be quiet
33. Homely! person
34. Waits for friends
35. Never looks for friends
36. Not aggressive unless provoked
37. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems
38. Loves to be loved
39. Easily hurt but takes long to recover
40. Overly concerned
41. Puts in effort in work
AUGUST
1. Loves to joke
2. Attractive
3. Suave and caring
4. Brave and fearless
5. Firm and has leadership qualities
6. Knows how to console others
7. Too generous and egoistic
8. Taked high pride of oneself
9. Thirsty for praises
10. Extraodinary spirit
11. Easily angered
12. Angry when provoked
13. Easily jealous
14. Observant
15. Careful and cautious
16. Thinks quickly
17. Independent thoughts
18. Loves to lead and to be led
19. Loves to dream
20. Talented in the arts, music and defence
21. Sensitive but not petty
22. Poor resistance against illnesses
23. Learns to relax
24. Hasty and rushy
25. Romantic
26. Loving and caring
27. Loves to make friends
SEPTEMBER
1. Suave and compromising
2. Careful, cautious and organised
3. Likes to point out people's mistakes
4. Likes to criticize
5. Quiet but able to talk well
6. Calm and cool
7. Kind and sympathetic
8. Concerned and detailed
9. Trustworthy, loyal and honest
10. Does work well
11. Sensitive
12. Thinking
13. Good memory
14. Clever and knowledgeable
15. Loves to look for information
16. Must control oneself when criticising
17. Able to motivate oneself
18. Understanding
19. Secretive
20. Loves sports, leisure and travelling
21. Hardly shows emotions
22. Tends to bottle up feelings
23. Choosy especially in relationships
24. Loves wide things
25. Systematic
OCTOBER
1. Loves to chat
2. Loves those who loves him
3. Loves to takes things at the centre
4. Attractive and suave
5. Inner and physical beauty
6. Does not lie or pretend
7. Sympathetic
8. Treats friends importantly
9. Always making friends
10. Easily hurt but recovers easily
11. Bad tempered
12. Selfish
13. Seldom helps unless asked
14. Daydreamer
15. Very opinionated
16. Does not care of what others think
17. Emotional
18. Decisive
19. Strong clairvoyance
20. Loves to travel, the arts and literature
21. Soft-spoken, loving and caring
22. Romantic
23. Touchy and easily jealous
24. Concerned
25. Loves outdoors
26. Just and fair
27. Spendthrift and easily influenced
28. Easily lose confidence
NOVEMBER
1. Has a lot of ideas
2. Difficult to fathom
3. Thinks forward
4. Unique and brilliant
5. Extraodinary ideas
6. Sharp thinking
7. Fine and strong clairvoyance
8. Can become good doctors
9. Careful and cautious
10. Dynamic in personality
11. Secretive
12. Inquisitive
13. Knows how to dig secrets
14. Always thinking
15. Less talkative but amiable
16. Brave and generous
17. Patient
18. Stubborn and hard-hearted
19. If there is a will, there is a way
20. Determined
21. Never give up
22. Hardly become angry unless provoked
23. Loves to be alone
24. Thinks differently from others
25. Sharp-minded
26. Motivates oneself
27. Does not appreciates praises
28. High-spirited
29. Well-built and tough
30. Deep love and emotions
31. Romantic
32. U! ncertain in relationships
33. Homely
34. Hardworking
35. High abilities
36. Trustworhty
37. Honest and keeps secrets
38. Not ! able to control emotions
39. Unpredictable
DECEMBER
1. Loyal and generous
2. Patriotic
3. Active in games and interactions
4. Impatient and hasty
5. Ambitious
6. Influential in organisations
7. Fun to be with
8. Loves to socialise
9. Loves praises
10. Loves attention
11. Loves to be loved
12. Honest and trustworthy
13. Not pretending
14. Short tempered
15. Changing personality
16. Not egoistic
17. Takes high pride in oneself
18. Hates restrictions
19. Loves to joke
20. Good sense of humor
21. Logical
with this stuffs, it is true, i even managed too check ferdie's thing here. i asked for his birthday and it is June 2,. we checked it one by one about the personality or his personality and it is somehow true and some are definitely true. o well i would also describe myself as sensitive. sensitive in a way i take things. remember nostalgia? not only that but also sensitive is what best describe things. i'm sensitive in a way that when a certain thing just happened and it touched my feeling, that's sensitive. i'm being nostalgic. anyway, enough of the crap and i'll continue this probably tomorrow and hopefully good things and better things will happen. ciao romano.....
posted by ly at 2:25 PM
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