pure karma

o ano tahimik ka ngayon noh? well that's life. shit happeneds all the time to assholes like you! LOL buti nga sayo. well i'm so happy that you're sad, mad so bad. because you're so inconsiderate. you don't even find what my work ethics are good for the team. i don't even drag the team down, i'm not even late at all to go to work. i play fair, although some people here are telling me some bogus tactics to be number one. do you get what i mean? although what they're telling me is kinda good, still i don't do it because i don't find it challenging. it only comes uot that you're incompetence. well that's what superiors do, power trip!. if i were a supervisor i won't do that i would consider that as an excuse just don't do it again. . that's how simple it is. the matter with him is he's forcing what he think it is. he don't listen and understand people. as long as he knows you're like this. you're like that as what he thinks. stupid bastard. sometimes i don't even understand why ladies would love to love people with that kind of attitude. even the way he talks with his wife. it's so degrading and humiliating that if i were his wife i would contest about that. i'll tell him that he must not talk to me in that manner. o well that's just the way it is. that's his attitude so why bother. it's his problem and karma is just a step away. it just depends on the time when the karma steps on to him. i just wanna see him go down, down, down.....

well eventually, i'm just a simple person. i don't want extravagant things to happen unless i've painstakingly work hard enough for that because i want it. and it would give nice things or good things for me. well you know what i found myself ok for the moment. especially when i'm thinking about my termination. i regret that i'll miss one person again here in my team. before i never mind about him. but now it seems we make things better. like he understands me and i understand him. we both like having fun each time we're just gonna stare at each other. he seems nice and very accomodating. i thought i'll never find one again. unless i don't really care about others here. sometimes because i based it on the way they look like. well screw me. i really hope that everythings ok. someday...........................

guess what this bastard CESAR is looking at me while he was ltalking with his master bithc BERNARD. well i gave him a finger as if he's cool and as if everybody loves him. well compared to me people love me here in the office not close to me but once they met me they find me nice and when we pass by they greet me. unlike him. people would greet him, yeah, but with a bad feedback inside thgem. LOL get a grip monkey ass. i'm not insecured

one thing i've also noticed. whenever i ask permission to have a short break with the bastard. he don't seem to respond puntually. so who cares. well i think he's guilty about what he did to me. that what had happened to him is the rage what he did to me. well to tell you honestly, that's life, bastyard. shit really happeneds LOL.

well i took my lunch later than the team. well i don't wanna join him for the reason i don't want to be faketo them like talking to them and stuff. you know what i'm referring to. o well who cares. then we had a meeting regarding correct profiling. so i was very nervous and scared to be humiliated. but it's just the way how to profile outbound calls not dsn usage. o well that was a relief. so while on the meeting they've shown a list of people. so i thought on the list was me. i thought it was dsn usage or it's a bad thing to be on the list. but i did not find my name there so i tohought it was a good thing and i was not on the list. finally they've mentioned that the ppeople on the list was the people who uses incorrect profiling. whew! what a relief. so i guess it's a good point for me. although i had an issue with dsn usage. i'm still doing good on something. ok tha's fun. at least he would consider that i'm still working fine in this company not just playing. well screw him anyways. theproblem why the team does not make good no more is because they're doing it by the book. they want it in details. the reason the team is going down consistently. before we were number one because we're not doing it by the book.

just to save their asses, they'll make their own rules. actually what they're talking bout the IRs for people not meeting the expectation for the ,etrics, that's bullshit. they're just the one making those rules. what i think is that they're making their own rules just for them to be noticed by the stupid spawns that they're great or something. well they're not. they're still exerting much but they never succeed. you know someday, they'll realize how stupid they are. o well things are better left unsaid. as long as life goes on, life goes on, nothing more nothing less.

ok what do i want to do.... ok i want to have a lot of things to d. i want to party, drink all day, watch movies in a big screen, i want to buy a computer and play games on it, i want to know how to program anything using java and a lot of programming languages, i want to have fun with friends, crushes, and myself who cares about myself. well those are the few things i wanna do. so will i have a gut to do all this. well times will come. sooner the better, whatever!

i'm feeling solemn today. well it's because i don't know what'll happen. it's kinda like it'smixed emotions. mixed emotions in a way people would not even understand except yourself. yourself and nobody else, but god. well if only i could talk to him right now, i would ask him to forgive me, repent for all the things that i've done wrong, if ever he would give a chance for me to take me up there with him. i would ask that. well yeah, i'm still young and haven't experienced a lot of things yet, responsibil.lities and the like. yeah i know that i haven't felt any problems yet like what seniors had been experiencing seriously. well i think god has a lot of explanations for all the questions in my mind. who knows, nobody had experienced talking with god yet in the world yet except for people who just passed away i think. if only i had answers with what i want as in now. well maybe i would be content. i would not have time writing or typing these pathetic little experiences and thoughts that i had. i don't know it's because i wanna do something just to let out all the bad feelings and stupid thaoughts tat i had. yeah, it's really pathetic, damn. XD.

i want to travel somewhere. to find myself. i wanna live alone. like i'm not thinking of anybody but just my freaking self. so i could find myself. i could eventually look for myself how depth myself is. well everybody does that in their own way, but me, i don't know, i'm so i don't know. i wanna find a friend who would understand me, that would be there always for me, and not only that but also to be with that friend the same as what he is to me. what i'm thinking now are the people who i might here in the office. those were martin and darel. they seem to have a friendship that will never be apart. they both stayed together in a single unit just themselves and they both agrees on each others point of views and if they have problems and stuff. i find them a special people to me that i think god is showing me that i can be like that if only i search for somebody that would understand me and that would have mutual understandingas a friend not more than that, alrigjht.

o well so much thoughs, these are the thoughts that i have been thinking of. right now i'm listening to a song by mel c. the tile is if that were me. well i like that music and the lyrics. it's soothing, gives a little bit about me, and also about some advises. it's touching and it makes me relax, especially it makes my mind relaxed, somehow.

last time, lat thursday, i went to mitch to tell her about something, but it's kinda like it's not interesting for her. well in a sense that she changes topics and she's not making it serious. i'm not looking for a sympathy, just to share it and probably she would react on it somehow. o well i've been getting a grip but i did not grip it much longer enough. so i just went home, did not wait for her until their shift is over. ok so i said bye bye. she was worried that she's sorry if it looks like she does not want to listen. o well i'll never talk to her anymore. as long as i can get a grip on not talking to her about what had happened to me. o well just good luck on her and with larry. they seem to be ok and to fit. ok god bless on them both.

i've decided not to trust anybody but god himself and my mother and parents. so i can be healthier in mind and in feelings for anything that done me wrong. well it's 1:47 pm almost the end of my shift. i'll go straight home to relax. o well that's life. see you around.

KARMA

yeah whatever you say bastard bitch! as if you think everybody is amazed with your darn experiences. duh!??!!! go to hell asshole. i'm irritated, mad, pissed and frustrated for them. if only i could kill them now as in now. then i'll be satisfied. but oof course i can't do that. well then just you know drop dead ego maniac shit head. what if someday dell account was pulled out. it was demolished because they did not excell for the succeeding years. well sometimes i think that when i'm gone in this company. the company fails and falls down. so that all of them won't have a job. i'm pissed the reason why i'm thinking about ths. just for them to feel the KARMA and stuff. especally this sup and his monkey ass and pet all i wanted is to work to earn money for my family. not just for the sake earning money. well i guess this bastard shit just needs something to clear his mind. if only i had a lot of friends in the world that could salvage him to be alarmed on what he's gonna do. if only this is possible for me i would do that to him. i will really scare him always. in that case he'll mess up with someone his own size. if only i would meet somebody like that and that would help me to scare this bastard then it'll be good. mwahahahahahahahaha! well earlier his monkey ass pet was complaining about somebody from a different campaign in the company. why he's been accepted or hired as a sup in dell. then he's trying to scream "so unfair". i said while he was saying that was maybe because he deserves it. then he changed the topic. what a slap in the face. belat!!!!...... don't expect that you would get a promotion as a coach because remeber you have a record that your team mates before boycott you because of your laziness that he does not take escalations even not checking the dispatches made by the techs. because he's so lazy.. if i were him i won't expect for that promotion. i would just transfer to another company for possibilities. well that's life shit head!

well awhile ago i'm browsing for some overseas jobs. related to the field of my work which is computer. all ican find are jobs like programming, as if i'm good at it. then i found computer technician. then it requires 5 years experience. my god that's bullshit. i hate experiences. it sucks. it really suck. i want a work, a stable job that would make me grow and earn money for my family. i'm really so pathetic. i really hope that i'm dead now. so i won't have problems, humiliations and crap shits like these things. very uneasy for me. i don't have any guts to show to people that i'm successful. i don't know because maybe i'm lazy enough to handle situations like this. how am i gonna raise my own family if i'm like this. geees so pathetic. if there's anthing that i could change then maybe this won't happen. just what i thought i'm gonna loose this freaking job and it would make me so damn worry. i don't know how will i tell mom that i'm terminated soon. i would really wish that god would really give me signs about no wirries for my life right on this very moment. please i'm begging you. i did not mean to be awful with my work. just wanted to stay here as much as i can. i don't wanna leave the company for an awful way. i can accept that i will loose a job because the company is bankrupt or it's not mty fault. i'm very humiliating and pain in the ass.

well a lot of things has been done. no turning back. unless they take it back. no further actions for me to do. actions should be done by them. it's a sad situation. in fact i'm mad and i regret it. but why should i regret if i did not know it's not right. yeah put the blame in me. that's all what they can do. well you can be popular but your concience won't leave you alone. i promise you that. if ever you realize thingsd. well there's no turning back. what's said is done and what's done is done. you've already put so much pain, agony, and hatred in me. you'll pay for this. i'm telling it to you whole heartedly. you're gonna get yours, someday, somehow. you'll never make things better the next time around. don't give me you crap but you will make your own shit. i never thought it could lead this way. there's a chance that you could forgive me, but you're doing it for the sake of your metrics or saving your oown ass away from the bad metrics. well screw you and you'll never get a way with this. as i've noticed you really have an attitude. i don't believe in others that you're moody or something. it's in your blood. the way you talk with your wife is not acceptable. you pretty much humiliates your wife in front of others. as what i've noticed one day during our work. well i can predict things especially with ones attitude. you dfon't even consider things. loosing a job, you know how hard it is. i will accept it if it's my fault. yes it's my fault but i did not intend to make the metrics down. i like it working here. there are certain things that i regret. swapping my schedule with others. i should have been with the night shift. the sup there is my friend and much closer to me. well i have a strong feeling that if ever she knew what i did. she would consider it and giving me one more chance. well him. he don't care about the status of the person's life, as long as you could save your freaking darn, damn, ego maniac ass. you do what you have to do. SCREW YOU BERNARD NAVARRO. dop dead. you'll never succeed. you will fall ion the ground. more than six feet under. i'm telling you that.this.

don't you know how much i was mentalkly disturbed when you told me about this?. you will see. this feelings will come over you or one of your siblings someday. you'll have your KARMA. you ego maniac bastard darn shit crap, ugly bitch!!!! you're dead!

i only write this things because of so much rage and sorrow that i'm feeling right now. you don't know what i feel. you can never have an antedote for this. but you will have your own KARMA 10X.

guess what? KARMA is so, so, so fast man. now he has he's own problem. it's in court. regarding their house. mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! i'm so happy. nakarma ka rin gago! o ano ka ngayon. yan ang sinasabi ko. hayaan nyo sya matt wag ka nang maawa dyan sa mokong na ego maniac shit nayan. huh! ang bilis-bilis sobra ng karma mo. ano ka ngayon. this is real man. this things that i'm typing is real time on what's happening to this ass hole. shut up ka na. KARAMA mo na yan. ang bilis-bilis ng pangyayari. mwahahahahahah!. ewan ko ba kung ano ang nasa utak nya ngayon. siguro iniisip nyan ngayon regarding my termination or something na karma nya. mwahahahahahahahaha........ buti nga sayo. wala ka kasing considerasyon. akala mo naman ikaw napaka galing moong nilalang. hindi porket sup ka ikaw na ang masusunod lagi o ang mundo umiikot na sayo. asshole! well karma is like a cosmic credit card. . well what can i say is he's a muck. mwahahahahahahaha. i'm so happy that he got his now. so fast. well eventually hoping he would realize that. maiipit sya sa situation nya about the house. huh! i'll give this, bitch (olo). well life is like a box of chocolate. you never know what you're gonna get. he actually wanted to continue investing on it. ok to have more problems and also to have a chaotic life. that's his life so i dont care, mama care, ucare, even the care bears don't care. even if they do, i don't care.

KISS ASS! Bern

ok i started work today. by the way i woke up 3:30 am today to get to work. for the first time. well i did not find it hassle. but it made me worried because i use to arrive here at work around 4 am and i arrived 4:30 am. well that's a good sign i said. i really think and i have a strong feeling that i will be terminated. i used to remember what my mom said. i was too early to get to work. she also told me if i get a prize for that. so now i can say yes. why? if you ask. well i'll be terminated. that's the prize. LOL. but another issue made my world shake. i went to a certain website to check my mails. it has a horoscope each day. it talks about recovery on what i've been through for the past few days,, which is true. i've leraned to accept things that will happen to me. but as it goes on, it refers to a loved ones. it's kinda like a fight between me and a girl. you can add misunderstanding. i just put it on another level or made it much deeper not literally. so i just symbolized loved ones as my work, i guess. well what i think with that horoscope is, i guess i'll be still here, hopefully. not final but hopefully i'm not gonna lose my job.

well when actually upon arriving at work i found myself happy,, in a good mnood, kinda like nothing to worry about. it's good. i'm just setting aside things that could destroy me. i'm just thinking about the brighter side of the situation.. well actually yesterday my colleague was caught playing by that bastard asshole sup. he catch the attention of that person, in a very nice way. compared to me when he caught me he was like mataray. almost scolding me for that. well to tell the truth this seatmate has a very low metrics than me. but i was the one that was caught the attention. well to tell you it's because he can underestimate me, and he's scared with my colleague here or my seat mate because my seatmate is a person that would say and talk about things that he thinks that is not right. he would and he will complaint, argue if he thinks it's irrelevant or something's not right. actually this guy already kicked somebody else's butt for doing something not right. the reason also why he was demoted it's because people don't want to give him the opportunity for that attitude that suoperiors will be humiliated with what they're doing wrong and illegal. o well life's really unfair. nothing seem to change. it's a not so different day. if there's something that would show up to me to answer all the questions unanswered. maybe i would understand and i would accept thway things had happened. o well i'm just an ordinary person who i really think is very industious, hard working, has an integrity with a lot of things. which i think people don't see it. well i think it only shows on my physical attribute. they thought that i'm just working for money, but i'm working because i also like it.

well last night my sisters had a fight. it's just with misunderstandings and stuff. then while it was on going i talked to my mom regarding application with companies on other countries. well i mentioned to mom that i'll transfer in a different call center. i told her at alabang. she did not agreed with that because it's too far from home. well i told her that it's good to work there and it has a high pay. well she disagreed with that.

well i've noticed that coaches here have a meeting. regarding a new checklist again.. he looks bored and huggarrd. he's just gonna haveto listen to the discussion. my point is they are not doing anything. they're just sitting and browsing on the internet and yet he's complainiting aboutthat meeting. and with his monkey shit also complaints regarding what the sup's meeting was. the monkey has a job 5 miutes before the shift. as if he has a lot of work. well screw him.

well i've been talking with some colleagues here. they seem to give me hope and really give full support and encouragement. i really appreciate that. good for me. i thought everybody hated me. well i can never say that since they're just building hopes and encouragement for me. i never wanted to become something worthless. but still my problem is that i don't look outside to find something or find my solace and remedy. whatever may be there is what i'll accept as long as it'll prove something right. well actually i'm losing my mind because i don't know what's the status of my termination. i don't want to be comfortable with their encouragements and stuff. i really wish that things are ok. actually everynight i donm't dream anymore about loosing a teeth. so i really guess it means loosing my job in an awful way. gosh that's very bad. well i really hope everything will be compromised somehow. please lang po. guess what we're gonna take inbound calls. haaaay so sad, makes me mad.

part 2

haaaaaaaaaaaaay paranoia. whatt th efuck is it? i just seen them talking with each other while i was listening to my musics. i can't hear them so i took my phones from my ear so i could hear them somehow. well it regards on something else....whoooh. what a relief. well let's just see what will happen to me. ok so i'll be terminated? actually i've already accepted that. it's just that i'm scared of being confronted and judged on the action that i did. to cut it short, scared of the reaction.

the judgement has arrived. 2/22/2005 6:09am listening to a song IT's OVER NOW by neve. well what can i say about it. well nothing more. goodbye call center. good bye world. yeah it's really over now. :

one thing i've noticed the gatek is not giving any endorsement. mwahahahaha sooooo funny. nothing, it's just that the situation that i had is so funny. that i'm ready to get naked outside. dya know what i mean? well that's life. especially if you're or you'll be terminated. o well life is a sad thing. life's a bitch. mwahahahahahaha!

well i've been texting 2 people that is close to me. both ladies. they really help me out with my problem. i appreciate that and it comforts me. but there's nothing they can do about my termination....wahhhhh!. it's hard for me because things like this are immediate. for example they've decided to terminate me. it will be immediately on the day that i'm present..
i've been left 6 feet under ground. feel so very much shit pathetic. well i've already said good bye to all the things here in the office and also the places that i've been. all i wanted was a miracle. well nothing i can do about it.

sad

WELL THIS DAY WAS A PRETTY NERVE BREAKING DAY. WELL KEPT THINKING ABOUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN O ME. YEAH I'M PREPARED FOR IT, BUT NOT SURE HOW PREPARED I AM. SO EVERBODY KNOWS ABOUT MY SITUATION WELL BECAUSE I TOLD THEM ABOUT THAT.PRETTY COOL HUH!!WELL I WAS LISTENING TO MY SONGS EARLIER USING A MUCH DEFINED HEADPHONES THN WHAT I WAS SUING BEFORE. WELL MY CD PLAYER PLAYED THE SONG BACK TO GOOD. IT WAS REALLY COOL. THE SOUND WAS INTENSE. SO I MUCH REALLY FEEL THE SONG. I CAN RELATE SOMEHOW ON THE FIRST LINE OF THE SONG, ""IT'S NOTHING, IT'S SO NORMAL".... SO IT GAVEME THE ENCOURAGEMENT SOMEHOW ALTHOUGH I MIGHT BE OR I WILL BE TERMINATED. O WELL TERMINATION, TERMINATION AND TERMINATION. NEVER ENDING TERMINATION STUFF. YEAH I'M SO PATHETIC THAT NOBODY CARES. WHO CARES AND WHO WOULD FREAKING SAVE ME MAN. I'M JUST AN ORDINARY PRICK SHIT SCALAWAG. .

you know what i'm iritated also is that this stupid colleague is still playing games and they keep on communicating so loud about the game. as if the stupid power tripping brat sup don't care. well you know why? if you will ask. i think he's scared. he's just picking on me because he thinks that he can underestimate me. o well screw them. why don't he tell that colleague to avoid playing and stuff why is it just me. for that i really hope them for more success in life. now i'm not talking with them. especially that thick faced colleague of mine. well just to prohibit getting envious and also i have a doubt that he also talks about me. well now a days, we don't really know who to trust. who to talk to/with. well i guess i'm justa lonely prick. for the rest of my freaking amn boring life. hell yeah!.

IT'S REALLY, REALLY, DAMN UNFAIR. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ANY LONGER. I REALLY HOPE THAT I AM DEAD RIGHT NOW OR IF YOU WANT LATER, I WILL DIE. THAT WOULD BE A WONDERFUL EXPERIENCVE. AT LEAST NO MORE PROBLEMS, PRIORITIES, DEPRESSION, DISCOURAGEMENT, EMBARRASSMENT AND EVERYTHING.

WELL SO FAR, ALL I CAN THINK OF ARE JUST NON SENSE STUFF. JUST TO GET AWAY FROM THE PAIN, REJECTION, APATHY AND UNEASINESS IN LIFE, ESPECIALLY ON WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME. JUST LISTENING TO A MUSIC BY EDWIN MCCAIN AND THE TILE IS COULD NOT ASK FOR MORE. IT'S GOOD TO LISTEN WITH. IT SOOTHS MY FEELING. IT MAKES ME RELAXED AND OF COURSE PATHETIC.. WELL NOBODY CARES ABOUT WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW, LOOK NOBODY'S TALKING TO ME, NOR JUST TO COMFORT ME OR JUST TO MAKE ME FORGET ABOUT IT.WELL TO CUT IT SHORT EVERYBODY HERE HATES ME, ABHORS ME, DISLIKES ME, BECAUSE THEY DON'T REALLY CARE. I'M A BAD PERSON, WHICH I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY WOULD SAY THAT. I DID NOT EVEN DO ANYTHING BAD TO THEM. I ONLY HELP THEM WITH WHAT I CAN HELP THEM WITH. THERE'S NO APPRECIATION WITH THAT. I'LL JUST MAKE MY OWN LIFE. I WON'T MAKE FRIENDS NO MORE. JUST MYSELF AND OTHERS THAT WOULD AP[PRECIATE ME, SOMEHOW, AS IN SOMEHOW.

WELL EARLIER A COLLEAGUE INVITED ME TO HAVE A SMOKE. I TOLD HIM THAT I ALREADY TAKEN ALL MY SHORT BREAKS. HE SUGGESTED TO LEAVE USING RESEARCH. OK SO I AGREED. THANKFULLY OUR BRAT SUP IS NOT AROUND. OK SO WE DID NOT REALLY HAVE ANY COMMUNICATION. BUT HE JUST ASKED ME ABOUT IT OK SO I TOLD IT TO HIM. WELL OF COURSE THERE'S NOTHING HE COULD DO ABOUT THAT. O WELL IN THIS LIFE IT'S ME, IT'S ME THAT SHOULD BE NEGLECTED AND ALWAYS BE. WELL AS YOU CAN SEE ALL OF THEM ARE HAVING THAIR OWN FUN, HAPPINESS AND LAUGHTER. SOME PEOPLE HERE ARE JUST PLAYING. SOME ARE TALKING ABOUT THE CELLPHONE AND THEY'RE USING IT WITH THE COMPUTER. WELL ME, HERE ALONE SITTING WITH 2 HEADPHONES. ONE IS FOR THE PHONE AND ONE IS FOR THE CD PLAYER

WE HAD A MEETING. REGARDING AN XPR FAILURES AND STUFF well i was very, very shocked. i thought he would open up about what i did. well good luck and been expecting it but i don't wanna be humiliated. well i guess this company is getting down and down, that it'll close permanently in manila. well i'm tired of thinking what i should type. just see ypou tom.

TERMINATOR 4

well after work i went home straight. i can't even think straight. i'm bothered very much that i can't l sleep but just ashamed and tired of myself. arriving home was very bothering. i did not even bothered telling anyone in the house what had happened. well i don't want them to worry so much that they too will be bothered. of course not only that but also i don't wanna be ashamed to them. i can't even sleep last night because i was thinking about what will happen tomorrow or i mean today. several people i've tallked to gave me strength and hope. hoping it'll be good. ok i've told some people here what had happened. ok my seat mate told me things encouraging and he gave me hope about it. i'm really not ready to be terminated or to leave work because i love it here although the pay is not enough at least it's good and i'm enjoying it. it's kinda like so much for my happy ending. so now i'm regreting things. i thought it's cool but i'm getting down below. so much to think about. i hope i'm not super dooper hyper dead.

well i took my short break at around 9 30 am. i asked permission to my sup. then after a few minutes he also came out of the building to smoke with me. so i was pretty nervous and shaky. so we had a conversation regarding his house that will be build. then the topic jumped to my journal id dsn usage shit. ok so i told what i have been monologuing yesterday at home. and somehow it did not changed anything from his decision. the bottom line is still he'll take an investigation on it and he would really report it. he's reason is dell might caught us. i've realized the account here might be abolished because of what i did. but still hoping things will be ok. if the decision is just an IR. that's ok at least i can still have my job. this is more convinient for me.. i really do promise if i am forgiven, i will prohibit games, downloading and stuff. of course still gonna do that but not everyday. i don't want to have something not nice for my job. i really would want to resign now? and apply at techneon so i could just get away from this stupid company. as i get along with this company it really shows it's incompetence and inconsistency for the employeses. especially people who would power trip on ordinary employees just for their own success, pleasure and recognition. o well i guess i wanted to be better all these years of working here. but it turned out bad. still hoping for the chance that i won't be terminated. hopefully not.

super dead!

another freaking day i have today. well i left the house with a kind of a good day. i did not have any problems in my mind aside from yesterdays problem. well that was alright. now this freaking day i thought i was ok. well first our sup was checking something. it was the techs who had rdr. so i got one. he questioned me why did not i dispatch the right part. well in reviewing the records i already an it showsthat i've ran the diags already and it passed. so this freaking sup was embarrassed because he's condemning me that i did not do proper troubleshooting. i was about to accept my fault or mistake but in reviewing it it's not my freaking fault. although i admit that i did not ask for proper approval that's it. he also questioned my dsn usage. i told him that i use dsn which i only pasted the journal id. so two points for me. well what i'm saying is i'm getting pissed and tired with this freaking team. i really hope he's dead. well i'm doing my job. iknow you know. i'm not just playing around. i'm only playing if i already reached my quota. my complaint here is that why am i the only one who's been caught all the time. obviouslkly others are also playing . i really hated things like that i'm also get caught knowing others are also playing. they're so unfair. sometimes i just think to melt down these things. i don't know if i should be moving on and make things better as it was.


i'm so tired of hanging around with this team. i always think that i'm just using people around here. how i wish i could get around with them. anyways it's me, always me. who cares about me but no oe. if only i could do something for myself. to change everything in me. i'm trying but it seems so hard.

i don't know what should i be happy about. i'm not reallycomfortable everyday. i don't know what's the cause of this. before when i was still studying, yeah i feel this way but not too much. if only there's something that i could do for a change really. i want afriend, a friend that i could count on easily and also a friend that i can come to easily. i am so tired. damn fed up and insane about things going on. i wanted to be happy for the rest of my life. well i guess in the end i will be it just needs an amount of time to reach that goal, and i'm still waiting.

i really wish for something new, exciting and good for me. i wanted to have not too perfect but somehow perfect living. i always tend to be depressed after knowing something exciting or grabbing something esciting but after it, back the old routine.

a minute ago i was watching somebody playing the game i used to play also and so i was asking him about the items that he could get for my character if it's possible for him to give it to me. well he gives excuses and stuff like i can't use it and it's very low tech on our vocabulary. but thie other fellow here asks for something to gibe given to him. with just a snap he's going to get it for him. so what i'm saying is i'm jealous. like he'll do anything for that person. any favor will be granted but if i ask a favor it's kind of not stable. ok i'll never ask favors again i'll just wait for them to give it to me. well i'm mad because of that. well what i can say is bye, bye, bye, bye bye! it only shows that i'm not worth it and i'm not their ideal friend but i'm their ideal fiend., mwahahaha. i'm so sympathetic. well that's me. tha's why people hated me. theey ignore me, they abhor me, they don't like me, they don't care about me. and so be it. i can live on my own anyways. as long as i have my family with me that's enough i guess. yeah you can say i'm sympathetic because it's true. mwahahahaha!

guess what i was confronted by our sup and he said what was i'm doing. i told him the website and yet he's condemning me i'm not doing my job and stuff like i'm only playing. i answer back that i'm not playing. i also said heard enough. he did not talk back but he's gonna get his. i really hope. i'm not doing something wrong. guess what d'ya see this senior guy that was selected as an l2 of the team. you're dead. super dead!!!! i'm telling you! it's so damn unfair, i'm really, really mad like like it's so very unfair like i'm the only one seen here doing nothing. others are just viewing, downloading pornos and playing games, as far as i know he knows.
putang ina talaga wala ba akong ginagawa talaga. as in wala ba? putang ina nanginginig ako sa galit. hindi ko talga ma take. naku mamatay ka na punyeta kang sup ka may araw ka rin. napatagalog nakao dito sa blog ko.. oo napahiya talaga ako dun. sobra-sobra. nakikinig na nga lang ako ng napakalakas na song just to relax a bit. putang ina mo ka bern. makarma ka sana talaga ng sobra-sobra. ayaw kong idamay ang pamilya mo pero makakarma ka talaga. sana talaga wala na syang mukhang maipakita sa boss nya sa susunod. mwahahaha. masama na sa masama pero nakakainsulto na sya magsalita. ginagawa ko naman ang job ko. everyone here just blames me. my god i'm super duper pissed off. itong ceasar na ito. oras mo lang ngayon pero sinasabi ko sayo magtatake calls ka rin putang in mo ka. magulang ka nga talaga. puta ka! ngayon naisip ko na wag nang magbukas ng kahit anong programs at websites except for ie nad tools na ginagamit dito. putang ina talaga putang ina.am i being punished or something. kanina pa ako di mapakali talaga. sabi ko na nga ba. nagstart lang naman yun dahil sa endorsement or voicemail ko na binigay ni puta ceasar na nakalimutan kong tawagan .

i'm being punished really kasi naman noh now i'm not talking at all. as in mouth is shut. not telling anybody what i feel.i've decided not to eat at the pantry. i'll eat at 11th floor so i'll be alone or what so ever shit. i'm avoiding shits na. i've remeber before i was not talking to anybody in the freaking team. ok fine. i'll do that again. yeah i think that would be helpful for me. before i kept thinking about being a manager but this shit happeneds. i'm bingo. god can't help myself. i mean by god it's an expression. ok i've learned something from myself. ok fine whatever.

ok i'm gonna take my lunch in 8 minutes. so i'm gonna talk to myself again and reflecting on stuff shits. putang ina talaga as in puta. leche punyeta, ulol gago.

well while i was having my lunch there were several things happened to me badly. well a motorcycle passed through me so fast that could hit me almost. a person went to me so aggressively just to get my smoke to lit his cigar. damn. i'm so damn embarrassed so much this day. naiisip ko na nga kung ano ba ang ginawa ko ng sobra-sobra na sobrang sama. at kung ano ba ang malas sa aking katawan at puro kamalasan ang inaabot ko. oo nga paranoid ako. sobrang paranoid puta hit.

well i guess this would be my last day here at work. i'll be terminated because of my logs which i thought was right. meaning i've only used one journal id on different cases. well i just need to pray to god for me to stay here in this job longer.

o please lord help me.

ENVIOUS

ok so today i was kind of pissed off because of sister. i did not know that she haswork today. so i was about to leave the house when suddenly mom noticed my sister is still sleeping, that's about 3 am. so my sister was kind of in a hurry and was saying things about me, that i'm selfish, inconsiderate and stuff. then she said to me that i should have asked her if she's going to work. so i was steaming with anger, controlling myself to disrespect her. why? if you ask. well she's blaming me for that. o well so i just went on and thought of anything else just to make my day ok a bit. what the fuck!

so the day went by. 2 hours has passed by. cool! here at work after smoking a seat mate arrived talking with somebody while playing mu so i'm kinda envoius and tried playing the game too. then our sup arrived. so i exited immediately to avoid getting caught. then grabbed several tags just to start working. then they had several conversations that i just listened. then my seatmate has a problem with his tool. he can't use it. so our gatekeeper is not yet here. so he grabbed the pc of our gatekeeper for him touse. ok then he arrived. then this person asked him if he could help him pull out tags and check it on a certain tool. well he said sure no problem. as if they're kind of dealing with each other nicely friendly and they kinda look like wow! you know what i mean? i was kind of envoius and depressed and lonely and pissed for that issue. i felt like i'm really ignored? i don't know if i deserve to be like this. they're talking about things that they both are interested and in short they're in good shape really. i'm damn too envoius.

man, what the fuck should i do and should i care? yteah the answer is yeah. damn me. if only i could find somebody good, nice, interested to make friends with me and to me. that would understand me. that won't underestimate me and stuff. o well, if we're gonna talkabout destiny. that is. i don't know. i kept asking myself, what's wrong with me. what should have i changed. what should i be? what the fuck is wrong with me? i can't be like this forever. i really hope that someday i could find somebody that would always be there for me. as in friends, bestfriends, dude, buddy and stuff that they could call it.

best wishes. i don't know what the fuck i need to do and what should i think. sometimes i kept thinking why others are happy, eventhough they had problems.

well i won't end this conversastion for the reason that it's not yet half of what happened to me today. ... to be continued later......

well guess what! i got a call, the customer was dissatisfied asking where i'm calling from. so i told him that i'm from asia. and he kept giving me his bad experience with it and he wanted a call from his own country because oif his bad experience.. so i told myself, is it karma? it's really fast. fast, fast very fast, yeah no complaints, i deserve it. i'm pissed again because i'm stupid, envious, prick, shit, fucker, loser and everything not nice. hey let me get some air. if i could just breathe and release all anger, hatred and depressions. i want to think something else that would make me happy and content. how will i achieve these things. i blame my mind. i use to think of these stupid stuff. i also blame myself of being paranoid. one thing that completely kills me. i'm just listening to my songs just to avoid enviousness and stuff.
hey who cares about me? no one will and nobody does. i'm just a dot that is so dead. worthless and senseless.

if only i could see the signs and gestures for my success physically, mentally and emotionally. i can't breathe. i can't. i'm so dead tired. fed up and endlessly tired.if only i've got the guts to gwet things better for me. then i guess life will be much better not bitter.

one thing i've hated earlier is when i asked my colleague to play my character in a certain game. what he answered was let see later. as in duh! does it mean no. if you don't want to play with it then say it. i'm just a simple person. if you want it, cool, if you dont then it's still cool. i don't mess around much with what people wants because i understand that. just don't let me or leave me hangin as if i don't really exist. what is a friend? well you tell me. i guess i don't understand that word because i can't show it. well nobody knows how much i've been hurt. since i was still young i use to feel hurt with friends that i thought was. so right now scared an worried about it. so that's the reason i'm lonely always. i just kept hanging around with my songs as if they're my friends telling me what i need to do somehow. somehow in a way the message emphasizes what i was and what i am and will be. whatever, duh! yeah i know i sound funny and humiliating. this is what i feel i guess people would impugne these things. well have it your way. i'll have it my way.


well finally i've finished and reached my quota today. 26 tags already and everything has been processed and called. well right now i'm just thinking about other stuff that i can don. i don't know if i would be able to have a thing to do right now. well i don't freaking know if there's other things to do aside from playing sonic and mu. i'm wondering if i would even have the guts to play this mu. i'm kinda fed up. well because knowing that i'm way way far behind them. ok so what who cares i don't care even the care bears don't care, even if they do i don't care. hellouer! yeah you're damn right. i'm envious. well not that envious as if i would even strive harder to play the game up to the extent that somebody will catch me playing the game and i'll be terminated. d'ya know what i mean? well who cares.


well guess what i'm pissed off again. well our supervisor asked me how many calls i got. ok so i said 26 tags pulled. then he asked me to call one of my customers to verfiy the dispatch if he already received it and if it's working fine. ok so i called the customer. well it's resolved so after hanging the phone i said are you happy now! i'm freaking pissed!!!!!!! this asshole makes me sick. bastards!

unknown

what have i done for the past few days. well nothing much. i was just kind of hasty and irritated and fed up with my work and the routines that i had been here. well that's alright i'm ok i think things will change. well no communications with friends using the cellphone. but some of my friends who ignored my text messages suddenly texted me. first a friend of mine greeting me a hapi bday. apologizing for not knowing it was my bday. next one was a college friend. texted me also apologizing for not replying on my text messages. for some reason. ok i did not mind, i did not care. life goes on and on and on......

ok let me guess. yesterday my cousin went home for a while to get some cloths and to pay for something. she decided not to go home yesterday after that but instead i guess she's going back home later or the next day, i don't know. well had a good relationship with my mom when i got home. then my sister arrived. thought she's gonna sleep there. well anyways whatever.

been pissed off with my work yesterday because of my mu character is way way behind from my friends. need to catch up.

well i'm kinda happy and excited about playing mu. i already can use some of the spells that i couldn't use and my level increases faster. then here's the sup. he knows already that the tool is down. and yet he's implying that i'm not trying harder to pull up tags. he's so mean and inconsiderate. he can't say that i'm inconsiderate coz i'm trying. well i answer him that i kept pulling tags since iu arrived here at the office.. why don't he let this stupid bastard senior citizen scumbag to pull up tags. anyways he's not officially an l2 as what the sponsor had said. they're wondering why he's an l2 in the team.

well i'm kind of irritated with the way our sup handles the team. yeah i guess i agree that he's kind and nice to us in different manners. but the only thing that i protest about him is the way that he chose an l2. he did not even informed us. also the way he talk to us mentioning about our stats is awkward and also when he's commanding us to do this and that. he did not even know that we all here do our jobs. we don't even have time to go on petics before our job. as if we're not doing our job subconciously when he talk to us. very irritating for me.

they also complaint on certain managements here about the promotion and stuff but they're also like that. well just hoping that they would realize things. i really hope that our spony will have a guts to talk and to open that topic to him so he could realize what he just did subtly to the team.

anyways, later on i'll go down to a bank to apply for a credit card and also to activate my atm via phone to check my balances. i guess it's about time. i've been planning that for so long but did not achieve to do it. anyways, i'm pretty excited but worried about something again, which i don't know. whatever.

ano ba!!!!!

ok i'm so fed up with what my life has been doing. same old routine, same old shit. i'm really fed up. in reality i'm suffering with the way my life goes round. i want to do different things, i want to be happy. happy in a way that i see my mother happy content and having fun. if only i could be rich and stuff. i would give everything that my mom wants. i don't know what i've been thinking. i don't know what i want. i don't know what i wanted to happen. it's like i'm an empty jar. nothing in it. noo emotions, no fun no living. i wonder what i should do. i'm so tired, sick , fed up, sad and so damn crazy about things. i don't know one of the reason maybe i'm not getting fatter.

now you tell me what the hell i should do, think and hear. got no idea. yeah i'm very inconsistent , confused. just kept listening to my musics. wondering if there's anything that could change my mind. i've been liistening for so long but nothing changed. nothing happened differently but just to get carried away from these songs. o well no big deal, just as loong as i'm soothing myself that will be alright.

well here we go again with my madness to my colleagues. it's just a small thing but i'm making it as a big deal. with what they've said, it pissed me off. so i use to hit them in the ass, not literally but with what they're saying to me about that issue. o well good luck to me. the reason why people hated me so much. they're just using me with my talent. but i don't mind at all. just wish me luck. i really need a sign. a sign that would change me. i don't know. can't even think straight. can't even think about nice things. if only i could stand up and scream at the top of my lungs. i would have done that in this very moment. who's good and who's bad. i don't know maybe i just need a rest, a peace of mind.


what the fuck is happening to me. every plans and tactics i do in my job, it does not work. i thought it'll be nice but i think not. i hate this mind. if only i could undo my life. if only life has an undo key. i should have not done anything wrong. everything will be perfect. well this is a good day, really good day. just a little bit and i'll get crazy.

putangina talaga. this is not my day today. i've been unlucky. i've been told several times already about my performance. it's bad and i'm pissed. then i cannot play the game that i want. then suddenly you'll hear your colleague inviting each other to take their lunch at star bucks. fuck them. fuck me. i'm sympathetic and i wish i was dead. i wish i'm dead. common what am i suppose to do.... i'm pissed. what sign is this. am i being punished or this is just a bit of my karma. i'm out of my mind. what do you want me to do right now? i'm just doing my job and yet the tactics that i'm doing which i thought was ok, is not. ok tomorrow i should get 30 tags. all of the rips shall be called. except for dispatches and escalations. let's get it on.

i'm sympathetic. envious with others. urt in a sense ofpity. just dealing with my songs and stuff. still can't get away from those fears and eviousness, jealousness, what the fuck!

birthday

it's been days since the last blog i've posted. well have been busy and also forgot to post my blogs here. well i used to type it in wordpad with a very small font size so nobody could read it. it's anonymous baby.....

well yesterday was my birthday. yeah it's fun somehow, yeah fun, fun, no complaints. well i took 2 vacation leave to escape from my birthday blow out here at the office. i don't have a plan to treat them, like pizza or something and by the way no my obligation. i don't have enough money to spend for them and i have my own priority to use my money. i don't regret it. na-uh, no way no how, leche! it's been days since my cousins stayed at our house which i like. at least my mom has companies whatever the situation may be.

well for the past few days i was able to know about a secret on line game. it's free, fast to level up, has a lot of money to pick, stuff to buy immediately. unlike the original one. it's fun especially if you have strong powers to defeat villains and the like.

well last night on my birthday, my cousin invited her boyfriend's friends. they work with the US army. a very fluent, fast english speaking guy. you know me i don't mingle much with new people. i'm shy if you'll ask. but this guy is very talkative and get to mingle with new people easily. of course he greeted me and stuff. he brough with him his cousin which does not talk to much. i felt like he wanted to talk with me to ask a lot of things regarding me and all of us. to cut it short he wanted to make friends with me. well another opportunity to have new friends has been bypassed. oh well there's always next time. we never know when it'll be. no regrets. well i've already realized that in my age i should be mingling with other people. i need to make friends and stuff. i whould get out of my world a bit not a lot.

well i've missed a lot of things. yesterday i've applied for a phone line application, wireless. but it was not processed because of my COE. so today upon arriving at the office i've applied for my coe and this front desk crap told me to attach the application form for my application. i told her that i won't even use it on anything else, because on the form it is indicated on what i'm applying for. is the management of the office stupid or something. screw them all. so the front desk crap agreed on me and processed it somehow.

well let's see what will be the progress of these things. till next time.