trying to find a happy medium.......
hi there. well i just arrived at work , at 5:03am and that was the time i was logging my name in the log sheet. then a sudden voice said, "Hey, Stranger!". At first i did not mind, coz i did not recognize the voice, and i thought it wasn't intended to me. then suddenly i looked at that person, shockingly it was that person. ok fine. i thought he does not have any work for today. well i guess he has and he has to stay. he invited me to grab a smoke and so i took a cup of chocolate and headed to the smoking room. there we had a chit chat about what ferdie had, yesterday, about his situation at home. just a foretaste about the scenario, he shouted at their neighbors dog because it was so noisy and he couldn't get enough sleep, and there, the neighbor got upset and stuff.....to cut it short a conflict within their street. so i was realying that to that person. i also told that person about a friend i invited for my birthday, last night. basically when i came home, i gave the money to my mom. she was upset because the money i gave him is only 7K. that's too much right? then she is upset because the money i gave her was not enougha dn insufficient. when i heard that, oi got upset too, i told myself, before when i was working at cl and tt, i earn 7K and i only give her 6K or 5K. then she'll get upset now. that i gave her 7K, that's too much, don't you think? she also said that i was asking her to cook a lot of food on my birthday. for crying out loud then just cook simple food on my birhtday. then she's complaining why did i invite my friends....i hate her for that. every year when my birhtday comes i always celebrate it with my own darn self and with them then sleep. one thing i really wanted to say to her, but i couldn't, is now i am smarter and i need to have 20% from my income. i need to grow for crying out loud. i don't want to end like nothing, just like what she had become. she even told me that i'll be the only companion she had or she'll have until she grows old. so you mean, i'll be like this forever? that's a big no, no for screaming out loud. i won't allow that. that's insane. she should be considerate.
i really would like to live my life, alone and independently. i want to manage my own life and explore the difficulties in life. so that i will become stronger and smarter for all the trials. i don't want to live my life thinking that i have my family to lean on and do things with their own decisions for my life. it's bad, very bad, and pathetic. i hope they understand that.
Basically, that person approached me at my station and invited me to grab a smoke and so i was in a call. he told me to wake him up, when i take my break. i went to the lounge and wake him up and so we went to the smoking room. that person said that he was in a dream, almost. ok sorry, i said. but that was alright. ok so we did not talk much in the room and he is so quiet and stuff and has this badtrip face. i keppt asking him who's he going to wait in the other company, he said his girlfriend. so i asked if it's a girlfriend, girlfriend, or girlfriend, friend girl, do you know what i mean? well that person said that it's his friend which is a girl. ok fine. they will go home together as they go the same way home. she lives farther from where he lives. ok so that's good. anyway, anyhooooo. i'm pissed off again. i don't know what to expect and what to think. i'm confused again. i don't know why. maybe it's because it's gloomy outside.
i'm so darn pissed off about this day. it's because i still have the hang ovber with what had happened to me and my mom yesterday regarding my birthday. i really hate it. garsh, so darn sad, and i'm mad and it felt so bad. when can i have the opportunity to be happy, like i don't worry things much as i do nowadays. i can't take this anymore and i'm starting to get torn and break and fall into pieces. i hope that would happen to me litereally. i can't think straight. could it be any harder? it's so strange that things aren't going my way. i'm not expecting and bragging about something in my life. eventually i'm just trying to live normal as much as possible but something is stopping me. i don't know who, what or even why. i can't think of anything nice. if only legends, myths are true. i wanted to meet an entity that can remove your heart's spirit. to take away all your feelings like, fear, hate, love, worries, torments, burdens and stuff. i wonder what's the feeling of feeling nothing. is it gonna be ok. i think it's going to be fine and it's kinda like you're focusing more on nothing. anyway i'm nothing so i deserve that. mwahahahahahah! my god, this is so frustrating. i was hoping for something good enough, but i know not all stars arrange themselves accordingly to what you wanted to happen, i understand that. i just need to find my self. my own, freaking, darn self. why can't i be so perfect? i mean, why can't i be someone which is craved for and treasure. not only inte family but also with your friends and all. i feel so not enough, empty and insufficient. i even hate myself for hating my nephew. i felt so bad about it. i feel so ego centric and unfair with that. i hate myself for that. i hope that iwould find the change that would really change the whole thing. my relationships with my family, friends and of course the special one, if ever there'll be one.
i just don't understand why people are so numb with certain things. i admit that i'm also numb. in some instances. why can't they just be good and comfy to be with. it seems like whenever i meet people, they're boastful, they brag and they do things inappropriately. this is so wrong. i can't stand the pain that i'm feeling now. make it go away, please! i wanted to be like them so that i will be just fine. i hate to go home bbecause i was not able to do the things i wanted to do. i can't seem to concentrate or focus on the things that i want and i'm doing. i'm so sick and tired and restless. i felt someting different when i received an email from cy. he really is acknowledging my leadership now. that's so good and if it 's a good intention or trying to mock me. i don't know. now there are a few people who i have full trust. it depends on the person i'm talking with. o well good luck with that.
i don't know what we'll do now, or how this agent development program will begin. well she just approached me regarding that and tomorrow will be start. ok i'm pretty scared and nervous. i think i'm gonna have a nervous breakdfown. hoipefully things are going to be just freaking fine. tomorrow also she will let me listen to a call for the agent i am handling. hopefully it'll be a reasonable ratings that i will have and that it will not too far from her ratings. it's a sad thing if it is. anyhoo....later will be another day another struggle another crappy thoughts and points of view. shuckers! soooooooo pathetic. i really wanted to know about the progress report and stuff. i wanna know how i can do it and stuff so when i pass it to her, it'll be presentable and not just a crappy stuff which will be flushed on the toilet. this is a long freaking day. i don't know if i should be excited or happy. it's a kind of mixed emotions. i don't know but i feel like nothing today. o well i gotta know what to feel or else i'll be like a zombie.
basically now i'm pretty happy because i was given a chance to be the floor walker just in a knick of time. that's good enough rather than never. i was able to notify people who are in acw and stuff. i was able to help others with their call exceeding 15 mins. cool man. and after my colleagues finished with his call of course i have to give back the responsibility to him. what a bumber. later on, i will gather the call trackers and stuff of my agents that i handle. i need to submit that to tl, my garsh! i am also happy because i was able to take my lunch together with my friend, ferdie. he was able to share me all the things that had happened to him last few days. we were able to strengthen our friendship more deeper. i just realized that ferdie was actually the originally person who i've been mingling with and that i first met. we were both spending our training, back then, together. before that person came. o well cool man, cool. o well 7 minutes and counting til i log in again. i hope that tomorrow i will again be given a chance to do the floor walk. looking forward for it.
ok tomorrow will be my birthday. it's ferdie's and ron's off. i was wondering how the hell will we able to meet to go to our house. well that's their problem, actually our problem. hopefully everythings gonna be alright and fine. i hope when i come home, nothing much will happen badly and no ados.
I just checked my fortune and readings for today. I found a line which also describes something that i am feeling. here goes, right about now, you're dealing with a highly emotional situation and trying to find a happy medium. well basically this is the other things that i wanted to say about what i'm feeling, i'm dealing with highly emotional situation and trying to find a happymedium. so what is that medium. i don't even have the freaking idea. that's why i'm finding it. it's like if you're finding something of course you know what to find, but what is the specific medium, that's the question. o well, gotta find it anyway.
right about now, i'm trying to upload some of my pictures to my friendster account. just to add up more pictures and make it somehow collective. whatever. still waiting for a call.....
I just decided to upload some pictures in friendster, ok i just realized that i said that already. moving on, trying hard to find a happy medium, still. by the way an IT guy approached me and asked me if i have a call. i was pretty nervous when he said log off first in the network. garsh, i was trying to upload pictures in friendster and i was so scared and paranoid that they had detected using my pc that i am uploading pictures and browsing non related sites. shuckers! but in the ned it was just that they fixed my computer for me to use theoriginal website for the tools i'm using. ***sigh*** relieved! for crying out loud, don't scare me like that. you're giving me heart attack. thankfully everythings fine now. yipeeeeee.
guess what, i have noticed ewarlier, that, that person is really trying to immitate my beard and mustache thing. that person is also growing those things. i have noticed it. but one thing is that pperson's beard and mustache grows so slow. i don't know. but what'll i do is to shave it and see if he'll shave it tooo. mwahahahahaha! so anong feeling ko nyan inspired sya akin or something like that? wag kang feeling ly, masama yan..... hindi naman sa ganun, kung baga there are things that i notice about certain stuff, i'm just sharing it with you just to, you know, say it and share it. is it bad enough? o well ii'm just being peculiar about things here and what's going on. whatever.
anyway, i'm seeing familiar faces here at work. this guy was working at CL before. and before i moved here, i met him also in TT. now I met him again here. ok are you following me or something? i'm not really sure but where is the other friend of yours. actually this guy that i'm pertaining to, has a friend and they both together anywhere they go. both of them are well built. they have a well or shall i say big muscles. .I was wondering now where is his companion? Shockingly they're both apart. i don't know what happened. anyhoo, it's not my problem and it's none of my business
anyway i'll try to continue this tomorrow. by the way, i had a call lasted for about 42 minutes. i felt good about it. i was able to free my mind. see you.
i really would like to live my life, alone and independently. i want to manage my own life and explore the difficulties in life. so that i will become stronger and smarter for all the trials. i don't want to live my life thinking that i have my family to lean on and do things with their own decisions for my life. it's bad, very bad, and pathetic. i hope they understand that.
Basically, that person approached me at my station and invited me to grab a smoke and so i was in a call. he told me to wake him up, when i take my break. i went to the lounge and wake him up and so we went to the smoking room. that person said that he was in a dream, almost. ok sorry, i said. but that was alright. ok so we did not talk much in the room and he is so quiet and stuff and has this badtrip face. i keppt asking him who's he going to wait in the other company, he said his girlfriend. so i asked if it's a girlfriend, girlfriend, or girlfriend, friend girl, do you know what i mean? well that person said that it's his friend which is a girl. ok fine. they will go home together as they go the same way home. she lives farther from where he lives. ok so that's good. anyway, anyhooooo. i'm pissed off again. i don't know what to expect and what to think. i'm confused again. i don't know why. maybe it's because it's gloomy outside.
i'm so darn pissed off about this day. it's because i still have the hang ovber with what had happened to me and my mom yesterday regarding my birthday. i really hate it. garsh, so darn sad, and i'm mad and it felt so bad. when can i have the opportunity to be happy, like i don't worry things much as i do nowadays. i can't take this anymore and i'm starting to get torn and break and fall into pieces. i hope that would happen to me litereally. i can't think straight. could it be any harder? it's so strange that things aren't going my way. i'm not expecting and bragging about something in my life. eventually i'm just trying to live normal as much as possible but something is stopping me. i don't know who, what or even why. i can't think of anything nice. if only legends, myths are true. i wanted to meet an entity that can remove your heart's spirit. to take away all your feelings like, fear, hate, love, worries, torments, burdens and stuff. i wonder what's the feeling of feeling nothing. is it gonna be ok. i think it's going to be fine and it's kinda like you're focusing more on nothing. anyway i'm nothing so i deserve that. mwahahahahahah! my god, this is so frustrating. i was hoping for something good enough, but i know not all stars arrange themselves accordingly to what you wanted to happen, i understand that. i just need to find my self. my own, freaking, darn self. why can't i be so perfect? i mean, why can't i be someone which is craved for and treasure. not only inte family but also with your friends and all. i feel so not enough, empty and insufficient. i even hate myself for hating my nephew. i felt so bad about it. i feel so ego centric and unfair with that. i hate myself for that. i hope that iwould find the change that would really change the whole thing. my relationships with my family, friends and of course the special one, if ever there'll be one.
i just don't understand why people are so numb with certain things. i admit that i'm also numb. in some instances. why can't they just be good and comfy to be with. it seems like whenever i meet people, they're boastful, they brag and they do things inappropriately. this is so wrong. i can't stand the pain that i'm feeling now. make it go away, please! i wanted to be like them so that i will be just fine. i hate to go home bbecause i was not able to do the things i wanted to do. i can't seem to concentrate or focus on the things that i want and i'm doing. i'm so sick and tired and restless. i felt someting different when i received an email from cy. he really is acknowledging my leadership now. that's so good and if it 's a good intention or trying to mock me. i don't know. now there are a few people who i have full trust. it depends on the person i'm talking with. o well good luck with that.
i don't know what we'll do now, or how this agent development program will begin. well she just approached me regarding that and tomorrow will be start. ok i'm pretty scared and nervous. i think i'm gonna have a nervous breakdfown. hoipefully things are going to be just freaking fine. tomorrow also she will let me listen to a call for the agent i am handling. hopefully it'll be a reasonable ratings that i will have and that it will not too far from her ratings. it's a sad thing if it is. anyhoo....later will be another day another struggle another crappy thoughts and points of view. shuckers! soooooooo pathetic. i really wanted to know about the progress report and stuff. i wanna know how i can do it and stuff so when i pass it to her, it'll be presentable and not just a crappy stuff which will be flushed on the toilet. this is a long freaking day. i don't know if i should be excited or happy. it's a kind of mixed emotions. i don't know but i feel like nothing today. o well i gotta know what to feel or else i'll be like a zombie.
basically now i'm pretty happy because i was given a chance to be the floor walker just in a knick of time. that's good enough rather than never. i was able to notify people who are in acw and stuff. i was able to help others with their call exceeding 15 mins. cool man. and after my colleagues finished with his call of course i have to give back the responsibility to him. what a bumber. later on, i will gather the call trackers and stuff of my agents that i handle. i need to submit that to tl, my garsh! i am also happy because i was able to take my lunch together with my friend, ferdie. he was able to share me all the things that had happened to him last few days. we were able to strengthen our friendship more deeper. i just realized that ferdie was actually the originally person who i've been mingling with and that i first met. we were both spending our training, back then, together. before that person came. o well cool man, cool. o well 7 minutes and counting til i log in again. i hope that tomorrow i will again be given a chance to do the floor walk. looking forward for it.
ok tomorrow will be my birthday. it's ferdie's and ron's off. i was wondering how the hell will we able to meet to go to our house. well that's their problem, actually our problem. hopefully everythings gonna be alright and fine. i hope when i come home, nothing much will happen badly and no ados.
I just checked my fortune and readings for today. I found a line which also describes something that i am feeling. here goes, right about now, you're dealing with a highly emotional situation and trying to find a happy medium. well basically this is the other things that i wanted to say about what i'm feeling, i'm dealing with highly emotional situation and trying to find a happymedium. so what is that medium. i don't even have the freaking idea. that's why i'm finding it. it's like if you're finding something of course you know what to find, but what is the specific medium, that's the question. o well, gotta find it anyway.
right about now, i'm trying to upload some of my pictures to my friendster account. just to add up more pictures and make it somehow collective. whatever. still waiting for a call.....
I just decided to upload some pictures in friendster, ok i just realized that i said that already. moving on, trying hard to find a happy medium, still. by the way an IT guy approached me and asked me if i have a call. i was pretty nervous when he said log off first in the network. garsh, i was trying to upload pictures in friendster and i was so scared and paranoid that they had detected using my pc that i am uploading pictures and browsing non related sites. shuckers! but in the ned it was just that they fixed my computer for me to use theoriginal website for the tools i'm using. ***sigh*** relieved! for crying out loud, don't scare me like that. you're giving me heart attack. thankfully everythings fine now. yipeeeeee.
guess what, i have noticed ewarlier, that, that person is really trying to immitate my beard and mustache thing. that person is also growing those things. i have noticed it. but one thing is that pperson's beard and mustache grows so slow. i don't know. but what'll i do is to shave it and see if he'll shave it tooo. mwahahahahaha! so anong feeling ko nyan inspired sya akin or something like that? wag kang feeling ly, masama yan..... hindi naman sa ganun, kung baga there are things that i notice about certain stuff, i'm just sharing it with you just to, you know, say it and share it. is it bad enough? o well ii'm just being peculiar about things here and what's going on. whatever.
anyway, i'm seeing familiar faces here at work. this guy was working at CL before. and before i moved here, i met him also in TT. now I met him again here. ok are you following me or something? i'm not really sure but where is the other friend of yours. actually this guy that i'm pertaining to, has a friend and they both together anywhere they go. both of them are well built. they have a well or shall i say big muscles. .I was wondering now where is his companion? Shockingly they're both apart. i don't know what happened. anyhoo, it's not my problem and it's none of my business
anyway i'll try to continue this tomorrow. by the way, i had a call lasted for about 42 minutes. i felt good about it. i was able to free my mind. see you.
posted by ly at 2:09 PM
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