i had a dream.....

i'm back... well when i arrived at work, my station was occupied by some maniac and all of the agents are scattered and there a re new agents who are taking their first call ever... basically of course all of us are scattered and we just took other's station and used it. well as what i know, first come first serve. i took cy's station and i'm sitting beside 2 maniacs and all. whatever, i don't have time to talk about them, because first of all, they suck and they are the so called sucker. moving on, i recevied that person's message last sunday, i guess, i think i have said that already with my last blog. anyways i was not able to reply coz i still don't have a load and probably later on i'll be able to buy me a load. altight and i've saved a lot of quotes here which i will send and forward to my friends, just you know, to inform them that i still exists. it's 5:56 am and 4 minutes to go before i log in. crap! here we go again and i need to wait again until 3pm, for 5 freaking days, until my off comes. i missed that event, where i seem to have a good day, everytime i go home after work. i was ondeirng f ever those days would come back to cheer me up. o well i just have to be patient. i don't have to freak out just for that event to happen but just have to wait.

Found out that she will be here later at night. ok i was thinking how the hell will we able to have a meeting with her or how she'll condcut meetings for us. anyway that's her problem. well i'm pretty excited for tomorrow, hopefully it'll be a success and that the people that i will handle would somehow acknowledge me, or acknowledge my leadership. isn't that cool. i don't know what will happen and hopefully everyhtings gpoing to be just fine. i'm pretty scared, nervous and paranoid at the moment about this program.. I can freel it now, but shucks it's so scary. anyway, i got with me earlier, barging on my call, kurt, my co-employee in a previous call center. well we had a chit chat about any updates and what had happened there.

just now i got a call and it automatically logged me off my tool and get disconnected with the customer. then this loud mouth asshole shouted, that i did not do an outbound. then immediately i received a call. i wanted to tell him that i did call back but it was busy. that asshole. he wanted to prove something here. maybe he wanted to dominate or just to grab attention by anyone with that. does he wanted me to be humiliated or get noticed by the upper management? that bitch. his name is LEVI. i did not know that he's like that. I will now avoid him to avoid any conflicts just with FISH. The reason also why ron was a bit annoyed, when he told ron that he's growing beard and stuff. then LEVI told me that ron looked annoyed. then i told him tht ron is just havng a bad day. but i think ron was a bit annoyed with what levi said. this man, is the same as FISH. NO FILTER IN THEIR HEADS. To cut it short, IMMATURE! pathetic people. when will they grow up. i believe these people already have their own family and yet their so freaking immature. no filter.....well, they're going to get theirs, not now but someday. i'm counting on it. sorry guys but you're gonna get that. that's the problem with people who has an attention deficiency syndrome. KSAP in tagalog. o well they better get well soon, or else everybody would hatge them for that. because they're very, not very but they're old enough to be aware and to have that kind of sickness. that's too pathetic if you're old enough you still have this illness. they need a remedy, really.....i don't know what but surely they need one. i'm not really into a competition if that's what they had in mind and i don't care if they will be a tl now, at this very moment. I REALLY DON"T CARE. Well during my call he approached me and asked me about what happened. so i was able to tell him that i called back the customer. he believed me because he told that to the customer that the previous agent, which is me, trying to call her and unfortunately the phone was busy. butti naman ganun. then we did have a little chit chat and stuff and almost forgetting that i have a call. he's scared. mwahahahahahaha! well next time don't approach me like that. don't you ever, ever shout as if i doid something offensive, bad and hideous or else i'll kill you! i would admit wrong stuff and doings but don't you dare humiliate me in front of unknown people or unfamiliar people. you're embarrassing me and i will hate you for that. do you exactly know what's it like to be humiliated in fornt of people? i guess you know that because i believe you had experienced it before. just an advise dude, don't you ever, ever be a loud, pathetic, arrogant, enormous, mouth. (what i mean by enormous is enormity.....)

Going back to the real world, we received the payslip and i was shocked when i saw 11 on it. i just realized that it is the total earnings not the net pay. so i only have 9. damn it. too bad. i was so excited but then it disappoints me. depressing that i only got 9. the reason why iw ant to be in the night shift so ican earn 10 a month i mean 20 a month. that's pretty excitng dude. o well i just have to wait til my shift starts at 9pm to get a full nd everyday. i hope on my birthday, everythings fine good and comfy.

i had these thoughts again in mind. i don't wanna say it, it'll just drag me down. shucks, i hate this brain of mind. it keeps haunting me. i hate it. make it stop! for crying outloud. by the way, last night i had a dream, i was driving a jeep in a narrow road, 2 way narrow road to be specific and it's a mrket place which is very filthy and dirty. it causes traffic. at first i was driving it fast then i almost bang on something because of these arrogant people and driver. then few moments i woke up and heard my alarm clock. i wonder what it implies with my life. i had few things in mind but i really don't count it reasonable and a definite answer to that dream. i really want to talk to a dream analyzer. telling me what the fuck is that dream all about. it's scaring me and i don't know if it implies in my everyday, freaking, worthless, messed up life. it's so sad and yet so bad to have that kind of dream, which does not even give me any idea what it means. senseless and disappointing. who wants to be a millionaire as what i always say.

i'm so sick and tired of wondering what will happen these days, these coming days. i'm so restless and i feel uneasy, irritated, annoyed, fed up and depressed. i need a major change. i don't know exactly when where to start and how will i start the change. i gotta take a risk, make a chance and take a change but, duh, tell me. ok wile i was thinking about something to type here, a colleague approached me and told me that my mustache does not fit for me. ok now i had proven that my mom and sisters are right or were right about it. ok fine, this is the first time i had encountered being told by a person that this does not fit me. ok fine so i'll remove it tomorrow. whenever i check my face in the mirror or on the mirror it's quite ok. o well people has different perspectives, percepetions in life. ok fine. here i go again, i feel so embarrassed.. if only i could do something good for today. something appropriate. something extra ordinary. then i believe, life is good and beautiful as well as the day. whatever, are you even in a normal state of mind, dude? i don't get what you're saying. it does not even make sense.

it's 1:37 pm and i guess 2 hours to go until we log out and go home and withdraw cash. yipeeeeee. but i wonder what's good to buy or interesting to buy. darn it. can i like just die right now. meltdown or break away from this feelings that i have. it's driving me nuts and crazy, devastating. anyway ti's 3pm and we just finished our meeting. i'll continue this tomorrow.

.......contain your excitement today.....

good morning....it's 5:18am on my phone. well regarding the message i received from my sister, definitely she did not took my tikoy, home. and so noow, i was able to give it to my friend, ferdie and thanked me for that. well, basically i would like to give out stuff like that to people i treasure most. of course she, not that much, but of course, she's the boss and just a respect. to make her feel that she's special. well all of the poeple i gave tikoy thanked me. it feel sooooo good. anyway last night i received a message from that person(you know who) regarding a quote, a funny quote. i was shocked when that person sent me that message. thankfully, it's a joke. whew, that was close. anyway once i got my salary i'll purchase a load for my cellphone so i can send out to all the messages that i received from an old friend from another company. it's ironic. all of a sudden that person, the old friend of mine, kept texting me lately. that was pretty good. but unfortunately i was not able to reply for my status. i don't have a load. but definitely i'll send her a message once i got a load. sorry for now.

today is my last day, meanoing it'll be my off tomorrow only. the reason for that is we just changed our schedule and badly, we were only given one off. too bad for me. but that's alright at least i dno't have to stay home long enough as i don't feel alright at home. last night i called my friend, ferdie to confirm if he'll go to work today. he said that he will and so i was able to pack with me the TIKOY that i just gave him. I also confirmed to him if he'll go at my bday. he said that he will definitely go. pretty way up cool man. i'm really excited for that. i wanna spend my birthday with my friends so somehow i'll be able to have pictures taken with them. i'll post it to my friendster account so it'll be there at all times no matter what happened. well i don't want to invite others because definietely they would not come as if we are close. i'll just invite people that are close to me.in addition, that i treasure most and value. my birthday wish is for me to get ready for that promotion. i won't expect much but definitely i'll expect. because too much of something, is bad enough. hopefully later or tomorrow i'll manage to invite beth to go to my birthday. i hope she does not have any agenda or appointment with her boyfriend. i wonder what will happen during my birthday? i hope it's a successand that they would really enjoy although they're just the few people who i invited. i forgot to call my sister and her huisband last night to invite them to my birthday. well basically they would know that and they will come over. my mom said that we will drink champagne on my birthday. i also wanted to say if it's ok to drink alcohol just for my birthday. i think she would not allow me, but i will say that it's my birthday and i'm 23, she sould allow me by now. i'm down on my nads and knees shout on the heavens on high, please let her allow me.

well the pretty exciting part there is precious, my best friend will come and i wonder what will they say afterwards and what'll they do. i guess it's about time that they meet her so that they can and they would feel comfortable. i don't want her boyfriend to go to my birthday because definitely i will not entertain him and it'll be corny and kj because once that person get tired or got fed up or even sad during the party he would invite precious to go home. that bitch. i hate him. so as much as possible don't she ever invite her bf, or i'll kioll her.

one thing i like about her is that she is game for any events. do you know what i mean? also, she let me feel that she treasures me. the way i do also. sometimes i think, we should have been together. if only i made it fdaster to court her then so far she would have been my bf. i feel that she has a crush on me. the way i do. when you say crush, it's not only with the physical attributes. it's with the attitude and how she shows her feelings to you. then suddenly this crap came around and started to court her and now i can say that i'm a loser. o well too bad for me.o well now they're getting married. they will marryin july of this year. i hope it will be cancelled because they have to part, mwahahahahahahahahaha! i'm everything but ordinary. but some people does not like it. or they don't even realize that unless you say it to them. o well soooo numb. numb that they don't really feel anything, they're not sensitive. i also wonder, how would me myself know that someone is or somebody is thinking about you. some people say that somebody is thinking about you, when you choke, or even when you fell while walking or you know anything that happeneds to you or some glitch in what you are doing. what i think about that is , i guess somebody is thinking about you if you thought of them, or even when you feel uneasy or you cann't even determine what you want to do for the day or you are uncertain of things. hopefully that's true. sometime i want to prove that, like i wanted to call somebody who i am thinking and ask him if that person is also thinking about me, even though it's just a matter of nano seconds that that person is thinking about me. just a proof.

right now everything's so blurry, messed up and freaking out. i can't even understand why? but definitely i'll find answer someday, somehow, but not right now. these questions that i have makes me confused and stuff. it's devastating, depressing, irritating, annoying and makes me wanna freak out and cry and even scream out loud. i also dream of going to a place, alone no people nothing surrounds you then just scream out loud and scream from the top of my lungs. just to release all the uneasiness, confusions, devastations, annoyance and irritation inside. i'm really looking forward to that. or even just in a room, sound proof room, with musical instruments and music to sing out loud and scream. that would be a very good feeling. for me. isn't it cute, great or what? right now as of the moment it's 5:49 am and wondering what could happen and what could be exciting. i hope i'll have a good news so i can live my day and life perfectly.

i just took my first break and waiting for my lunch break at 9:30. i had a chit chat with rupert and talked about the schedule, shifft and stuff, where he lives and he gave me a candy and hand me his lighter. damn my lighter is running out of gas. i'll try to buy a new lighter for me touse so if ever i will light a cigar, it won't be humiliating. o well, shit happeneds. right now i was wondering how i can make a progress report for my agents, assigned to me. i wonder what is a progress report. i know what it is, but i just don't know what's the format and how i can present it. garsh! too bad.... i just received her email regarding that and i'm pretty scared to have a bad feedback about the progress report that i will do. it might look hideous or funny or senseless, or even it might be the reason for me not to continue the task given. too bad. here's mr. humiliating. i'm scared to ask anyone about it. i'm paranoid about it. if ever i ask anyone. it might reach her and might degrade her confidence over me with the task given to me. o well, i'll try it anyway. now i know what'll i do when i come home.

i just reformatted my computer because of my darn mmc reader. it slows down my computer and i am wondering what's causing that. well finally i found out that it is caused by the driver for my usb. if you install the driver for that it'll enable the high speed performance of the usb but basically not my reader. so i just decided to uninstall it and try to download the latest one if there's one. I'm currently searching.......8:06am.......still searching.....i'm tired of searching, i quit.... can't find any. o well that's really a bad, motherboard. i will not buy any ecs board again.

i've consulted my tl earlier regarding the progress report. what's the format and stuff. well i was correct with what i think the progree report will be. i said and asked her about it and it's in a paragraph report. pretty cool, ei. first i was pretty scared that i will be humiliated but definitely it was an experience. i just finished my lunch and when i arrived at my station, i've noticed that somebody messed it up. well good thing it was ferdie, and left me a note regrding what i have given him. he thanked me with the tikoy and further inappropriate message, but that's fine and fun. at least this pperson knows how to be resourceful just to communicate to his friends. i appreciate it. o i just can't wait til 3pm. i'm a little exhausted. and sleepy. well i slept around 9:30pm last night and woke up at 11pm and woke up again at 3am when my alarm clock ring. i was able to ride a tricycle and so i was able to ride a jeep immediately and the jeep rushed so fast that i managed to arrive at work around 4:30 am earlier. pretty early huh?

nothing much to do, too much ado about nothing here. kept thinking of ados about nothing and it's driving me nuts. pathetic! Well, i'm nuts anyway. moving on, i can't wait any longer here. i'm pretty impatient for today. please make time fliy fast so i can do the things i wanted to do. garsh. i hope we get our pay today. too bad we have to get that on tuesday. darn it. i wanted to roam around here in libis and buy stuff that i want and canvas on some items so i can plan and savemoney to buy that stuff. o well i guess i have to wait for the opportunity that it's pay day and next day is our off. what a wonderful feeling that'll be.I also wanted to be promoted so i can have my own laptop, i can buy things that i want and do whatever i want. isn't that cute? how i wish.

o well, it's 12:19 pm and counting.....I hope that later i will have a good news. or something special will happen., how i wish.......i just checked my friendster account and so far no messages or updates for me. darn those people in my friends list. anyway i checked the fortune and it says "It will be hard to contain your excitement today when you finally get what you want. This is the kind of description i wanted to say alonmg the way. it's hard for me to contain my excitement.When i finally get what i want....la lang gusto kjo lang ishare.

tangina, antipatiko tong cyril na ito. nakabgiti lang ako pero, nabwibwisit ako sa kanya. sige pahirapan tayo....... tangina wag mo akong ganyanin,tsong baka, di kita matantsa. basically what i'm saying was, somebody here, just huniliated me with his reply. i did not mind about to confront him with that, but now i know where to place myself when i talk to him....you're gonna get yours, fat head shit bitch.
any way it's 2:00pm on my pc and 1 hour to go til i get outta here. see you on tuesday....for more information.
"

KUNG HEI FAT CHOI!!! TIKOY!

Ji, it's 8:25 and i just started this journal. I was pretty busy earlier because of the updates i had relayed to our tl. i've sent an email again regarding that and so it took me sometme to do all the task. before all that, when i arrive here at work i took my stuff in my locker, brought out my pen and i brought with me 2 boxes of TIKOY for me to give to my tl and friend. of course the reason why i took out my pen is to write their names on the box and also a brief greeting. TL asked me how i canor how she can cook it. told him just to fry it and dip it with a scrambled egg. she said that i'm really a chinese. well basically i wanted to do that for them to remeber me. then finally after a few hours i decided to bring the other box to my frien'd station. he's taking calls and so he managed to talk with me while on the call. i've stayed there for about 20 minutes, chit-chatting about stiff. well we did not even meet after his shift. he already left when our tl conducted a meeting for us all. he kept messaging me and even called on my cellphone. ok i was not able to answer that during the meeting of course. so i went to the smoking room after the meeting, perhaps he's there. he's not and so somebody is in the smoking room, herbert, and told him about that i thought ron was there. well i've mentioned that i don't have a load. he automatically lend me his phone and said to call him up. i was shocked but amazed that he let me use his phone to take a phone call. so i called him and basically told him that we had a meeting and stuff. asked him where he is and he's at a certain fast food. aske dhim also if he'll go straight home. he said yes and so tried ending the call and he greeted me KUNG HEI FAT CHOI! i said or i replied, sige! what a darn, dumb reply. after the call i thanked herbert and had a few conversation regarding his cssat and that customer who gave him a csat is so stupid. he failed him and so he told me that on the survey the customer had a great eperience but failed him. what the hell in the world is that? o well there's nothing we can do about it. just get a higher score next time. good luck next time.

Ok then afterwards he left and i was left alone in the room. so i kept talking to myself and think about craps. what a loser! then now i took my lunch and went downstairs to eat. then thought of the same crap in mind and it pisses me off. until now when i went upstairs to grab a smoke, and thought of crappy things again. while i'm typing, still thinking of crappy things. what the fuck! this is really pissing me off. i can't get it off my head hopefully, i could manage to make it stop. is it casting over? i don't think so. i wish it could. i don't feel special or anything special today. i hate it. i just freaking hate it. when i come home, what would be the next big thing could happen? i don't freaking know but hopefully things will be darn good and great and freaking exciting. i'm so tired f browsing the internet and downloading stuff. i wanted to download major updates but basically i have a turtle connection and it's really frustrating and i really would like to make it fdaast. i gota have a high internet or fast internet connection, but, hello, can i even afford that? dream on.

on feb 1 by the way, we'll start doing tl tasks and all. i wonder what could happen. tl said to me that when ferdie is around then we'll have a meeting with him. i don't know if i'll do the talking or what? ok let's prepare. hopefully i would be a reasonable tl for feb 1. i'll have more responsibility now and hopefully when finally i apply for the tl position, i'll pass. or else, i'm darn so stupid. so please give me strength to do that. to pass it and eventually make it to that position. heaven save me! i'm down on my hands and knees and shout on the heavens on high, i will make it!

later on my mom will go to the concert together with her highschool friends. they're going to watch lettermen. hopefully they would be able to watch it harmoniously and that they'll be safe. it's 6 minutes and counting till i log in again. i've nooticed that time flies so fast today. i just took my 1st break and now my lunch. this is it, myt!. see you later.....

last night i called that person informed him about the meeting that we had yesterday, and too bad for me to tell him. well it [pissed him off. i said i'm sorry but he was not mad at me and in fact he's happy for me. he's just frustrated with the things that are going in his mind about the situation. he could have been one of thepeople to be given such task. i've asked him about his trainer application and he said that it's a lemon. ok lemon. then he would just say negative things again and stuff. i regret that taking of calling him because ii made his day bad. i'm really sorry..... i didn't mean to hurt his feeling. as a friend i don't want to hurt them or even give them a hard or bad day. i felt so guilty about it. supposedly, i should tell him why tl chose those guys i thought it was just me and willie. ok so go right ahead and do those things you choose, even if it does not the match her actions with her words.too bad.....as far as i know, i see it clearly that she is doing good. she's not favoring those shit heads. it's just that that person is brain wahshing me. so i tend to feel the same feeling that person has with her. i'm now thinking that the reason behind he was transferred to another team is, because she thinks that he's a threat to her. it is also possible that fish and his minions are instructiong her to dump that person to another team, coz he's a threat? those stupid monkeys. i hope they die. they die like a man being hazed to death. suffer, agonized, and destroy. if i could only do that..... i hope that person would be my team mate again so i can grow more and that we will be spending time again during trainings. the same with the other guy. i've missed those days. it could have been other team mates that had been transferred. too bad for me really. or i could have been transferred. that would be fine. seeing that person so happy and stuff is good to me. at least experiencing the things that person want in this company will be good for me. unfortuantely all of his dreams in this company falls on me. i felt so guilty about it. in the first place i really did not expect much about this, but i was nboticed. shoickingly noticed. i'm exhilarated. one thing about me is, i'm a little paranoid about stuff. the reason also why i'm too silent. or i'm a man of few words. it's because i always think that people would say something bad about what i just siad or did. i'm not really conversal. i don't do a lot of chatting and say fiction things.

i don't have any intention to drag that person down. that person is my friend and i treasure him and i value that person. Just in case that that person hates me for that, well there's nothing i can do about it but just to blame myself and kill myself for that. i even told him that night that one thing i have realized is not to share things with him any longer for him will just get pissed off. i really hate what's been going on and it really makes me sick. i'm sick and tired of this situation. i always get problems,conflicts and pain, sorrow, agony, and dilemma. o well, i just have to get used to it. I need to get over this feeling but i wonder if i had. do they want me to be like this? if only i could make things good for now, well maybe i won't be writing journals about myself and about my pathetic life and worthless scenarios. for thoise who would attempt to read this, i know it's inquisitive and very senseless. don't say it, i know. well basically the reason behind this journal is just for me to express and let out the pain and sorrow and agony that i feel inside and it makes me somehow feel easy and light. of course everyone wants some one to talk to or with to release all the pain and sorrow. the way i doi t, i just write it or type it here. just to release those freaking stuff. well basically no one would even care when i tell this to them.

i really would like an intense change. i want it immediately as possible. i really want to just think about what i want now rather than thinking about someone who would do no good at all. would just add up to my frustration, depression, frustration and devastation. why do i have to experience this. it's so uncomfortable. i can't even download any file here. everything is blocked. i'm going to check my friendster account and see if somebody messaged me. by the way, i sent a testimonial to both of those people and what do i get, nothing, no thank you or even no reply. those b*tches. i got a call just now and it was an escalation because this darn stupid arrogant shit head cx is soooo embicile that i don't even imagine if he's an american or what. he seems to be the only american who don't or who does not understand perfect english....well that's what uneducated people are, i guess.....yeah you can say that i'm mean but basically they are the ones who are mean and arrogant. they can't even understand that we're here to help them and give them the best option but they're too demanding and too impolite. well screw them!. they're so bad and now i understand that they're malleducated and because of their liberated way of living, that's their attitude. i'm sorry to say this but this does not imply to all but some... sometimes i think, do they even think? don't they just give a little respect to others so they also can be paid with a full respect. o well stop thinking about this crap it's non sense, i just realized.

my sister messaged me and asking me if i need the tikoy. unfortunately i'm not able to reply because i don't have a load and i'm asking some people here if they have one but they don't and so i just wish she won't get my tikoy or else i'll kill her. that tikoy is for ferdie and i need to give it to him. that's a need and so she should understand that.it's 2:17 pm and still waiting for another call. hopefully no more stupid calls. it will just irritate me so much.


o well til tomorrow....hopefully i will have a good day....

molding.....(tl)

good morning! it's 5:53 am and met my fellow bandmate,schoolmate,classmate, friend in college here at work. good thing we were able to share stories about things that we commonly know. regarding the recording that we had when we play several music in a recording place. darn it. i lost that tape and so i'm pretty piissed off. i never knew that i would lost that shit. anyway i'll just move on.

she approached me and told me to go on assign after the call . we had a meeting together with the 3 other people. well basically it's all about molding us to become a tl. alright that's so cool. so i don't know when we'll start but hopefully it'll be good fo uus. i'm going to make it good, somehow. i hope that i'll be recognized or commend regarding the great job. now what's scaring me is my application to become a tl. once i'm interviewed and went on with the process. hopefully that i'll pass and that i'm pretty much recommended to become one for a career growth. haaaaay, i'm so excited. by the way, in the conference room i was able to mingle with the 2 brats. i've asked myself after the meeting, i've realized if i was pretentious that moment. but then something came into my mind that i'm not, because as far asi know the anger, irritation and annoyance have disappeared. but not totally.

that person came to my station and tapped me to go on break to have a smoke. i told him that i just finished smoking and that i did not know that person is still around. good luck with that. so i told him to get his itr at the receptions area and also asked him if he wanted to wait for me til 9:30 to take my lunch. well of course he did not mind. o well i got a lot of stories to tell you but never mind, see you perhaps later or tomorrow. too bad, lately, past few days, we were so cold and no conversations much. by the way, i received that person's email and he said that feb 2 is his off. good thing at least he does not have a problem to come over to my house. for my bday. i'm really excited, for that. i just can't wait til my bday comes.

my birthday wish are, for me to become a tl here at siemens, hopefully canada will be also available sooner. i wanted to move on, what i'm saying is, i wanna experience the whole new world. what it's like to be alone, independent and making your own decisions. well i'm still hoping that my friends here will still be there for me and will never forget. o well, for now, everythings changing rapidly. i can't even imagine how well i am in regards with my work now. unbelievable that i'm recognized and chosen to become a tl. hopefully that i will be the first one in our batch here in this team, to become tl. what would be that person's reaction? would you think he would be intemidated, insecured or even get mad at me foro that? i don't know. i guess time will tell. hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for me again. i just realized today, that i keep getting good news and experiencing it without expecting much. before i expect much and so it dragged me down. now i'm not expecting ut it just happeneds. this will be a history for me. well i wanted to that person to somehow show that he is happy for me and that he would not have this bad feelings or insecure feelings about my promotion or something. i'm not saying that i'm promoted but you know i'm getting there. what do you think?

well one thing i've noticed also with that person is, he's immitating my fashion. hmmmmmm, i don't know if that's true but i'm seeing it. i've just decided this week to wear polo. just for a change. i'm also growing my beard and mustache, and that person too. or i think i should give a benefit of the doubt regarding tht. i may be wrong. not all or everybody has the same thing in my mind. i don't have the right to assume. ok, i understand that but that's the only thing that i think the way i see things. nowadays, i keep seeing agents wearing siemens jacket as what they purchase just to make their batch unique all else. well that's cool and i don't mind or i did not come to think of doing the same thing. let them live their life and so am i. i'm pretty excited today. i just can't wait for the time that we weill be assigned to handle our agents. i'm thinking about how will i start to coach them. i don't know if i should be planning now regarding that. i should come to think about the plans now so i can somehow consult it to my tl to check if that will be the right step for the nitial step. ain't that cute? well i have a lot of stories to tell to that person but evidently, we don't have time. darn it. i've missed the conversation that we always had. but please, i don't want the same old darn stories he is conversing to me. about fish and his minions and about her and stuff. i don't want to be the problem or bad feeling bearer. it's sick, tiring, and i'm fed up. o i just can't wait for that day...... i wanna show how responsible i am to handle tasks. i am pretty shocked when fish and his minions was chosen to become tls also. i think they don't deserve it because so far as what i have kknown them, they're not respponsible enough. i'm not being bitter, i'm just stating the fact. in stating the fact it's not being bitter. 8 minutes and counting til i log in again. o well i'm feeling low again because i think i've shown all the excitement that i felt. too bad.

i kept on receiving quotes from my friend, zen. she keeps sending me quotes and it already used up my inbox i've saved some messages fro me to forward the next time i got a new load for my cellphone. it'll be text galore once i bought a load. hopefully i will be excited when i got home. by the way, i will burn mom 2 discs for her to give out to her friends, by the way. that will be cool as long as my sister won't abuse the computer later on.

see you around myt. perhaps see you tomorrow and i'll update you further of what's going to happen. hopefully it'll be good.

unfeel.....

another day, another life, another ado. o well, i wonder what will happen today. i've sent her an email and i got no reply about it. i think that she won't allow me. o please, don't say that or else...... what a day. i got a message from THAT person, not her but that person, asking me about FISH's application for TL. i did not reply because i don't have a load and that it's a freaking waste of time for me. i'm pretty fed up with that kind of conversation. it's like, he just woke up because he was bothered or disturbed about that fish's application. what a loser! that person is so freaking insecure and intemidated by fish. i hate it. that person should be happy whatever success that person has. it's no like because this person is bad, he does not deserve to succeed. we don't consider those things only, yeah i believe he's mean and so darn irritating but that person should not be bitter. let him, fish, grab any opportunity he wants, in this world success or fame does not count when you go to heaven. it's better to be nothing here in this world, than nothing when you past away. as long as you do good things in this world, that's better. that person should understand that. i just can't believe that person feel that way. if that person really like to have that success that person should do something about it, and disregard those bitterness and insecurities. it won't do any good. one more advise is that, that person should not be too paranoid about things like that, it'll drag him down. don't let the success falls down on fish, but he should do it in a friendly competition. well, basically, he keeps reminding me not to be like them. i feel that i won't be like them and i won't even mingle with them, they're not the typo that i would like to mingle with. one more request is, hopefully, he won't message me things about fish only, coz i feel like i'm just someone that you can talk to regarding that situation and nothing else. i understand that he appreciates my somwhow words of wisdom regarding that but please, i'm pretty fed up, annoyed and irritated. hopefully that person can hear me out loud.it's 5:34 am and i wonder what are the things i can do for today? will i be happy, the same as yesterday? earlier i just realized that i left my scapular, i really hate myself for that. i always wear that, but today, i forgot to wear it. stupid me. sorry, for forgetting to wear that scapular, i hope i'll still be guided and guarded.

let's talk about something else. i don't want to talk about that person, she, fish and stuff about work. i just realized that i almost have a book, ready to be published regarding my experiences at work. well i just checked my blog yesterday and i have a lot of comments, senseless and inquisitive comments. comments posted on my blogs are the same, all the same, requesting me to check their blog, well i'm not interested because for sure it's just a spam. advertising their freaking products and stuff which is way too unworthy. and so far i think are just hoax. by the way, when i came home yesterday, my sister just arrived from school and so she raced on me to use the computer. evidently it took her hours and hours to use the computer and the internet. also i just heard that last night my sister woke up and found out that our electric fan is burning. my mom told me the exact thing happened. my sister woke up with no reason at all, and found that the electric fan is burning, she was able to unplug the cord and puor water on the fan, thankfully, she was proactive on what she should do. that was pretty scary. i just decided to buy a new fan, than any other things that i came to think of. of course because of that, i was scolded and given advise blahblahblah, yadiyadiyada. fine.

here i go again, well, basically she tapped me and told me to go on aux feedback for coaching. ok we talked about my stats and the target and the current stat that i had this month. then finally we talked about general behavior. ok we had this conversation about that person. that person messaged her last night regarding fish's recommendation and crap to become a tl and so what. i was pretty nervous about it because i was the one to blame. it comes out that i tell that person about fish becoming a floor walker and stuff, but eventually, i did not tell that to him, he asked me why fish is roaming around and stuff and so i said i don't knnow, maybe he's a floor walker because it's within his freaking shift. then that person asked her about the passion of fish becoming tl, which she got offended as what she told me earlier. i got mad about that person first thing when she told that to me. it comes out that i'm being bad, in general.

basically, i was shocked to day because he's still here talking with her and you know having a chit chat about certain stuff to make it clear for both of them. i don't know if they're talking trash about me or something ok just now that person left. asked me if it's my dismissal. of course not i'll be here until 3pm. too bad that my schedule will be the same and that i only have one day off. i don't know if that's good or what. but i believe that will be great at least i don't have to stay home for 2 freaking days just to see things surrounds me, unwanted. do you know what i mean? or do i make sense? whatever! so long , that person. see you perhaps tomorrow and hopefully everythings clear to you now. what a day. 7 minutes and counting til i log in again and take calls. thankfully the expats are gone. and that i took my lunch already before they did some barging with calls. ok so what's good for today? i don't have an idea but just wait til i get into that freaking moment. scary..... see you later myt!

well finally, she left, it's 11:51 am. i feel so lonely. i wonder what i can do for now on my station. so far there's another expat barging in to my colleague's call. hopefully no one would barge in with my call or else..... there's nothing i can do........ i want to go home now, and by the way, i just received our new schedule for next week and damn, i will only have 1 day off next week. my off is sunday and monday, i have to go to work next week for 6 freaking days. that's an agony. just one off? i wonder who makes the schedule....i wanted to kill it..... such a pain for me, but there's nothing i can do about that. they're so mean and bad.

i really miss a lot of things in life. i missed the old days. all i can do is just to think about it and nothing else. i really want a change. i hope there's a lot of things that will happen to me this year, and i mean wonderful things. i really hope that this is my year. since i have the year of the dog, water dog, and hopefully it's a good year for me. i really want to feel good about what will happen to me. o well come what may, and see what will happen.....

see you tomorrow and so far i don't have any info to share. i feel so empty today and i feel nothing, no ados much.

beautiful day

hi, i'm back....well basically when i got home last sunday, what i did was i went to the internet and downloaded some mp3s and stuff. i've noticed that i've been using the computer for quite long and i think it's abusive. well i had fun anyway . yesterday i used the computer again to download more mp3s and went to aranque to buy ngoyong for Chinese New Year. it'll be on the 27th of this month. i'm pretty excited about it. i don't know why but surelky i am. i bought a cd for my mom. mp3 collection of beatles but i was hoaxed by that reseller. the songs are different and there a few songs there that was originally sang by the beatles. anyway, i bought myself a cd also, a collection of local bands and finally i got what i was looking for and discovered a new band which is not that old, or it's been there a while. the name of the band is shamrock. when i played the disc it was their song that i first heard and i really freaking like it. so i listened to their other songs and it's pretty good. of course there are other songs that i already have. so i just copied some that are not in my collection. it's a sheap disc. i only got it 50PHP. when i got home, my mom requested me to download her an mp3 for her to give it to her friends. ok finally i got it and she's pretty excited.

yesterday it was a good news for my sister, honey. she'll be going in UKto work. finally, she'll be ok. she could establish a new life there. i'm really happy for her and hopefully she'll be successful and she'll be a citizen so all of us can go there and start a new beginning. what i also want to happen is that all of our relatives especially the kumag ones would know that and would somehow approach us to make ammeds. but one thing for sure if that happeneds....i'll give them a finger, a dirty finger to be specific. mwahahahahahahaha! they'll surely get that from me. well basically yesterday, we had a conversation, my mom, about my birthday. she asked me what to prepare for my birthday. ok so i said, pasta and other stuff, that i'm not really sure of and i can't really think of. then i told her that i will invite 2 of my friends in the office, and 2 of my schoolmates in college. while i was on the internet i launched my ym and had a chat with precious. well i've invited her about that and forced her to come. she even asked me what gift i want. so when she asked me about that i kid around and told her to buy me a house and lot. then she replied if it's ok if it's in a pot. or flower pot. then i told her that it is ok as long as i fit in that. mwahahahahaha! well, my widsh before my birthday comes is for all of them to be able to come to my birthday so ican take some pictures together with them. so i have the memories and stuff. hopefully 2 of my officemates can come and would take the risk of going to work the next day. isn't that good or what? please hopefully they would agree and manage to do that. o well, i'm wishing....

last monday i have decided to give tikoy to my tl and friends here at work as a sign of, i really treasure them. hopefully they would freaking feel that. so i could be happy and i would feel so alive. la lang.... well i've talked with precious about my birthday and hopefully she would come and that she would not go tho her bf's brother birthday. it's not important at all. i assure her that it will be a waste of time if she'll be going there. i've managed to convince her to come to my birthday and please hopefully she would not make any excuses as i will make her life excused. just kidding.

for the past 2 days, that person did not even message me. i always send that person quotes and stuff and now, that person just messaged me and asking about me, if i have ahift today. i did not reply because i did not have a load and i will buy me a load once it's already pay day. i don't know what will be that person's plan for today and i don't mind. by the way when i had a chat with precious, i've told her that i don't feel depressed anymore like i used to. she gave me some word of advise and common phrases, that i had surpassed something and stuff. well that's a good thing. i really don't feel so sad no more about what's going on. i really feel like this year is going to be a really good year for me. hopefully that's true. please make it good. and that i really hope that i will be gone to CANADA.... i want to live anew and discover new things there to make my life worthwhile. if that happeneds, that's sooooo good. hopefully my friends here won't change and would think about me everyday of their freaking lives as what i always do. i'm also hoping that before i even go in CANADA i would be a tl here in this company, just to experience things and it might be a move not to go in CANADA. i don't know, but time will tell. she told me that she would mold me as a tl but how come FISH is the one she's assigning to do FW and giving him tasks instead of me. hmmmmmm, that's bad, really really way bad. i'm not liking it. but i'm still here to wait for that opportunity and please give it to me. i'm begging you, i want a carreer growth, now, it's been 2 years since i've been working in a darn call center being an agent.

it's 5:55 am, 6 minutes before i take calls again..... oh yeah before i forget, i will go to a computer store today to have my earphones replaced. the left plug is not working no more. i need to have them replaced that and hopefully they would exchange iot as what on the product is indicated, withoput questions asked for replacement..... if not thenn i would just have to buy a new one. i like that earphones becuase it's louder than the cutrrent one i am using all along. ok see you later......

ok, just to share, he approached me on my station to talk about, you know, same stuffs again. he would only message me regarding that but, anything else, keber na sya.... he would only talk to me just because of that issues, issues with her and FISH, get what i'm saying? any wa, so bad and yet so sad, if that's the case..... i've emailed both of them regarding my birthday on feb 2, hopefully they could come and that they would take the risk to file a leave. that person wnet to my station again and inviting me to have a short break, but when i was about to take it, he was talking with somebody and so i went ahead to the smoking room. then finally a lot of people came along and so we weren't able to talk much and he managed to talk to those people and so i just left the room and told me that hee will visist me on my station. ok. i just hate it when it happeneds. moving on, she asked me something about wave 2b people, and i was not able to provide them because i'm not really sure of their surnames and who those people are which she provided. ok dedma. hopefully everyhtings nice. well earlier when that person visited my station, tl was there and said to him that he's not even giving a chance to talk to her and he brought it back to her. whatever, then they finally talked and shared some shits and stuff, ok here's mr nevermind again..... go and have a great time. bye! if only i could shrink into peieces and dissolve, that would be highly appreciated. i assure you that. i can't imagine how fed up i am with this conversation that i'm relaying to you. it's so worthless and senseless. i hope that i could tell you more about something else aside from this stupid feelings that i'm encountering in the office. well my only wish is for me to be able to become a tl and show them that i'm better than them, gua pi e ka gao. mwahahahahahaha! what a loser. ferdie gave me a cup noodle, i don't know why. he told me that he does not like it, ok so i guess i'll save money for later. mwahahahahahaha!

i really hope it's jan 31, so i'll have my own money. isn'tit good. by the way i almost complted the alanis new album. i already have 8 songs downloaded with warez, the new album, jagged little pill acoustic. the version is so good and i like it. then suddenly he came and tapped me on my shoulder and said, i'll go ahead. ok goodbye, and good luck with everything. smuck! this is a so dumb annoying kinda thing. that prick! anyway, i want to set free.

ok tl started to email us all regarding the tournamnet, basketball, to be specific. and so these ASSHOLES started to initiate you know, worthless, immature, unprofessional punch lines. which i don't care about. i'm just reading it and i'm not interested to join their club.

anyway, i just took my luch and i bought me a food for the reason i did not bring with me any food. i spent 65 bucks and now i wonder if ever this will fit in my budget, my goodness. o well, i just needed to make sure that it'll reach til sunday. hopefully next week we do have the same schedule. so i could make or file a leave. i don't know if i should be excited on my bday. i don't know if it'll be exciting for me. hopefully it'll be. hopefully i will be allowed to have aleave. anyway i met a new guy, named jerome. from wave 8. he barged on my call, and was so amazed with my call, i don't know if it is because i did multitasking or i was able to solve the customer's issue and stuff. it's a good feeling that i was complimented. at first i was so scared that he would laugh at me or comment a lot of stupid shits on that call. well, so far i think he's amazed. good thing siebel was able to cooperate with me during that call. i was able to show that person that i can do multitasking and stuff.

it's 10:45 am and i feel like i just arrived at work. time flies so fast for me today. i don't know if it'll fly fast later when i log in. it's pretty good that i feel so good and weary-free today. i'm not wasting time and effort in thinking about that person. finally, i got out from that weariness and crap. thank you! i appreciate that. feel so good that somehow i'm alive. i'm not expecting much about my bday or these coming ocassions.. i just feel fresh, light and a-ok. this is what i wanted to feel now. i don't feel any uneasiness about fish and his minions. well they have their own life and whatever they do, i don't care. as long as i'm professional and mature enough here, that's fine. because whatever shit they do to me, well it'll come back to them, not the same way that they will do, but it'll come back in some reasonable or whatever ways. it'll hurt, so bad, the agony..... better watch what they're going to do or else, bad things will happen. that's what you call KARMA.

6 minutes and counting until i log in again. it's so fast i wonder if it'll be a fast day for me today. it's actually raining outside and i did not bring with me an umbrella, just a jacket with a hood. enough to protect me from getting wet. as long as it's not traffic or there's no heavy traffic later on when i get home, it'll be much;y appreciated. i need to think about something now. before boredom, gets me, even depression, sadness, frustration and all stupid, crap feelings. i hope it's already 1:30 so i can take my break and ready to go home. haaaaaaay, what a day!

everytime that i hear one of the minions' voice, i get irritated. i feel so bad about those people and i really think that they'll never change and that they'll never match their words with their actions, at all. i assure you that. i really don't care, whatever happeneds but please make them go away so i can live my life more conviniently. thye're not cool, and i really abhor all the stuff that's coming out of their freaking mouth. it's all green, obsene and defamatory words which i find unprofessional and immature. they suck so they are so called suckers! so far i haven't received any calls yet and i wonder why. on my siebel it shows that i'm unavailable, but on my phone it shows available. so i guess there's something wrong. well i won't mind that just for me to relax and somehow make it good to sit and stare at my cmoputer. o well i guess i have to end it here, not much ados here. and i believe it's a beautiful day......

if all else fails......SIRET!

hi there! well it's sunday and i's sunday morning. well i have a new hair style and it's a decent hair do. because yesterday when i came home my mom advised me to change my hair because the style that i did was all crap and she knows that you know diverted people has this and think that i'm one of them. well basically not. ok so i tried to change it today and i'm thinking of a new style which will be reasonable and will look good for others. ok fine, i did not know that but i have sensed that i would hear that comment from my mom. ok change again! well my tl invited me a while ago to accompany her to take her lunch. we went down i've accompanied her and talked about certain stuff. that's good. we were able to build, you know, good conversation. actually more than good. it's 5:42 on my pc clock. ok so i still have 18 minutes before i start to take calls. o well hopefully it'll be a nice day again. but please make it interesting unlike these past few days. one thing also FISH is not around and thankfully he's not around, i really hate to see him and even hate to mingle with him. duh as if were close, after all the thingshe did last few months. i'll never be able to trust that person anymore.

a while ago when i was about to sleep. i mean yesterday, he texted me and asked how my day was. i replied about what had happened to me. i told him that i was coached again before i take my lunch. it's about you know FISH and his minions. i did not really expect that to happen. i even told her that she does not have to do it for me. she said, during the coaching session, that she's not doing it for me. she's doing it for her as a coach. ok fine. but at the back of my head, it'll never work out and that i would do it for promotion sake. going back to that person, he replied that what about it and it's about bitterness again. i told that person tat it is not about bitterness. i really don't trust those people anymore. they're suck ups, liars and worthless people to deal with. he's a bang hole for heaven's sake. they're not worth it for me to mingle wth. i believe that it will be the same thing at the back of their crazy, worthless, arrogant minds. well that person messaged me but i was not able to reply because i believe that i want to sleep. i can't remember what was the last thing he messaged me but i don't care.

by the way i was not able to take my dinner last night. i went to sleep continuously. well pretty much because i'm lazy to prepare my food and stuff so i just decided to go ahead and sleep. who wants to be a millionaire! i use this phrase whenever i feel sad and unwell and even uncertain of my feeling now. what this means to me is, millionaire, it conotes wealth, basically and also other stuff like happiness, contentment or even bad things, like sad, worthless and stuff. it's basically an expression. instead of sigh, i would say, who wants to be a millionaire? grabe na 'to. well right now i'm seeing those people who i don't wanna see and who i could not manage to deal with. i'm referring to FISH's minions. good luck to them. what i'll do to me, well basically i'll make them suffer. i'll make it hard to them for them to talk to me or something. bahala sila, gago sila ako hindi. mahihirapan sila sa akin 'noh! so they should not expect anything from me. yeah, i'm going to talk them once they asked something from me. but it'll be just simple. a simple question, i'll give a simple answer that's it. no more than that.they're not worth my time and effort.t

That person by the way, left his mug on my desk. so as of the moment it is in my locker. he did not even realize that. well of course i will return it to him. i was about to take it home and make it mine. but i just realized that, that's bad. it's not a good thing. ok so i will return it instead. coz i love to collect stuff from people who i treasure. is that bad. see you later i'm about to log in now.

ok so i was talking with my tl because FISH is not around. once that he's around i can't approach her because he's making his ego more visible which irritates me.o well, ferdie went to my station and talked with me. it's a good thing that he still comes around. i appreciate that. well basically i do to. i approach him and talk to him about certain stuff. well, actually i've asked him about certain stuff. he mentioned that, something about i don't wanna specify. WEll, basically they have the same conversations about the conversation that i receive from that person. ok so i guess we're both experiencing the same conversation as what they have. is there anything else you can share to me? or even to us? duh! all of it are the burdens he feels about what's going around. too much of that issue. it's kinda frustrating and i'm kind of fed up. well at least we are getting closer to one another, the three of us. and also it makes us solid, our friendship. that's kinda like it. earlier when i was in the smoking room, i kinda feel to treat myself somewhere. like go to a certain store downstairs and check for something or even buy something, but i just realized that i don't have money. i've ran out of money, uhuhuhuhuh!:'( i'm a pauper nopw. anyway, on the brighter side, next week it's pay day and it's my off, yipee. hopefully i would get more than i've expected. well one thing to find that out is to wait and see until that day comes. alright then.

**sigh! *** what a day, it's kinda like noting. it's emppty, stagnant, and not that worthy. i don't know what to expect and i'm pretty sure there's not much agenda or adventure or experience. well i think that's sad but cruel and it's here to stay, it's just real life anyway... well she messaged me and informed me about the boxing updates. well we won the first fight and hopefully the succeeding fights. so i'm down on my hands and knees and shout to the heavens on high, make it a win for us all. it's pretty unusual for me, what i'm experiencing today. yeah, it's wa too different. but i still feel too much ado about nothing. garsh! what a bum. i just hate it.

anyway, moving on, i've messaged precious, my friend back in college. i've asked her if it's ok for me to visit here today. well until now, i haven't received her message. maybe she's still sleeping or probably busy doing so much ado with her life. you know, her boyfriend and stuff. suddenly, i just received her message, talk of angels, and she said that she'll go at the mall to get a line. wow, pretty good for her. hopefully i would be able to get a line too, someday, somehow. i want to have a new phone, with video cam, so i can take a picture of myself and stuff that would be inspiring for me. like shooting things and people and stuff. that's a kind of interesting thing to do. now i wonder when will i be able to get a new freaking phone. i've checked my email at work and so far no emails yet. ok no one would even email me, as if they care. as if i care too. i'm wondering what that person is doing now? well, i won't message that person. perhaps he's busy doing some or so much ados. i also have a strong feeling that, that person, will disregard my message. hopefully on wednesday that person would approach me about the coaching shit that i had yesterday. as if he cares. that person is really selfish and egocentric. that's what i really think of that person. if he talks i'm listening and i really do listen to everything that person says, but when i speak, that person would immediately change the topic and leave what i said hanging. argh! what an asshole, dya think? but i just keep it to myself. as if that person would care if i say that. now here's ome more thing, if ever i disregarded what that person said he would be frank and straight forward to tell me to let him finish and say something about what that person said. ok so here's mister pathetic again and what i did was just disregard that again and leave it as if i don't mind. well basically because i don't want to make or even create or have a new problem,dilemma or conflict. it'll be too hard for us especially for me. i'm still experiencing problems but i think i can't handle more problems anymore. i would only want to die and kill myself again. haaaaaaaaaay! on the other hand, what will be the nicest thing to happen today? would i be able to manage things appropriately, today? hopefully, yes! but i'm still inquisitive about it now. o well i'm about to take calls again, my lunch is almost over and i need to prepare again. so hang in there.


all these things and thoughts going on my mind are never resting, and i'm so freaking tired. i can't seem to get it out my head. somebody help me please.... o well look for something that is fun and it would be good to live a new. speaking of FUN, what exactly is that? i can't seem to imagine what fun is.

tomorrow will be my off, as well as tuesday. i'm thinking what are the things i would do while i'm home. one is to play and browse the internet and download stuff, then what? sleep? i don't want to sleep if i don't feel like sleeping. it's not one of my hobbies. i would only want to sleepif i just got out from work.even if i feel so freaking tired. i wanted to visit some places but i'm not sure what place and where. i can't seem to think of any place i can visit, but i have one in mind for sure. i just don't have any idea. too bad for me.

well basically i just heard the news that pacman won the fight. alright victory for the philippines. ok then while i'm on a call my tl messaged me about the fight and stuff. then this person texted me and aske me how i was. so i replied and so far no reply yet. ok what's that for actually. ok good luck with that. i'm not expecting anything but good thing that person remebered me and managed to ask how i was. that's enough. o well what a day, it's so sad but cruel and it's here to stay it's just real life anyway. the day is almost over and i need to end this now. see you on wednesday and hopefully it'll be a good day to start my day again. ciao romano!

coaching galore!

hi good morning.... well i arrived at work around 4:30 am. too early but it's better than staying home waiting for the time. at least here i can be more productive. as of the moment i am listening with my music. nothing to do but just write and express all the things i am feeling right now. well no one to talk with because they're all busy. basically, one thing i've noticed FISH is not around, good thing no noisy shit heads, hehehe. but of course his minions are here and pisses me off seeing them. my goodness, if only i could make them go away, but it's far from the possibilities. ok just need to indulge with that. surrounded with immature people and non sense people.

last night my cousin mimi, came to our house and will spend the night with us because she will go to payatas for some social works and stuff. she's seem so tall, i'm kind of envoius at least i should have been taller than her but well, i wonder who was my dad, perhaps i inherited his height. too bad for me but there's nothing i can do about that. moving on, i wonder what would be the scenarios that will happen. will it be a good day for me? hopefully it'll be. i'm seeing people here who just immitated my styles. hehehehe, not to brag, but in the office i was just the only person having the collar up. you know what i mean? i'm also the only person here with a rebel kind of fashion. shall i say a rocker style. well first time to happen to me. i'm being immitated for my styles. well no problem with that.

as of the moment i am listening to a song, sang by michelle branch entitled are you happy now. well this is my song now for thast person.....if you know who that is but definitely me, me myself, alone knows. sorry better guess who that is. moving on, now that , that person is actually having fun with those people now. they seem to be happy, having fun and stuff. that's good i'm pretty much envious about it. if only i could exchange with him. well basically because i really need that. i do. well i guess He has the purpose for me now. i don't know, i'm not sure what it'll be but hopefully it'll do me good and it will be an experience of a lifetime. pretty excited for the promotion which i know is too far for me to assume. i hope i do good and that i'll be considered.

one thing i've noticed, i don't have time to spent time with my mom for these past few days. i'm worried and weary about it. since wednesday, when i come home from work, i go ahead and sleep then wake up just to eat and sleep again. that's bad, d'ya think. i want to have a quality time with my mom. but the thing is everytime i'm with my mom. she would just ask me to do tasks. like, clean this, buy this and stuff, which pisses me off. i just wanna sit and talk with her about certain stuff. how she is, how's her health and stuff. i hope my mom won't drown with all the problems and wearies in her mind, because i'm worried with her health now. she's getting older and hopefully i could spend quality time with her. like bringing her to the movies, buying her anything she wants with my own money. i want to make her happy.what can i doabout it? the reason for me to say this is what if i was about to go to canada? when will it be again for me to spend time with her. i don't want to leave my mmom alone. i'm pretty sad and mad about the way people treat her. she's a nice LADY and she help others who are in need, not financially but the support and service she gives to people she loved. in return they all give burdens and discouragements. all of the things those people she helped does not match the actions with what they are saying. it's a disgrace and i'm pretty mad at those people just like TERESITA SY, putang ina nya talaga sya! she'll live longer to suffer the consequences, the agony, she'll see. i'm about to log in now, see you later.....


Well, i'm back... mwahahahahaha! i got 2 calls and i'm wondering what could happen today.... well basically after my call somebody approached me, guess who.... talked about few things. what happened to him and stuff. garsh! then that person was looking for someone i know and i don't know what's the buzz all about. ok ....REJECT! moving on, i'm thinking about something actually that person is leaving, and he'll go home to sleep coz that person only had 5 hrs of sleep. ok good luck with that. see you on wednesday.

going back with myself, i wonder if there's going to be a scenario that would make me feel good. i don't know what it is but please make it good. i received a chain letter and it was from one of my team mates here and he was asking about something. i was the first one to reply and now he said, sorry if he included me. so i replied to him that he won't add me to the chain or spam mail...what an arrogant , inconsiderate, bastard, stupid, shit head. now i don't get any replky or email from then. ok fine don't include me that's fine. now i'm feeling bad. i'm pissed off again. so sad and yet so bad and i wanna die now!. i really want to die now. instantly! i don't wanna be sad or even feeling pissed off. shit heads! you're going to get yours, i assure you that.

ok moving on with my freaking life....after work, what will be the best thing to do or even to happen. will i be able to meet somebody who i know? or even i would be interested with. ok it's far from the possibilities again. garsh! what else can i say or do? it's getting worthless than i thought. the person left his mug on my desk. ok so i'll keep it then. i'm thinking if i should leave it from one of that person's team mates. whatever when i manage to calm myself then i'll do that.

i feel so tired today. i don't know why. i'm feeling peculiar again with what i'm feeling right now. i can't seem to find the answer why. here sitting waiting for a call, waiting for the time, waiting for me to get outta here! then what? uhm....i don't know, SIRET! when i get home what would be the scenario? will i be able to make myself happy and somehow be content with people that surrounds me? leche talaga! dapat may maisip akong bagay na magpapasaya sa akin na makalimutan ko na yung emptiness that i feel. ayaw ko nang mag-isip ng mga problema kasi it freaks me out and it makes e uncomfortable. it's a discomfort for me to think about these things. i won't be writing those things here. it's a waste of time and it'll drag me down. so right now i feel like i could die. i really wanted to. this is not good for me. i will have to look at the brighter side and see what will be the good thing today, to happen. tomorrow i will be alone again. ok hopefully it'll be a nice, comfortable and exciting day. so please, make it good, somehow. i will highly appreciate that. one thing i wanted to share is, freak! i don't have money, i need to wait for the 31st of this month before i receive my money to spend you know a lot of things and enjoy some luxuries. o later on i have decided to pass by a computer store and check for the price of a video card. i believe the reason why i can't play red alert2 is because the video card is way too absolete for my new system. i'll try that so i can somehow enhance my gaming skills. i'm so darn tired. tired, tired, tired, i can get a 10 day sleep. then never wake up, to cut it short, i'm dead. what a wonderful day! isn't it beautiful? well, i guess it'll be wonderful, beautiful and great day if i experience good things now....

what do you think about the things going on in that person's mind? do you think that person , somehow, feel that i'm important to that person?or that person even is excited to go to work just to see me, and stuff. do ya, do ya, doya? , huh,huh,huh? well i guess not. duh!. dream on..... ok i'm about to take my lunch when i received a call. then after the call, she approached me and wanted to coach me about personal stuff. you know, about fish and stuff and his minions by the way. it took us 30 minutes. good thing is she told me that she had talk to them and told me that i won't be the one to initiate the rapport and stuff. ok so i was relieved. one thing was that when he approached me yesterday i was kind of snooty. o sorry. if that's the case. but i told her that i'm snooty all the time. even with ron. she agreed and stuff but she asked me to change that. ok i will change that. i will try to make myself happy, ok and that nothing really happened so bad. she also mentioned that he already talked with one of fish's minions. ok and requested a team bonding and stuff and that we should also come to make things better and stuff. i said to myself, woah! i'm not really sure about that and i'm not comfortable with that. i still have doubts about things because, i don't trust those people anymore. but let's give it a try. i'm not sure if i can come for whatever reason. i'm not promising anything. moving on let me make up my mind about that conversation, coz i really am comfused. inquisitive about it and i'm not really confident about that. I'm pretty sad because Ron had to be transferred to another team. Ferdie has a different shift. and so the three of us are scattered and we were just the ones that are together and are close to one another. it really pisses me off because we have to part and have different dismissal and so we were not able to spend time altogether. anyway, i guess that's the destiny for us ok there's nothing i can do about it.

It's almost 11am. i can't wait to go home and do what i gotta do, and think what i gotta think. i'm so very darn tired. if i could just breathe and go on with a happy life. maybe that would be greatly appreciated. well in the end, i can't breathe at all. well good luck with that.

see you tomorrow and hopefully everythings gonna be fine, somehow.

answered prayer........Sh***T

good morning? it's 7:34 am on my clock. well i started my day with her. she coached me regarding the issues that i'm having and i've been acting lately. well first of all i wanted to tell you something about him. well i arrived at work , around 4:30am. i decided to sit farther from the team, for some reason. well basically i waanted to isolate myself so i don't have any distractions and stuff. then finally i've approaced him to grab a smoke but eventually he already took his last break. ok so i went ahead and went there myself and took a cup of chocolate, yummy. then thought of a lot of good stuff. like imagining myself having a laptop, being a tech trainer, how i wish. then eventually work in Canada. how exciting..... then i went back on my stationand tried to browse some policies and procedures. then visit some email website to check on my mails and fortune for the day. the fortune is somehow related to me and really dictates something about me.. not exactly but there's a twist of something about me. i really like that fortune so i always check it out. i can get some advises and knowledge about something for me. then finally she approached me and told me to go on aux feedback at exactly 6 am. it was 6am when i finally logged in my tool and went to aux feedback. i approached her and said taht i already in aux feedback. then she said that i should wait for her in the station. that is while i was talking with Mischelle, the floor walker, and had a little conversation about work. but i was telling myself that hopefully FISH would see me and die for his enviness, mwahahahahaha!

anyway, during the feedback conversation, we talked about myself, about work and why i'm isolating myself lately. well i told her the reasons. i told her that it's because it's noisy in this station that i am now seated. i told her the reason why is that i'm the only one that would complain about it and so i'll be the one to adjust for them. she said that if that's the case it has to stop and she will talk to FISH ok so inside my head, go ahead i don't care and if it'll do any good, i'm proud, and thanks in advance. if not then i should isolate myself again. i also told her that i really don't like him. i don't like the way he brag things. he also threatens me indirectly but i don't care. i told hher that i'm not scared if they'll gonna do that, just let them make sure that they kill me, if not their dead. i also told her that i'm not scared to die, as if, i really want to die. then she mentioned that she really want to mold me and she sees the leadership skills uin me, this is pretty way up cool. it's good to hear that she's still planning to mold me and stuff to become a tl. one thing she want me to change is the way i interact with them and that let me try to remove or erase the conflict that we had. she also added that, it's been more than 2 months and it will not do any good for me and for us. she wanted the team to be intact and strong. ok no problem at all. i have realized just now after i took my break at 7:30 am that i really need to change that so i can grow and lead proudly. i will really try my best to disregard that crap, and so help me GOD. Then we audited my call yesterday. i was pretty nervous because i was wondering that it might be one of the call that i took which i did not verify information and i might fail, now that's scary. thankfully, the call that was audited is a good call. whew! i'm expecting for it to be somehow b+ or B not B- that's not good.

After listening to that darn call, she requested me to take calls. and as of the moment 7:58 am i still don't have a call, i'm wondering why. well that's good but it scares me....FEAR..... then i tried to look for him, but i think he already left without saying goodbye. he did not even messaged me. ok who cares about me anyway, am i his mom or dad? duh as in T-H-E, duh! life goes on. i'll find a way today that i would be excited and stuff. but wait i goota call.....

I finally i finished the call for about 31 minutes. then while on the call, i saw him. whoah! he's still here. i wonder why? God, thank you for answering my prayer instantly. remember i just said i'll fid a way to find my excitement and stuff. I received his message first of all and that was while i'm in a call. i haven't checked it yet til now and thereason why he's still here is because he's interested with coaching that i had with her. mwahahahahahaha, for loughing out loud! I feel that he's kind of paranoid and very, interested with the coaching that i had. GOD! then on his message he asked for my lunch and short break time. ok so i did say 9:30 for my lunch. hehehehehehe....... NATATAWA AKO SA NANGYAYARI. may kakaibang bagay akong nadarama ngayon. hindi ko alamat ewan ko. well, things are getting better for now? i don't know. let me get a wild guess..... SIRET!

Well i'm hearing FISH's Dominions. ok that was all and so after that we listened to my call.

Well shockingly he messaged me and asked where i was, while we were in the conference room and asking me what time is my lunch. ok so i told him that it's 9:30. he told me to message him after we're done with the meeting. ok so it's a so called day. GOD really answered my prayer. that was instant. i was about typing what i want to happen and that i would find something that will make me excited and happy and it just happened.

When the meeting was over, i approached him and told him that i'm going to take my luch and he just replied with a simple ok. then so i don't know what that's suppose to mean. so i did not mind to wait for him or ask him and to cut it short i assumed that he will not eat. so i went ahead and took my lunch, grabbed my food, prepared my food and fix my drink and finally eat. after eating i washed my dishes and i was about to finish drying my plate, he arrived and asked me if i'm done so we can grab a smoke. one of his team mate, wanna join. ok so we went to the smoking room and we were talking about what was the topic in the coaching session. his team mate got OP and decided to leave the room and he said to her where sh'es going? and so we decided to leave the room and they've decided to go at DENCIOS.. when i came back to my station, i still have 30 mins left til i log in again. so i have decided to go back to the smoking room. so there i realized that i left mylighter. i went back to my station and borrowed a lighter from my friend. i went back there andgot pathetic again. then momentarily he arrived. he still wanted to talk to me about those stuff and i just realized that all i'm saying was so irrelevant to the topic. it showed my stupidity. GOD, please forgive me. ok so he left already and went ahead at DENCIO. Then i received a call and he messaged me. i went to the bathroom and read his message and he said, "hehehe! ang saya dito." With a smiling face. duh! ok have some fun you maniac! i don't care. uhuhuhuhu!:(

going back to the real world. it's 12:02 pm and it's 3 hours to go before we go home. hahahaha, for the first time, time flies so fast. finally and i'm getting excited, because i don't know. hopefully ......i have something in mind which i don't wanna write here. too bad to say and too bad to read.... oh i can't take this anymore.....here i go again with my patheticness, sympathy please! mwahahahahahaha! duh! ok i'm thinking about what can i do later. first of all i don't have money, secondly i don't know where to go, thirdly i hate myself, lastly i want to die. argh!

if i was given a chanvce to make a wish? i would wish for my death. simple and precise. living my life is not that good for me, eventhough i wish for fate, wealth and stuff, that won't do me any good. so it's better to die so that you don't have to worry about things. No worries and wearies. ain't that cute. i'm gonna like it. sweet surrender!

well basically todayi did had a long aux modes. i believe that i have less calls. hopefully, it's 3pm so i can freaking go home, scream, freak out, punch the walls and cry.

I'm so darn tired, fed up, sick, exhausted, and freaking burnt out. it's so sad that at least i'm abhored, ignored, rejected neglected, and unwanted. ok that's fine i'm used with it anyway.

ano ba ang pinaka magandang isipin, gawin, sabihin at ikwento. nagsasawa na ako sobra. napagod na akong mag-isip. bakit hindi ko makuhang maging masaya o makuntento man lang sa araw-araw. sige nga sabihin mo sa akin.... gusto ko kasing walang iniisip about the possibilities na gusto kong mangyari kasi nakakawalan ng gana talaga and it just brings me down and makes me sa very freaking sad. nakakawa naman talaga. common you can do better than that, ly. look at the brighter side. what if that brighter side is not letting me look at it. you know avoiding me, hehehehe, funny and worthless. anyway, gotta have to end this because i'm pretty much tiredabout this situation and everyday here in my blog it's all the same crap....same old story

by the way one more thing. cy approached me and he just informed me about ron's message. that he'll go ahead and go to Dencio's . so i said to him, ok and thanks. blah,blah,blah,yadiyadiyada. crap.

see you tomorrow myt!

just another pathetic day!

ok so what's the buzz? well here i go again feeling pathetic, worried, confused, peculiar and inquisitive. i don't know why. i can't seem to act strongly. there's always something in my mind that bothers me. yeah, FEAR! strange, but true. weell a friend told me that all people has the fear of something. you cannot say that you, yourself don't have the fear. i do believe that. i can't seem to think straight and do the appropriate things to make me feel alive. if only somebody would give me strength, encouragement and make my mind clear about things. i've realized that the reason why i'm feeling this way is because i got carried away by my parents and let's just say family. the lifestyle, how they raise you and also it affects the level or your level in the family. well i guess it all depends on your standing. how you stand in your life, either at home or in the society. i envy others. eventhough they don't have the luxury and fate in life, they manage to conquer their fear, worries and stuff. they find a way to make theirselves satisfied and happy at the same time. unlike me, i can't seem to find my happiness and contentment. i really feel so empty. the worse thing in me is that i don't have all the luxuries but i feel empyt. not only luxuries but simple things that a typical person has. o well, so sad yet so bad and pathetic. no one cares. no one minds. one thing that is a problem with me also is i don't express my inner feeling to anyone. i pretend that i'm strong and can handle situations but at the back of my head, I"M NT! I can't seem to figure out things that i should be doing. still searching for myself. that's the hardest thing in life, if you're still surrounded by the AUTHORITIVES, there's nothing you can do but just to obey and follow orders. o well i suck, to cut it short. worthless, non sense, embecille and stuff. what else can i say to myself? i'm still hoping that everythings gonna change. it'll change, someday, somehow, but not right now. hopefully i won't say that or i don't have to say that forever because i know i won't live forever....haaaaaaay! i know i should not be like this, or else it would just drag me down. so what can ido? can you please tell me coz i really don't have anyidea.

there's so much to say but, GOD, it's killing me softly now. i really would like to format my brain. if only that's possible for humans then it will highly be appreciated. just like computers. once the computer gone bad. you can instantly format it or have it serviced and just a blink of an eye, it's all brand new. i'm going to find that THING. i don't know what that is but surely, it'll hit me instantly and make me feel that i'm alive.

well actually all i do for life to become worthwhile is to use my computer and discover things for computers, play guitar, compose songs, lyrics or poems, clean the freaking house as what they've obliged me to do. do all what they're asking for, smoke, make my younger sister get annoyed, message friends uisng my phone and they'll never reply as if they don't care.

while i was doing this crap, this person near my station is so arrogant and bitchy! if somebody's going to talk to him he would stare at the person and smile and it's like he's down to earth. but when i just asked him about something, yeeeees, he does not look at me and he would just reply with a close answer, either yes, no, none, or something else. that's it. that shit head! what i can say to him is, your gonna get yours, you stupid monkey head.

it's 5:50 am. 10 minutes before i log-in. ok hopefully everything's gonna be good. hopefully this would not be a hard time and day for me and everything's gonna be light for me to handle. te feeling of being left behind or out of place is not unusuall for me. everyday of my life, i always experience that. 7 minutes before i log in....

ok i took my first call and lasted for about 23 minutes. it is a good call and i love it, but i feel like it's not enough to finish the call. anyway, it's a lovely call, i can say.

well basically just to share with you, he visited me on my station, and invites me to grab a smoke. how thoughtful of him. i appreciate that. ok then of course momentarily he would go home already. well i hate this shift. it's boring and i feel sleepy. if only i could have my schedule replaced. but somebody told me that it is not allowed to change the schedule. ok i sill not attmept to do that. he told me that i should try to attempt and ask her if that's possible. ok fine, i've realized that there's nothing to loose. every day has it's day, every day has a new beginning. so what! i don't feel it..... it's the same old story that i hear and it's the same old thing that i'm experiencing.

Just for me to share, i found a saying on the website and it says, "Will is the key to growth". ok yeah, i do believe that, but in mycase i don't have a will because i'm still controlled by people at home. i wanted to break free, but how can i do that. where do i start? a lot of questions left unanswered. me myself does not have a clue, hint or just simple tip. looking for an answer but, duh, where can i grab it?

by the way, yesterday before i left work, i took time to read the blog of the person who commented on my blog. she's 17 years old and same thing as me, she has problems with her mom. she mentioned that she always end up fighting with her mom. she also love to create peoms. when i read her poem, i was pretty amazed and inspired by her creation. i really like it.


on the other hand, one thing i've noticed, he is still here. he's shift ended at 6am and i'm wondering why he's still here. will he wait for me to take my lunch or something? o well i don't know. but i'm happy or will be happy if that's the case. so that i would have a companion to take my lunch. well basically we were pulled out just now, and had some feedback regarding the KPI crap thing at work. we tokk it about an hour and 14 minutes to be exact. and i'm about to take my lunch about 12 minutes and counting. i brought me afood. so i can save money for us to play bad mintho on sunday. by the way next sunday, because they have their own reasons not to come or to postponed it this coming sunday. o well i've received their email and so i've replied with a single word, "ok". whatever. with that reply, it conotes a lot of meaning. subtle meaning which no one would definitely know the exact meaning, whatever!. i've missed a lot of things. and now it's all coming back to me and it makes me realize and makes me regret those things. sh8t!


o well, what would be the best thing to do? who knows, what could happen? SIRET! well earlier before i went ahead and continue this, he texted me and asked me when will we watch narnia. ok i told him that i was just waiting for them. then i get no decent reply regarding that. he just informed me about something that he will eat at a fast food chain. ok then i get no reply after i replied on that. ok...so what now? our tl is still here and i'm wondering the hell she's doing here. would she coach me or something? well i don't wanna ask her because she told me about that stuff. oh yeah, before i forget, FISH is not around. mwahahahahahaha! hopefully she's busy fixing his papers and stuff to work abroad. well hopefully he would be gone by now, as in right now, at this very moment, NOW! he's my nightmare. so better go away before i make him go away, just kidding.

what if this person, showed something, or made me realize that this person missed me. mwahahahaha funny. la lang kasi i believe it's a good feeling. ain't it cute. yeah you can say, dream on! well i'm still thinking about the possibilities, but it's too far from the possiblities. !

o well it's already 11am and still waiting for 3pm to get outta here. i want to go home so i can play with the computer. well because i want to. just to play red alert2. i've tried to install that last night but it was not successful. the installation was successful but when i tried to load and play it. it won't display anything on the screen. so i'll try it again later.

basically i think ron went home already. he did not reply with my messages and so that's bad. anyway, moving on, i want to go home. i want to freaking sleep and freaking wipe out all the worries that i have in my mind. it's slowly killing me now. i just can't understand this feeling i have. it's better for me to just die now. will somebody kill me please. i'm begging you, anyone? so many problems so many worries and fears. i just can't breathe. i really want to have a peice of mind Contentment, happiness, and a so called life to live. so tired, so darn, freaking tired, i could start to bang my head on the wall until i bleed to death and bleed me dry.

i'm totally confused with everything i see,feel and think. just like this situation, when i message somebody i treasure, they don't reply and so i think that it's a gesture of i'm not worthy. then when you finally meet, that person would approach you and make you feel good and whatever you may call it. now you tell me. what is that? i don't have a definite understand. i want a conversation, an honest, truthful serious conversation. no pretentions and lies just the real conversation. that's all i'm asking for, is that hard to ask, is that too much to ask? my goodness, things are getting worse than i thought. i thought i got over it but definitely not. i can't take this anymore, and i'm pretty sure that it will kill me and might as well kill me now and immediate, not softly, not slowly but instantly. i will really appreciate that, highly appreciate it. i feel like i'm in a cage. nowhere to run, nowhere to hide and nowhere to breathe. is there an option that we can choose to live the way we want our lives? hopefully there is, how i wish! it's really pissing me off, with the things going inside me head. ANO BA???!!!!!!! make it STOP. i really want to rest and make my mind clear and free from doubts.

earlier this person told me something about the recommendation for that person's promotion. ok i know for a fact why that person would go home. it's because that person wants to talk to it's parents and share stuff and stuff and stuff, whatsoever. how nice. i seem to envy that kind of gesture. i don't know because i'm a pathetic stupid worthless person and wondering why i'm still here. in the first place why do i have to meet these kind of people? why did HE let me meet these kind of people. it's just dragging me down and making me feel bad. they are good and nice people, but it makes me feel so sad, bad, confused and even brings me down. i totally dragging myself down. it's stressing me out. i sometimes feel so insecure which i'm not. i was shocked when i felt insecure because i've never been insecure til now. tapos, sasabihin ko na sa tagalog, bakit ginagaya ko lahat ng mga bagay na ginagawa nya? hello napaka walang originality ko naman ata. at parang ako yung greatest fan at sya ang idol ko. ang pangit man! super pangit. nakakahiya talaga ican''t take this anymore. hindi naman ako ganito dati. marami na akong nakilalang taong katulad nya pero ngayon ko lang na-experience ito. shuckers! i'm pretty scared of myself. now i'm discovering, or beginning to discover my new FEAR. please, i don't wanna know that fear because definitely it will drag me down even worse, worse than worse.

i want to cry, freak out and scream out loud, cry out loud, go crazy and smash something. please make it stop. i'm begging you. that's the least you can do. i'm crying now because i really can't take this anymore. i'm really crying now......i don't know if it'll make me feel better, but please, please one more wish for me, make me go back from what i was. i'm looking forward for it.

ain't it cute....

first day, and it's 7:00 on my pc time. well, basically i went to work around 4 am and arrived at work at 5am. i approached ron to have a break but he said that he already took his break. ok well then, i went ahead and dragged myself at the smoking area with my old same chocolate drink...yummy. then i met Mark, and had a few conversdation about the shift that was given to us and stuff, it's all about work and i'm pretty fed up, but just to build up rapport and shit, crap, there's basically nothing ican do. ok right now i'm seated right beside rainier. he's nice and he seem so considerate to talk with me. well i guess i can say that he is a better person. well basically, ron is still in the office. haven't decided yet to go home. i don't know whether he would stay here and wait for me until i take my lunch. ok that will be highly appreciated. well he invited me to go on break, and so we spent time in the smoking room and talk about what i did yesterday, meeting my bestfriend at starbucks and told him that i pity her because she's alone in their house....blah,blah,blah.... ok then changed the topic regarding his bording house that the reason why he's still here is because he could not sleep there because it's noisy there. hopefully he would stay longer and wait for me until i take my lunch, i wish...

yesterday i started to assemble my pc table and cleaned my sister's room, because that's where my computer is located. it took me about an hour and so to finish assembling the table, damn it. well basically because the manual is too general and misleading. there's this part which is not included, and so i was pissed because i did not thoroughly check it where i have purchased it. eventually, i've noticed that there's this one part which is not included or indicated in the manual and eventually that part is the alternative for the missing part. finally, i was relieved because i don't want to go back there in the mall and see that guy or the seller to ask for that part. then finally my sister helped me assemble it. there it's done. so i started to put the computer together, plugged in all the cables to the toewr and stuff. then when i am going to plug in the mouse, i was so worried that it'll not reach the tower. the tower is placed at the bottom of the table and it's cable is too short. but then when i finally plugged it in, it reached the table. what i mean is it is actually enough to use the mouse. so i have decided not to buy a new mouse. after all the ados i've started to use the computer and let me feel the feeling of having a new table. it's fun and yet so exciting.

on the other hand, ron left the office without saying goodbye. i received a message from my phone and it was from him, apologizing for not saying goodbye. and that he informed me that we'll play badminthon, together with her, on sunday. ok i'm pretty nervous because i don't have money left. hehehehe, too pathetic ei? anyway, right now i'm all alone, no one to talk to and with and isolated myself in rex's station. alright and i've realized that this is what i've been wanting for since the day i've acted so pathetic and worthlessly.... o well my prayers are answered so i ust have to suffer the consequences. i just can't wait for 3pm, well i want to go home and energize myself from being empty now.... if only icould make this feeling go away, well as a matter of fact, i can't. it haunts me and makes my fear worse than ever. too bad.... earlier when i was in the smoking room, i've realized things about staying here longer than expected. i really just can't wait to go to CANADA to re-energize myself, to find myself and to see things much wider and express my feeling much better than here in my country. as far as i cann see, my future there is quite going to be well. i don't know why i say things like this but so far i know it'll be much different... hopefully it won't be too hard for me, so i pray, i'm down on my hands and knees and shout to the heavens on high, i will be better than what i am now. o well my lunch is almost over, i just have to wait til my next break arrives. see you next time, maybe tomorrow for more information....see posters and print ads for details..... YEAH!

too much ado about nothing......

hi, here i go again. i just don't know what i should feel. i don't know if i should be deliriously happy, or i should feel bad about some things. o well, confusing and irritating. my tl is here and i'm wondering if ever she would assign me as a floor walker. hopefully she would pick me or else, i'll hate her for that. why? well basically she coached me last, last week regarding starting to mold me as a floor walker and stuff like that. i'm really craving for it, and i really wanted to become a tl. so that i would boast to shit people here that i'm a tl, and so don't underestimate me, ever! if ever she would say that she would take it back because FISH is not leaving to US anymore and she chose him, i'll really hate her for that. one thing i don't like is making me antcipate for something that is not going to happen. in other words, making me expect for something you have planned, said and discussed and yet it will not happen or you would take it back. that's really way too bad for me and i'll start to loose my respect to you specifically to her. while i'm typing this, he arrived and asked me how was my weekend, well i said it was fine with this grinning smile on the face but basically i'm pissed off, and i just don't know why. what a day. o well another stuff, another shit, another freaking arrogant, stupid and pathetic day this will be for me. let's see and find it out.

well i've texted my sister earlier and asked them how they were and if ever they finally bought a computer table. guess what? they haven't because my mom forgot the money....WHAT????!!! ok so i told myself that i can buy that tom, hopefully. earlier i was excited for it and yet when i finally messaged them, i felt sad and bad. o well that's life, if you are too excited for some things, then basically expect the unexpected. what i mean is, it will drag you down to frustration and depression. o well i'm still hoping and i still have hope. ain't that cute? i also emailed my sister, who stays in US, regarding the money that she will send. told her that she should name it to my sister so she can get it from the bank.
Now i am really hoping that i would go to Canada na, so i can forget things here. ireally don't llike things that's going on my head when i go to work here. if not, i really hope that i die, right now, as in, now!!!! for screaming out loud.

by the way, istarted to listen to kelly clarkson's music, i heard her song, Behind These Hazel eyes. kinda like it. it really moves me and somehow i can relate to some part of the song, especially the chorus part.Then i just discovered a song from TRAPT entitled STILL FRAME. Then last day off, when i bopught a masking tape, i've passed by to a nearby house and they're listening to Alanis Morissette's song Forgiven, and it is acoustic. when i heard that i was pretty amazed and i find it wonderful, great awesome and stuff. so i wonder if she has a new acoustic perfoormance. i checked her website last night and found out that she released a new album, the same album from jagged a little pill but all are acoustic performances. i've started to download one song which i found from warez and until now it has not finished yet because i've run out of internet access. shockers! one thing i've realized is that if you have or if you know a lot of artists it blocks your mindwhich one is good to download and listen to. pretty confusing and sad. I wonder if ever i would be able to download a new music from a new artist. exciting isn't it?

going back to ron. a while ago i told hiim if he checked his mail, because i've sent him an email regarding a song for FISH. well when he read that he said that i'm good and know what kind of song i can relate to people and for myself. that's a good experience. at this very moment, he is talking with kelly, his L@ kuno. and i'm here just typing this pathetic journal. ok left behind. always ignored, abandoned, rejected and disregarded and set aside, either will be used for later and/or to be disposed. pathetic isn't it, well that's me! if only i could make myself deaf for the moment so i could not hear them. if only god provided us with special hearing controls, like selecting which ones you want to listen to or you want to hear. if only i could have that capability or ablitiy and that will be highly appreciated.

WHO WANTS TO BE HAPPY?!!!!! a lot of people wanted to be happy of course, especially myself, but, how can i be happy? how can i make my frown up side down? can you like give me some advices? i'm really fed up with my life, i can't do anything just to end my life. i'm afraid to commit suicide or even engaged with bad things like drugs and stuff. yeah, i do smoke but i don't drink. i'm a simple shit with a worthless life. if only i could talk to an angel, literally. but i just realized, how will an angel talk to me if i'm senseless.if there's no human being in this world that would adore me, comfort me, treasure me or talk to me for all the things that's happening to me. i read a diary from the genius band website. here goes: "I've come to the understanding that people treat other people poorly simply because they either can't see outside of their own lives, or they don't care. i seem to agree with that. actually this is John Stephen's diary and i can add more and i do really agree with what he is saying here. here goes: Normal, daily interaction between one person and another has become fundamentally detached. We almost feel if a person is a "stranger", then they don't matter. This idea then deteriorates to the unconscious notion that if we don't know someone, we can treat them poorly.
That's inspiring, don't you think? i do believe that every human being in this world matters. we just need to be polite, good and we should not be judgemental." We should always comfort otheres and their feelings and also understand what they're going through.
outside i look happy, satisfied and joyful, but on the inside, i'm dying, breaking down, hurt, lost and left out in the dark, rejected, ignored and disregarded. i can't seem to find something that would make me happy and craving for more days to come. i always think to just die. one thing that i just realized yesterday morning, all personal achievements in life is not generally considered for you to enter heaven. the part of life is on how you interact and show your attitude to others. you don't have to be rich just to help people. what i'm trying to say is, now i'm not really worried much about promotion in work, having a lot of stuff. well stuff is just something to make you going with your life while waiting for something or just to energize yourself from boredom.

just an addition to what happened here earlier with ron. kelly and ron were both talking about their team agenda and stuff. so should i butt in? duh! it would just drag me down to frustration, depression, devastation, as i can say. so i've decided to proceed with my journal so somehow i could document what i am experiencing. basically now i am stuck in a call for about an hour. i'm transferring the customer to l2 and found out that there are no available l2....damn it! ok so i have to wait here until there's one available. hopefully sean would be the one to handle the call coz he's nice and polite compared with other technicians.. ok i have noticed also that while i was talking with kelly, this FISH is staring at us like he's envious and shit. what a pathetic mongoloid. i'm also here down on my hands and knees and scream up to the heavens on high, make this FISH go away! while i was typing this paragraph i saw that FISH and again talking to precious and i wonder if he's on break just to suck up or he is assigned to do floor walking. damn her again. once i found out that he'll allow him to do the floor walk i'm going to hate her. from the bottom of my heart. i will curse on her and with that FISH bitch. o well good luck with that. i wish thhem luck. just a reality check there's a divine, what you call that? i forgot the term, i'm sorry..... anyway, i do believe in karma. not now but someday, they'll get it straight from heaven. i just can't understand why people are so inconsiderate. why would they be so bad and drag people down. i pray that i make it through it all. i hope that i would be smarter and wiser. i hope i would realize that and notice that change. please, i'm asking You, to show me the way to your blessings. i know i haven't found it yet and i'm not exerting any effort to find that out.

I really wanted to become a happy, satisfied, contented person. i know nobody's satisfied in their life, or fully satisfied with their life, but all i'm asking for is for me to feel good with myself and i don't have to worry things like what i'm feeling. basically, i wanted to be strong and confident with myself so that i can grow. for crying out loud, i really don't like this feeling and that i'm not like this before. please help me to go back where i was.i really do need a reason for all this. i'm craving for it. i want to fully understand things that are happening to me. i don't want to be hanging and waiting for the answer for 48 years coz i don't like thinking about things all day long when i'm alone or even when i don't have anything to do. with this kind of feeling, what i want to happen now is to go to CANADA. i really wanted to go there for me to experience being independent and not worrying about people or your family that surrounds me since i was young. i also wanted to decide on mysellf and i wanted to grow and with that i believe that it will make me smarter, wiser, stronger and more confident. i really think that's what i want to happen. i am saying this now is because i kept on saying that i really wanted to die now but it's not happening. so i'll think of something that will be more possible than dying now. if i am a good friend how come people don't mind my presence or absence. well i think it's because of their interests. o well, pathetic, i'm really pathetic. way too damn pathetic. if only somebody out there make me feel important, then i will highly appreciate that.

right now i have decided not to look at her and that FISH because it would just add up to my frustration and hatred. not healthy. i'll just irritate myself and that's pretty way too damn bad and pathetic and stuff. i still believe that things will be better. someday, somehow, we don't know when.

yesterday evening i received a message from the band genius and the letter came from Henry. i was so happy and glad that he replied and that itmade me feel so good. i thought it'll be ignored, the letter that i sent. well basically one thing i felt so bad was they don't want to add me on my friend's list and on their friend's list o well i told myself that someday perhaps they will add me up on their list. right now i'm down on my hands and knees and shout to the heavens on high that they will add me up on their friend's list, mwahahahahahahahahaha!!!
***ehem**** i also thought that if ever atchie asked me what i want (because she's in the states right now) i will ask for Genius CD. i really like their music and they're driving me crazy and nuts with their music and their style. mwahahahahahaha. I really hope that this band would infiltrate philippines, so that they're music will be available here for me to listen to.

basically, i've transferred to another station. i'm having problems with my log-in on the original station that i am using. isn't that cute. i kinda like it, because in my original station those dominant FISHES are very noisy and it affects my work. i decided to transfer and isolate myself on to the other station where no one's seated right next to me, from left, right, front and left front. you know what i mean? anyway, this is what i really like, alone, isolated, i have my own world, and stuff. it makes me feel alive and calm. no hassles, pressure and intimidation with people i really hate. going on i received her email and apologizing to people who took one more call when they decided to take their breaks. then she invited all of us to get drunk later if we're all available. well i'm not. i won't come because FISH and his dominions are there. i'm not pretentious. i'm not plastic. if i hate you, i hate all of my life.there's no way for me to give you trust anymore. sorry but that's me.

i've sent ron an email regarding his reply to what i have received from her (tl). well waiting for the reply and i think he's on a call, perhaps, i don't know, let me guess? just make sure that he will reply and that he won't be annoyed from what i have said. i don't know if he even cares. because sometimes everytime i read his messages, i feel like he's saying that in a way i can't explain that would make me feel bad. i don't know, i guess i don't make sense at all. i'm senselessi just received an email from her and it indicated the service orders we've created and mine does not have a red highlight, meaning it's perfect, but FISH's and other dominions have a problem with their service orders. mwahahahahahahaha! shit heads! so far i haven't received any email from ron and i'm wondering why it's taking so long. maybe he's already on break or lunch, i don't know, just don't tell me.

i just noticed that my journal is pretty way damn long and i really type all what i am experienceing or hsall i say, illiterating all the things that are happening. well that would be a history for me. the longest journal i have ever made. ok so i took my lunch after a 27 minute call. and waited for ron to take his lunch and i've waited for approximately 15 minutes and so i lost 15 minutes of my time. that's alright. we've talked about what i feel and the possibility of taking back what she had said when she coached me. owell what he said to me when i relay that possibility from my head, is that it'll be too bad. i've explained to him that the reason why i say those things, or i think about the possibility is for myself to be prepared. i'm not expecting for it to happen but somehow i will be prepared and ready. he said after saying that to me is that's right, correct and i feel better when he acknowledged that. i feel so something right now and i don't what that is. i don't really know what i should feel. it's like a mixed emotion. like a feeling of excitement coz i'm going to buy a computer table, i fell happy because i'm having a good time with ron and i feel so basd about her and that FISH and what they're doing too me. shucks! i hate it. it's kinda like somewhere in the middle of good and bad feelings. so way too darn worthless and senseless. **sigh**. o well just have to make things better now. i'm wondering when will i be contented and satisfied with my life. i just can't wait and i'm too impatient now.

here are the things that i really would like to happen and i will highly appreciate to happen:
1.get promoted as a TL
2.Work in Canada and live there for the rest of my life
3. Be independent, that's why i want to go to Canada
4. become wiser and and smarter
6.someone who would really treasure me, accept me and find me important in their lives.
7.if ever this will not happen, i want o die, somebody kill me please!!!!!!
Those are just few of the things i want to happen. is that too much to ask? i don't think so. hmmmmmm, what do you think?

o well see you on wednesday morning 6 am. and that would be an odd time for me because ron is from 9pm to 6 am, so sad and yet so bad. well, that's life in a call center. hopefully we would spent time together soon with ferdie. ciao.